Copycat Kakashi
by JBL
Summary: Kakashi as he goes about his daily life. Wanna know more? Read and find out.
1. A D Rank Mission

Chapter 1- A D Ranked Mission

Today was like any other day to Kakashi. He was finishing up his training and about to pull out his book. Icha Icha Paradise. How he loved that little orange book. He could do anything while reading it. He could even train his students while reading it. Unless they were doing farm work. Which he was 20 minutes late for. _Whoops! I'd better get going_ he thought as he rubbed his head and casually walked a few miles to the farm.

10 Minutes Later…

"Kakashi-sensei! You're late!" Naruto exclaimed as he pointed his finger accusingly at his sensei.

Sakura shrugged. "So? He's _always_ late." She stared her chronically late sensei. "Hey, Kakashi-sensei, more D rank missions?" She asked disappointedly.

Kakashi nodded. "Yeah, well, after Konoha went to war with the Sound, there hasn't been too many A and S ranked missions. Problems have ceased." He explained.

"And we got Sasuke back, though." Naruto said, calmly. "Right, Kakashi-sensei?"

Kakashi sighed. "Well, he _said_ he was coming back after he killed his brother." He soon grinned. "But until then, the three of us will be shoveling this cow poo out of this barn, and fixing the fence for these nice folk."

Naruto sighed. "A D rank mission….we've been trained by two of the three Legendary Sannin, and you have us doing this!"

"Now, Naruto, these people need our help." Kakashi said as he handed them shovels. "You guys get the poo, and I'll fix the fence."

Sakura frowned. "Why do you have to get the fence, Kakashi-sensei, and leave us shoveling cow droppings?" She asked, steam pouring out of her ears.

"Now, now, Sakura, the cow crap isn't going to pick itself up, you know." Kakashi replied in avoidance to her question. With that, he hauled ass to the fence and began putting in more screws to stabilize it.

Inside the barn, Naruto and Sakura began shoveling the cow poo out of the barn. "Man, where does this stuff go anyway?" Naruto asked loudly.

Sakura shrugged. "I don't know, I think we have waste dumps or something…I really don't know here it goes." She replied, almost getting some on her foot.

Naruto glanced back outside at his sensei, and saw a pretty lady talking to him. "Whoa, so Kakashi sensei's a chick magnet?" He asked as he watched the woman lead him into the house. "Oh, no! Kakashi-sensei's going to have sex with that lady!" He told Sakura.

Sakura frowned in disbelief. "He wouldn't. Kakashi-sensei wouldn't!" She said, half believing it. "Kakashi-sensei's not _that_ much of a pervert!" She sighed. "Let's just keep shoveling this cow shit and wait for Kakashi-sensei to come out."

Naruto went back to shoveling. "I hope he isn't taking a break in there, he barely even started on that fence!"

Sakura nodded. "Yeah, but you know Kakashi-sensei, always making his students do all the work."

They worked for about 10 more minutes before Kakashi came out of the house.

"Thank you, Kakashi-san!" The woman called from the house.

Kakashi grinned (Though you wouldn't be able to tell). "Oh, no problem!" He replied as he made his way towards the barn.

"Uh-oh, Kakashi's coming." Sakura whispered.

Kakashi went inside and put his hand on their shoulders. "It's okay guys, you don't have to work nonstop. You guys deserve a break."

Sakura half-smiled. "Kakashi-sensei did you—never mind."

Kakashi raised his eyebrow. "Did I what?"

Sakura looked around nervously. "Did you…um…well…" She mumbled.

Naruto decided to blurt it out. "Sakura-chan and I wanna know did you have sex with that lady!" He said with a frown. He just knew his sensei had gone inside the house and seduced the young helpless woman. "Fess up, Kakashi-sensei!"

Kakashi stared at Naruto for a few seconds. _Did he just ask what I think he did_?

"He's not saying anything, Sakura-chan! That means he had sex with her! I knew it!" Naruto yelled.

Kakashi sighed. "No, Naruto, I didn't have sex with the young lady. She asked me to help her simmer some beans. I did _not_ have sex with her." _Although she did grab my ass…_

Naruto sweat dropped and his jaw dropped. "What! You didn't?"

Kakashi shook his head. "Nope."

Sakura decided to ask the questions that was talk among the Chunins. "Did...well...are you making Kurenai cheat on Asuma with you?"

Kakashi's eyes popped out of his head. "Did I what!"

Sakura sighed and tried to rephrase her question. "Are you seeing Kurenai behind Asuma's back?"

Kakashi shook his head disbelievingly. "So this is what gossip you Chunins talk about now, huh?" He tried to think of something to say, that wouldn't cast even more suspicion on him. "Well, no. She's not with Asuma…or so she said. And for the record, we're not seeing each other; she's just helping me with my…genjutsu."

Sakura shook her head. "You're a terrible liar, sensei." She said.

He looked at his watch. "Well, break's over, time to get back to work." He said, walking away and back to the fence.

Sakura looked at Naruto. "He's seeing Kurenai!" She whispered.

"Yeah, But I thought Asuma was—"

"Get to work, guys!" Kakashi yelled from at least 20 feet away.


	2. Kurenai

Chapter 2- Kurenai

The mission ended with Kakashi humming and waiting for Sakura and Naruto to finish washing their hands. As they walked, Kakashi had his Icha Icha Paradise in his hand.

"Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura started.

"Hm?" He asked a little disinterested.

"You wanna go for ramen with me and Naruto?" She asked.

"Uh…if I'm footing the bill then…"

"Oh, no, we'll pay, sensei!" Naruto chirped in. "We promise!"

Kakashi looked from Sakura to Naruto and back again. "Well, I guess if it isn't too much trouble."

Sakura spotted Kurenai at Ichiraku's Ramen Bar, and had decided to con Kakashi into going so she and Naruto could set them up.

Once at Ichiraku's Ramen Bar, Sakura pushed Kakashi on a stool beside Kurenai.

Kakashi waved at Kurenai. "Yo."

Kurenai nodded. "Hey, Kakashi, how's it going?"

Kakashi looked at his studnets to see they were gone. They had left some money on the counter to pay for his bill. "Uh…it's going okay, I guess."

He ordered his food and decided to make conversation with his fellow jounin. "So, how did your day go?"

"Fine."

"Where's Asuma?" Kakashi asked. He couldn't help it. It was a irrisistable question.

Kurenai broke eye contact and looked away. "He's…away."

"You miss him? He's on a S rank mission in the Sand, you know."

Kurenai gave him a look. "What are you implying?" She asked, knowing damn well what he was getting at.

"Well, for one thing, you and Asuma's relationship." Kakashi answered.

Kurenai shook her head. "I don't like Asuma like that. We're only _friends_."

Kakashi felt like laughing his ass off. "Okay, Kurenai, whatever you say." She said as he moved his hand to lower his mask. He felt Kurenai staring at him and stopped to look at her. "Is something wrong?" He asked her.

"No…"

"Then why do you keep staring at me like that? Am I…_attractive_?" He teased.

Kurenai raised her eyebrows. "Attractive? I can't see half of your face for goodness sakes, I wouldn't know if you're attractive or not."

Kakashi removed the mask and started eating.

Kurenai was still staring at him. _Well, on second thought_...

He then turned to face her with a full faced grin. "How about now?" He asked.

Kurenai stared. And stared.

"Uh…Kurenai…" He was getting a little worried. "Are you—"

She suddenly fell over in her seat.

"Oh, no! Look at what your _ugly_ face did to Kurenai!" A loud voice screamed. Kakashi didn't need Sherlock Holmes to tell him who it was.

Gai.

Kakashi sighed and put his mask back on. "Yo, Gai, don't you have someone else you can go bother besides me?" He asked annoyedly.

"Not really, no." Gai replied and then noticed Kakashi's uneaten ramen. "Aren't you going to eat that?" He asked.

Kakashi picked up Kurenai. "Well, let's just say I saw those two caterpillars on your face and lost my appetite."

"Damn you, Kakashi! We'll meet again!" Gai fumed, dissapearing in a puff of smoke.

"I hope not." Kakashi muttered as he carried Kurenai back to his place. Figuring he'd have a nice, enjoyable walk home, he was surprised to notice Naruto and Sakura walking behind him. _The sad thing is they really think I don't notice_…

He decided to let them follow him home.

Sakura and Naruto had been trailing Kakashi ever since he left the Ramen Bar with Kurenai. Naruto's suspicions were about to be comfirmed. Kakashi-sensei seduced women and slept with them.

"I'm telling you, Sakura-chan, Kakashi-sensei is going to have sex with Kurenai! Did you see the way he was lookingat her?" Naruto said in a rather loud whisper.

"Shh! We don't want Kakashi-sensei to detect us, you know." Sakura whispered back.

"He won't, he's too busy having fantasies about…"

Sakura hit Naruto over the head. "We don't know what goes through our lovable sensei's mind."

Naruto nodded. "Yeah, but I got a pretty good idea…"

"Shutup, Naruto." Sakura asid, annoyedly. She then stopped. Kakashi-sensei was taking Kurenai inside his house! _Naruto's right! Kakashi-sensei is a rapist_. _Poor Miss Kurenai must be devastated and scared to death right now!_ "Naruto, we have to save Kureni-sensei! Our sensei's going to rape—"

"What are you two doing in front of my house?" A voiced asked behind them.

Sakura slowly turned around to see the big bad jounin rapist. "K-kakashi-s-sensei…did you…"

Kakashi raised his eyebrow. "Did I what?" He asked.

Since Sakura wasn't going to say it, Naruto was. "Are you planning to have sex with Kurenai! We saw you take her in your house! You're going to rape her, aren't you?" Again, Naruto pointed accusingly at Kakashi.

Kakashi just stared at him_. I know he didn't just ask what I think he did…again_.

"Uh-oh, Sakura-chan, he isn't denying it!" Naruto said triamphantly.

Kakashi sighed. "No, Naruto, I'm _not_ going to have sex with Kurenai. I brought her to my house because she fainted at the Ramen bar and it wouldn't have been right to just leave her there." Kakashi sighed again. "And for future reference, I'm not having sex with anyone until I'm _married_, got that? Sex should be something _special_." He added.

"Yeah, touchingly true words coming from a man who reads Icha Icha Paradise all day." Sakura said, shaking her head and walking away.

For those who didn't catch on, Kakashi was referring to Gai's thick eyebrows as caterpillars.


	3. More Kurenai

Chapter 3- More Kurenai

After his little "confrontation" with his students, Kakashi went back inside his house to check on Kurenai.

He found her right where he left her. On his bed. Looking at his Icha Icha collection!

"I thought you didn't like those kinds of books, Kurenai." Kakashi said.

"I don't." She replied. "Is this garbage all you read?" she asked, putting the book back where it was.

Kakashi sighed. "Technically, yes. You want some tea?"

I should say no, I don't want to get his porn germs...but… "Sure"

Kakashi raised his eyebrow. "It took you a few seconds than usual to respond. You feeling okay?"

She nodded.

Kakashi left to go get the tea. He could make tea, right? He was a pretty good cook, so making tea wouldn't be a problem, would it?

After it was made, he went back and gave Kurenai a cup.

Determined not to get Kakashi's "porn germs", Kurenai took the smallest sip possible. "Kakashi?" She said somewhat sweetly.

"Hm?"

"Did you piss in this?" She asked with a scowl on her face.

Kakashi hardly seemed offended. "No, but I was _considering_ it." He joked. "This tea has no sugar for a reason."

"So you can make me throw up?" Kurenai asked.

"Not really, it's used to wake me up in the mornings and keep me awake throughout the day." Kakashi explained. "I'll go get some sugar for you." He said as he went into the kitchen.

_Thank God_! Kurenai thought. _With sugar, this stuff should at least be tolerable_!

As Kakashi was going to get the sugar, he heard someone knock on his door.

_If Asuma's come back from his mission and is looking for Kurenai_… He opened the door to find Sakura and Naruto. Kakashi sighed_. My stalkers are here_… "What do you guys want now?" He asked.

They pushed past him and went into his home. "What'cha doin', Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked, looking around suspiciously.

"I'm getting Kurenai some sugar for her tea, what do you two—"

"Get outta here, Kurenai-chan, it isn't safe! Kakashi-sensei's going to drug you and do something nasty!" Naruto screamed at the top of his lungs. "Sakura-chan and I saw him go in this pretty lady's house and didn't come out until—"

Kakashi practically wrestled Naruto to the ground and covered his mouth. "I told you already, I was helping her _simmer beans_!"

Sakura had the packs of sugar in her hand, eyeing them cautiously. "Hmm, they don't look like anything suspicious to me." She said.

Kakashi got off of Naruto and grabbed the sugar from her. _Where did my privacy go? _He wondered as he went into his bedroom and gave Kurenai the sugar. He saw Kurenai with a confused expression on her face. "They're _crazy_." He told her.

Sakura and Naruto busted in the room and Naruto startle rambling. "Kakashi-sensei isn't safe, Kurenai-chan, he'll _rape_ you!" Naruto blurted out. "Why do you think all the women in the village are so nice to him? He's a—"

Kakashi covered Naruto's mouth. "I don't know where you and Sakura came up with me raping every female I talk to, but it isn't true." He sighed. "I'm terribly sorry, Kurenai, my _students_ were just _leaving_."

Naruto frowned. "Oh no, we're _not_ leaving you here alone with Kurenai-chan!"

Kurenai wanted so desperately to laugh. This was absolutely nuts. Kakashi's students were trying to prove their sensei was a _rapist_. Kakashi was perverted as hell, but he'd never _rape_ somebody. He probably didn't _have_ to rape anybody to be honest.

Finally, Kurenai got up and laughed as hard as she could. "Kakashi, that's some group of students you've got there." She said between laughs. "You three crack me up." She couldn't help but laugh even harder. "Thanks for the _tea_, Kakashi."

As she left, Kakashi sighed and looked from Sakura to Naruto. "Is there anything you two want to say?" He asked.

"We're sorry, Kakashi-sensei, it won't happen again." Sakura said.

"Until tomorrow." Naruto muttered with a grin.

"What was that, Naruto?"

"N-nothing, Kakashi-sensei."


	4. Rapist

Chapter 4- Rapist

Kakashi woke up today feeling great. Tsunade had given him and Team 7 an S ranked mission. She told Kakashi the details of the mission and he was going to have a hell of a time explaining it to Naruto and Sakura.

Once he had shown up at their meeting place 25 minutes late, he was grinning ear to ear (As if anyone could see it…) ready to explain their new mission.

"Is it a good one this time, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto asked excitedly.

Kakashi nodded. "Yep, it's the best one Tsunade-sama had to offer."

"Do we get to use weapons, Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asked.

Again, Kakashi nodded. "Yeah, you could say that."

"Okay! What is it?" Naruto asked, overly energetic.

Kakashi sighed and took on a very serious monotone. "Now, this is an important mission and we could very well lose our lives." He said looking at his two students. He pointed to someone's yard. "We're going to trim those bushes and pull those weeds."

Naruto and Sakura's mouth dropped simultaneously.

"Kakashi-sensei!" They screamed in unison. "You said we got to use weapons!" Naruto screamed.

"We do," Kakashi said, still grinning. "We'll use bush trimmers and hoes…."

"You also said we might lose our lives!" Sakura fumed.

"Well, if you get that weed killer poison on your hands and it gets in your mouth…"

"Kakashi-sensei!" They both protested.

"Come on, we don't want to be late." Kakashi said, leading them towards the house.

"Since when do _you_ care about being late, Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asked, as she followed him.  
Naruto was crushed. He was looking forward to a _real_ mission, not some "clean up random villagers' yard mission".

Kakashi started trimming bushes and humming to himself.

Sakura and Naruto were spraying weeds on opposite sides of the yard, not enjoying their job one bit.

_When did we sign up for this? We're ninja, not gardeners!_ Sakura thought as she sprayed weeds under the hot sun. _Kakashi-sensei is nuts! We're some of the strongest ninja in the village and we're stuck redoing people's yards! Kakashi-sensei is crazy for making us do this…we'll just have to make the best of it_…

Naruto was bored out of his mind. _Darn you, Kakashi-sensei! We'll bug you so bad, you'll have to give us a real mission!_ Naruto looked around. He decided to put down the weed killer and walk over to Kakashi-sensei. "Hey, sensei, can I ask you something?"

"Sure." Kakashi replied happily.

"Do you wanna have sex with Kurenai?" Naruto asked.

"What do you know about sex?" Kakashi asked, avoiding his question.

Naruto rubbed his chin. "Well, I know that grown ups do it so they can make babies. I also know that _perverts_ like _you_ do it because you're horny!" He pointed at his sensei with a frown. "You're planning to have sex with Kurenai, aren't you!"

Kakashi stopped trimming bushes and sighed. "Well, Naruto, you and Sakura seem pretty persistent about this."

"Yes we are, sensei." Naruto turned around. "Get over here, Sakura! Kakashi-sensei's going to tell us about his love life!"

Kakashi shook his head. How in the world did he get himself into this? Once Sakura got there, Kakashi answered Naruto's question. "I don't want to have sex with Kurenai, okay, so quit asking. And my personal life is none of your concern, got that?"

Sakura frowned. "Yes, it is, sensei! We just want to make sure you're living a fulfilling and happy life."

Kakashi raised his eyebrow. "And since when do my students care about their dear old sensei?" He asked.

"Well, since…two days ago." Naruto replied. "We realized what a great sensei you are and…"

"Yeah…right." Kakashi said, dismissing the conversation. "This yard isn't going to fix itself, you know."

Naruto and Sakura sighed.

"Why can't the _owners_ fix their own yard!" Naruto asked. "It is _their_ yard."

Kakashi grinned. "Well, you wanted a more challenging mission, right?"

"Yeah, but not yard work! We wanted to fight bad guys!" Naruto protested.

Kakashi pointed to a group of weeds. "Pretend those weeds are bad guys. It's not hard to do, really." He looked at his watch. "I've got a jounin meeting in about 10 minutes, and I want this entire yard finished by the time I come back."

"But, sensei!" They protested.

"Bye." And in a puff of smoke, their sensei disappeared.

Sakura sighed. "Well, looks like we're stuck here to finish our _mission_."

"I'm not! I'm gonna find Kakashi-sensei and have a _man_ to _man_ chat with him! Then I'll warn all the villagers that Kakashi-sensei's a—"

"Give it up, Naruto; we don't have proof Kakashi-sensei a _rapist_." Sakura said.

"True, but that won't stop the villagers from believing it…"

As Naruto thought up a plan, Sakura started spraying the weeds. As Kakashi-sensei would say, "The yard isn't going to fix itself."

In the Conference Hall located inside the Hokage's Tower…

For once, Kakashi was on time. He was finally away from his crazy students. He hoped this meeting wouldn't last long, he was planning to eat breakfast before going back and making sure his students were still working.

Kakashi was leaning on the wall, reading his oh so famous book and waiting for the meeting to begin.

"Kakashi!"

Oh, no, Might Gai. Again.

"You're _still_ reading that pornographic book! Don't you have anything better to look at?" Gai asked with his arms crossed.

"Well, reading this pornographic book is better than looking at your face." Kakashi remarked. "Don't you have anything better to do than hurt our fellow jounins' eyes?"

Gai frowned. "My face is a lot better than yours, you perverted scarecrow."

Kakashi laughed softly. "Your face is a lot better than mine? How would you know, you've never _seen_ my face."

"Whatever, Hatake, I don't see you thinking of a nice gift to give to the youth."

Kakashi raised his eyebrow. "Why don't you get a face mask?" He suggested. "I could lend you one of mine. Besides, you _need_ it more than me."

Genma, Ebisu, and Anko started cracking up due to Kakashi's joke. What made it so funny was the fact that it was true.

Gai pointed a finger at Kakashi. "Damn, you, scarecrow, I swear I'll get you next time." Kakashi called after him with a grin. _Well, I won't see him for the rest of the day…thank God._

Out of nowhere, Kurenai showed up.

"Yo, Kurenai."

Kurenai nodded. "Hey, Kakashi, are you busy after the meeting?"

_Well, my students are doing an old couple's backyard that might take all day, but… _"Nope, I'm not busy, what is it?"

She looked around nervously. "I'll tell you later."

"Hey, Kakashi! How's it going?"

Ah, someone besides Kurenai who wasn't annoying. "Yo, Iruka, how's life treating you?"

"Fine, how's Naruto?" Iruka asked excitedly.

Kakashi scratched his head. "Well…he's …energetic as ever. He wants to go a _real_ mission but I keep telling him there aren't any."

Iruka laughed. "That's Naruto for you."

"Speak of the devil." Kurenai muttered.

Naruto was in the center of the room full of chunins and jounins. "Stay away from Kakashi-sensei! He'll seduce you and _stick_ his _stick_ in you!" Naruto screamed.

Iruka and Kurenai sweat dropped. Kakashi…a rapist?

Kakashi shook his head and sighed. _I'd describe my stick as an oak tree branch, not a stick…_

A bunch of village women filed into the room. "Kakashi's a rapist! Rape me, Kakashi!" A group of women shouted.

Kakashi saw the women running towards him. It seemed Naruto's plan of deeming him a rapist backfired.

"Rape me, Kakashi!"

_I've never run away from anything in my life…but this I make an exception for!_ "See you, Iruka," Kakashi said as he disappeared in a poof of smoke.

The crazed female villagers stopped. "Where did he go?" One asked.

"I don't know, but I really _wanted_ to get raped today." Another one said.

With one last look around the room, the disappointed females left the room.

Iruka looked at Kurenai. "I never knew it was possible for a female to _want_ to get raped." He said, a hint of amusement in his voice.

"Me neither," Kurenai replied. "But when it comes to Kakashi…"

Iruka's eyes widened. "You like him!" The blush on her face told him his answer. "Does he know?"

"Well…not exactly."


	5. The Real Rapist

Chapter 5- The Real Rapist

Kakashi went back to the place where Sakura and Naruto were _supposed_ to be spraying weeds.

All Kakashi saw was Sakura eating food with the elderly couple in the backyard. She had apparently finished the yard. Without Naruto's help.

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei! Come join us!" Sakura called.

_Food_…Kakashi grinned. He hadn't eaten all day.

He took a seat around the table on the patio and noticed the old lady looking at him funny.

"Hello, Mr." she smiled.

"Hey, you can call me Kakashi."

The old lady reached over and pinched is cheeks. "Well aren't you a cute young man?"

Kakashi laughed timidly. "I'm 30 years old, but I guess I am kinda cute."

The old lady looked surprised. "30 huh? Well, I suppose everything looks young when you're 98 years old."

Kakashi resisted the urge to ask her if she had a pet dinosaur. "Where's your husband, miss?" _If he's still around_…

"In the bathroom." The lady replied candidly.

_I shouldn't have asked_…Kakashi thought. "Oh."

"Are you hungry?" She asked him.

"Well—"

"Kakashi-kun, am I interrupting anything?"

Kakashi looked over his shoulder.

Kurenai.

"Well, not really." He bowed to the old lady. "Excuse me, miss." He got up and left with Kurenai.

"Since you were forced to leave the meeting early for reasons beyond your control, I guess I'll fill you in on the details." She said.

"Okay."

"All of us jounins will have a 5 day vacation."

Kakashi sweatdropped. "That's just like Tsunade-sama took call all of us jounins together just to tell us we have a vacation." He sighed. "It is nice though. A vacation away from Naruto and his crazy accusations."

There was an awkward silence between them as they walked down the street.

It wasn't until 5 minutes later, Kakashi decided to day something. "Wasn't there something else you wanted to tell me?"

"Yes…but…I forgot." She lied.

Kakashi nodded. "Oh, well how about answering my question from the other day. Do you think I'm attractive?"

Kurenai turned 3 shades of red.

"Um…let me see your face again." She said as they stopped walking and looked each other dead in the eyes.

Kakashi sighed. "Okay." He took off his mask _and_ his forehead protector. "So, what do you think?"

Kurenai stared at his face for 5 minutes and fainted.

_Fainted again, huh? I guess I won't be getting an answer to that question anytime soon. _He picked her up in his arms and carried her to his house.

He couldn't get a mile down the road before Naruto blocked him. "Unhand Miss Kurenai!" He demanded. "I _know_ you're going to rape her so don't deny it."

Kakashi wanted to scream. "What part of 'I'm not going to rape Kurenai' don't you understand?" He asked frustrated. "You're becoming worse than Gai."

Naruto frowned. "Are you _sure_ you're not going to rape her?"

"I'm sure, Naruto."

"Then where you taking her?"

"To my house."

"To _rape_ her."

Kakashi gave up. "Forget it, Naruto." He walked to his house with a still annoying Naruto following him and asking questions.

10 Minutes Later…

Kakashi had successfully locked Naruto out of his house and that was no easy feat. He breathed a sigh of relief as he laid Kurenai down on his bed. She did start to get heavy after 15 minutes of carrying her.

She started to wake up a few minutes later.

Kakashi was sitting on the edge of the bed reading his Icha Icha Paradise. _I wish she would've woken up 10 minutes ago so she could've carried herself here. I can't feel my arms thanks to her._ He put his book down and looked at her. "Are you going to answer my question now?"

She looked at him like he was crazy. Then she remembered. "Oh! _That_ question. Well, I'd say you're pretty attractive. But that's just your face, why don't you take off your shirt?"

_Just as long as you don't faint_… "Okay."

"Oh and why we're on the subject, boxers or briefs?"

"Bri—what?"

Kurenai laughed. "Nothing, Kakashi, just take your shirt off."

He completely stripped his upper body and waited on _critique_ form Kurenai.

"Damn…with a body like that, why in the hell are you single?" She asked.

Kakashi shrugged. "I don't know…"

"I'll treat you to whatever restaurant you want if I can touch those." She pointed to his chest.

He thought about it for second. _Instead of being a ninja, I should've been a stripper…I think I'll take her up on her offer. _"Fine, I guess there's no harm in it."

Just outside the house…

Naruto wasn't giving up. He had brought a lock pick and was currently trying to pick the lock on Kakashi's door. After about 2 whole minutes, he got it.

Naruto opened the door and crept through the house as quietly as he could. He stopped when he got to Kakashi-sensei's bedroom.

His sensei didn't have his mask or shirt on, and more importantly, he was being groped. Naruto watched in horror as his sensei was pushed on the bed and…

"Get off my sensei, rapist!" Naruto screamed.

Kakashi and Kurenai both stared at Naruto.

Naruto pointed to the blood on the floor. "Did she do that to you, sensei?"

"No, it came from her nosebleed. I thought only us guys could be perverted but sheesh, the women are _worse_. What are you doing here anyway? I _thought_ I locked the door." Kakashi said. "And can't you see I'm getting raped?"

Naruto stepped back and tried to _analyze_ the situation.

Kurenai still had her clothes on, while Kakashi-sensei was shirtless and maskless. That only meant one thing: He really _was_ getting raped. And that meant Kakashi-sensei wasn't a rapist, but Kurenai was. That also meant he had to tell the village women that Kakashi wasn't a rapist, and just tell the village _men_ that Kurenai was.

"I'll never understand you grownups." Naruto muttered rather calmly. "Do you have anything to say before I go tell everybody?"

"No, now get out of here so I can finish what I started." Kurenai said impatiently.

Kakashi had gotten Kurenai off of him. "I forgot, I told him I wasn't having sex before marriage." He said.

"But it _is_ an exception if you got raped." Kurenai told him. She then realized what she just said. "What am I saying?" She looked at Kakashi sincerely. "I'm sorry about all of this. You took your shirt off and I got carried away."

"Carried away! Kakashi-sensei was _about_ to lose his virginity thanks to you!" Naruto yelled.

"But I _didn't,_ Naruto." Kakashi sighed. He stood up. "I'm sorry, Kurenai, I never should've tempted you."

"While we're on the subject of tempting, why don't you take off your pants?" Kurenai asked, starring profusely at… (You know what I'm talking about.)

"Because there are…_kids_ in the room." Kakashi pointed to Naruto.

"Hey, I'm 16!" Naruto exclaimed.

"You're still a kid compared to us." Kakashi said.

"I have an idea," Kurenai started. "If you keep quiet about this _rape attempt_, I'll make you some ramen."

Naruto's eyes widened. "Really? You can make ramen?"

Kurenai nodded. "It's not that hard, really."

"Are you gonna make it here? Now!"

"If that's okay with Kakashi-kun."

He shrugged. "Sure." He reached for his jounin vest but Kurenai threw it on the floor. "You mean I've got to walk around shirtless?"

"And eat shirtless." She added.

Naruto grimaced. "Geez put your shirt on, sensei!"

Kurenai play-hit Naruto. "You're just mad because you don't have a nice, muscular and soft feeling upper body."

Naruto's mouth dropped. "You were feeling Kakashi-sensei's man boobs, too!" He asked her incredulously.

"What do you think I was doing when _you_ walked in?"

"Gross!" Naruto screamed.

Kakashi cleared his throat. "I'm not overweight, so I don't have man boobs."

Naruto raised an eyebrow. "Then what do you call 'em?"

"Pecs."

"Oh…so what do we call mine?" He asked.

Kurenai excused herself. "I'm going to get started on the ramen."

Kakashi sighed. "We call them the same thing Naruto."

"So…does Kurenai sensei have pecs, too?"

Kakashi wanted to hit him. Was he blind? "No, Naruto! Hers are called breasts…"

"Oh…why do women's …breast poke out more than men's?"

"Because, Naruto…" Kakashi sighed. 'That's just how female anatomy is." He went into the kitchen and asked Kurenai did she need any help.

"No, thanks."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

As Naruto went over this new information in his head, he felt it was only right to ask Kurenai about a female's body parts. "Hey, Kurenai, do you women have—"

Kakashi covered his mouth and hauled him outside to have a man to child talk. Someone needed to teach him about what to ask and what not to ask.


	6. The Gai Games

Chapter 6- The Gai Games

The ramen tasted great to Naruto, and he had no qualms about telling it.

"Yo, Kurenai-chan! This is amazing ramen! Can you make some more please?" Naruto begged.

"I'm afraid not, I used all the noodles Kakashi-kun had." Kurenai said, still staring at Kakashi.

He sat at the table looking back at Kurenai.

Naruto just looked at them both funny. "Why don't you just move, Kakashi-sensei?" He asked.

"She might kill me if I do." He answered.

"Kakashi, what's the point in you wearing a shirt?" Kurenai asked, still staring. "You're covering up the sexiest body in Konoha."

Naruto shook his head. "What about Asuma? I thought you two were a couple."

Kurenai instantly stopped looking at Kakashi and her eyes went wide. "Asuma?"

"Yeah, _Asuma_ that guy you're always walking around with. I thought you two were dating." Naruto said.

"I wouldn't call it dating. Besides, Asuma has a _horrible_ habit of smoking. Do you think I want cancer because of _his_ habit?" She asked.

Naruto crossed his arms. "The way I see it, you're still cheating on Asuma." He muttered.

"For the last time, Asuma and I are _not_ seeing each other." She gave Naruto I'll-kill-you-if-you-don't-shut up look.

Kakashi quickly excused himself. "I'll wash the dishes since you cooked." He cast a glance at Naruto. "Get over here and help."

Naruto pouted. "But why!"

"Because Kurenai-chan cooked, that's why. It's only polite that we wash." Kakashi dragged Naruto by his neck.

Kurenai grabbed Kakashi's ass. "I'll see you later." She said as she showed herself to the door.

"She's gone, Kakashi-sensei, you can put your shirt back on now." Naruto looked at his sensei and his mouth dropped. "You took your mask off!"

Kakashi looked at him as if he were dumb. (Which he is, right?) "My mask has been off ever since you first got here and you're _now_ just noticing?"

"You mean…your mask's been off this while time!"

Kakashi nodded. "Yep."

After Washing Dishing…

"Okay, we're all done, you can go home now, Naruto." Kakashi said as he began reading his porn.

"Do Sakura and I have any yards to clean tomorrow?" Naruto asked, hoping the answer was no.

"No, _Sakura_ doesn't, but you do."

"Why me, sensei!"

"Because you left Sakura to finish the yard today. You hardly did any work at all."

Naruto sighed. "Yeah, you're right…" He thought for a minute, and then it came. "So, when are you and Kurenai having Kakashi jr?"

Kakashi finally looked up from his book and looked somewhat dismayed. "Where is this coming from, Naruto? Me and Kurenai having kids…we haven't even…"

Naruto grinned. "Whatever you say, Kakashi-sensei."

There was suddenly someone's knocking on the door rather loudly. "I know you're in there, scarecrow!"

_Oh great. It's Gai… _Kakashi reluctantly opened his door. "What do you want now?"

"To challenge you to the Gai Games!"

"I don't accept." Kakashi said without hesitation.

"You don't have a choice! You have to accept!" Gai proclaimed.

Kakashi sighed. "No, Gai."

"Ah, come on, Kakashi-sensei! You _have_ to! You're never supposed to turn down a fight!" Naruto exclaimed.

"It's not a fight he wants, Naruto." Kakashi explained. "He wants me to play rock-paper-scissors, race him, eating contests, and every other competition you could think of."

Naruto became even more excited. "Then you should definitely do it, sensei!"

Gai raised his incredibly thick eyebrow. "Uh…what's up with your lack of clothing?"

Kakashi was going to make up some excuse, but Naruto blurted, "He was getting raped by—oh yeah, I promised not to tell." He grinned awkwardly.

"Get a shirt on and meet me at the Konoha Gym." Gai told Kakashi and walked off.

Naruto's excitement didn't die down. "Yay, Kakashi-sensei! You're going to beat Gai's ass in the Gai Games, right?"

"I guess." Kakashi replied, unenthused.

"And I get to watch right!"

"If you want."

"Hurry up, sensei! I wanna see you beat Gai!" Naruto said, jumping up and down.

The Gai Games…

After Kakashi had _unfortunately_ put his jounin vest and mask back on, he and Naruto met Gai and the gym.

Gai tossed him a jump rope. "I bet'cha I can jump more than you in 20 minutes."

Kakashi shrugged. "You probably can." He wasn't interested at all.

Gai handed Naruto the stopwatch. "Set it for 20 minutes." He told him.

Naruto took a seat on the bleachers and set the watch. _I can't wait! Kakashi-sensei's gonna do 6,000 more than Gai_! He thought excitedly. "Go!"

They both started and Naruto watched them both intently. His jaw dropped when he saw how slow his sensei was going. Kakashi was talking his sweet little time Gai was well past 38.

"Come on, Kakashi-sensei! Don't slack!" Naruto cheered.

Kakashi yawned. "Even though it is good exercise for a ninja, I _hate_ jump roping." He said as he just passed 20.

Naruto sweatdropped as 10 minutes passed and Gai had done well over 250 and Kakashi-sensei was just passing 98. _I can't believe Kakashi-sensei is letting Gai win… _"Come on, Kakashi-sensei! Don't let thick brows win!"

10 minutes later, Naruto called time. He was pretty disappointed in Kakashi's performance.

"In 20 whole minutes, you only did 120, sensei! _I_ can do more than that!" Naruto screamed at a still calm Kakashi.

"I already told you, I hate jump roping." Kakashi said.

"And Gai did 450! And you, the great Kakashi Hatake couldn't even make it to 200!" Naruto fussed at his sensei for 5 minutes. "What happened sensei? Did your motivation get lost on the road of life, too?"

Kakashi could only shrug.

KAKASHI- 49GAI- 51

After the 5 minute break was up, Gai made another challenge.

"Next, we'll see who can do the most one-handed pushups within 20 minutes!"

Naruto looked up at Kakashi. "Do you think you can do that?"

Kakashi smiled. (Unless you had x-ray vision, you couldn't see it) "Of course!" He got down in the push up position and started when Naruto said go.

Gai kept his eyes plastered to Kakashi, whereas Kakashi just kept staring at the ground.

He finally noticed Gai glaring at him. "What?" He asked happily.

"You know what, scarecrow."

"I know lots of things," Kakashi a.k.a Scarecrow started. "I know that your face can be compared to a brillo pad and I also know you're 120 pushups behind me." He just finished doing his 230th pushup in 2 minutes.

Gai grit his teeth. "Why you!" Kakashi's insults were always clever. They usually always got under Gai's skin. Nonetheless, Gai was still an amazing teacher, even if he was a bit…crazy.

"Time!" Naruto yelled. He was noticeable happier this time. "That was great, Kakashi-sensei! You did 1,840 and Gai did 1,720! Way to go, Kakashi-sensei!"

Gai shook his head. "Unlike my rival here, _I_ won't make excused about my losses."

KAKASHI- 50GAI-51

After the 5 minute break, Gai proclaimed the next contest. "Next, we'll see how many laps we can do, in 20 minutes."

Naruto blinked. "Around this gym?"

"Yep," Gai nodded. "This gym preserves grown mens' youthfulness."

Naruto looked at Kakashi for some sort of explanation. Kakashi shrugged. _This youth stuff is harder to understand than Kakashi-sensei's 'road of life' _he thought.

"Unfortunately, scarecrow, this is the last contest of the Gai Games today." Gai said, as he took position beside Kakashi at the end of the gym.

_Thank God_! Kakashi thought joyfully. _After this,_ _I'm hitting the going to the spa…_

Once Naruto gave the signal, both men took off running around the gym.

Naruto watched and cheered his sensei on. "You've got this, sensei! We all know you're faster than him!"

Then, the unexpected happened.

Kakashi _accidentally_ stepped on a banana peel and slipped.

"Oh no, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto ran over to him. "Gai must've summoned a banana peel and you slipped on it!"

Kakashi sat up and rubbed the back of his. "Ouch…where did that banana peel come from?"

Gai was laughing profusely at Kakashi, who was sitting on his (nice and possibly soft) ass. "Now _that_ was funny!" He said in between laughs. "I wish the entire village was here to see this!"

KAKASHI- 50GAI-52


	7. The Spa Incident

Because of the graphic nature of this chapter, reader discretion is advised. If you don't know what that means, let me put this in a way you'll understand. A hell of a lotta sexual themes will be used in this chapter. Hell, I'm thinkin' about writing a porn book like Jiraiya one day…anyway you've been warned.

Chapter 7- The Spa Incident

Kakashi had lost 2 games out of 3, but did he care? No. It wasn't like it was a sparring match. He relaxed by going down to the Konoha Spa. _Ah…this is great…_

Anko and Kurenai had just arrived at the Spa with the intention of relaxing.

"You know what would be great?" Anko asked as they walked down the hallway to the Spa area. "If we went into the Men's area and Iruka and Kakashi were there."

Kurenai blushed. "You mean…"

Anko smiled deviously. "Yep, we're goin' to the Men's area!"

"But…what if they're not there?" Kurenai asked, still blushing.

"One of them has to be there. Plus, Iruka always comes to the spa on Saturdays." Anko opened the door and peeked around the Men's lockeroom. She went inside and saw a regular jounin outfit thrown across the bench. "Well, someone's here."

She started undressing and Kurenai did the same. She slid the door to the hot tub open and there he was. In all his buck naked glory.

Kakashi Hatake.

Kurenai thought she had died and gone to Heaven.

Kakashi was standing there with a deep blush on his face. He looked at Kurenai, then at the long thing between his legs. "Uh…aren't you two in the wrong section of the spa?" He asked, scratching his head.

Kurenai was having quiet a nosebleed starring at Kakashi's "thing."

Anko looked at it, but acted as if it were no big deal. "That's a pretty big thing you got there." She even took the liberty of pointing to it. "I hope Iruka gets here soon, I wouldn't mind seeing his too." She glanced at Kurenai and was pretty taken aback by what she saw. "Whoa, you're _really_ enjoying this, huh?"

Kakashi waved his hand in front of Kurenai's face. "Earth to Kurenai, aren't you in the wrong section of the spa? And could you please stop staring at my _stuff_, you're making me blush."

"It was Anko's idea." Kurenai muttered, her eyes not leaving the sight in front of her. (If Kakashi was standing naked in front of you, would _you_ look away?)

Kakashi looked at Anko. "This was your idea? Why am I not surprised?"

Anko gave him a dismissing look. "Oh please, I came here for Iruka-kun."

"Iruka-_kun_?" Kakashi raised his eyebrow. "You dating him now?"

"You damn right. I bet'cha 10 bucks his stuff is bigger than yours." Anko said, proudly.

Kurenai shook her head doubtfully. "I don't think _anyone's_ is bigger than that."

The door opened and in stepped Iruka Umino. He stopped in his tracks with a nosebleed. "Anko? What are you doing here!" He asked.

"I came here for you, 'Ruka. Take your clothes off and I'll meet you in the hot tub."

Kakashi scratched his head, unsure of what to say. It occurred to him that Kurenai was looking intently at his middle. "Are you done staring? I've only been staring at your breasts for 15 minutes; you've been staring at me for 25."

She tried to shake herself out of it. "Sorry, Kakashi, it's just so…."

He put his arm around her and walked her into the Men's hot tub. Deciding to make small conversation, he said, "You women must be more perverted than us men. Your nosebleed is about 100x bigger than mine. You might wanna go to the hospital and get that checked out. He suggested as they sank into the comfortable hot water.

She wanted to laugh at his joke, but incidentally sat in his lap…and felt something slide against her butt. Kurenai immediately jumped up. Out of shocked asked, "What was that!"

Kakashi gave her a you-know-what-it-was look. He glanced over at Anko who was giving Iruka an I'll-rape-you-later look. He sighed and looked aback at Kurenai. "Are you going to sit down?" He smiled. "I'm not going to piss up your butt if that's what you're worried about."

Kurenai laughed. "But won't it hurt if I sit on it?" she asked.

"As long as you don't weigh over 300 pounds, it should be okay."

When she finally sat in his lap (again), she sighed. "Just don't impregnate me, okay?" she whispered to him.

"I won't." He grinned, with the hint of a slight nosebleed.

"Asuma won't be too happy about that," Anko said. "He just got back from his mission earlier today and I'll bet he's looking for you, Kurenai."

Kurenai sighed. How many times must she explain this? "Asuma and I weren't dating…"

Anko nodded. "If you say so. Anyway, Iruka and I have been seeing each other for a while now, and we were thinking about getting married."

Iruka's mouth dropped. "We are! Why so soon? We have time!"

"Yeah, but you won't bang me till we get married and I don't wanna wait 50 years for you to propose." Anko stated. She looked at Kakashi, who seemed comfortable. "So, when are you gonna pop the question to Kurenai?" She asked him.

Kakashi blushed. "We haven't even talked about _that_ yet. I doubt Iruka's ready, either."

"I wasn't. I've been pretty busy with the kids at the Academy, so…"

Anko grabbed him by his throat. "What do you mean you're not ready for marriage! Didn't I just say we're not getting any younger?"

Kurenai stood up. Kakashi got up a second later.

"I've got to pee." He said, stepping out of the hot tub, but not before having his bare ass grabbed by Kurenai. "You keep _that_ up and I'll have to get a restraining order." He said as he walked towards the bathroom.

"You should go with him; he might need help aiming in the toilet." Anko joked.

"With a _thing_ that size, I don't think he'll have any problems getting his urine in the toilet." Kurenai said, in the middle of a fantasy about having sex with Kakashi.

A/N -Don't ask where I come up with this stuff. lol


	8. The Talk at the Bar

Chapter 8- The Talk at the Bar

The next day, Kakashi woke up to a very loud knocking at his door.

_Don't tell me it's Gai_…he thought as he went to answer the door in his sharingan boxers.

"Yo." He answered sleepily. He was still half asleep.

"I heard you wee sleeping with my girl." The guy at the door said.

_Definitely wasn't Gai, he doesn't have a girl_. Kakashi thought. "Sleeping with your girl? I haven't slept with anybody…wait, there was this old lady down the street who said she was having nightmares and said she needed company…"

"Don't play games with me, Hatake; you know exactly who I'm talking about!"

Still half sleep, Kakashi didn't fully wake up until he was punched in the face.

He held his aching cheek and finally opened his eyes. "Oh, _Asuma_, hey." He replied as if nothing had happened.

The cigarette smoking man was about to hit Kakashi again, but Kakashi grabbed his fist.

"I hope you don't think you can kick my ass, Asuma." Kakashi said in a more serious tone. "I'm _not_ sleeping with Kurenai if that's what you're insinuating. _She_ told _me_ that you two were never dating. She continuously _denied_ any claims that the two of you were a couple. If you ask me, I think you turned her off with your smoking habit."

He let go of Asuma's fist. "She said that, huh?" Asuma asked disappointedly.

"Now would I lie to you?" Kakashi asked innocently.

Asuma sighed. (If that's possible with a cigarette in your mouth) "I guess I can't hate you for that then, huh." He sighed again. "I'm gonna get wasted, you wanna join me?"

That sounded like a good idea to Kakashi. "Sure, but I just woke up and it's too early in the morning to get drunk."

Asuma nodded. "You have a good point there." He turned around to leave and Kakashi closed the door.

_That wasn't so hard, was it_? Kakashi thought it'd be a hell of a lot harder than that. _Good, I can go back to sleep and dream_… Kakashi yawned and walked back into his bedroom.

3 Peaceful Hours Later…

After Kakashi had gotten himself dressed, he went to the Konoha Bar. He didn't go there to get wasted, he went there because it was a good place to meet with his fellow jounins, talk, and read.

As soon as he went inside, he saw Ebisu, Genma, and Iruka were sitting at a table drinking sake when they spotted the ever popular Kakashi.

"Hey, Kakashi! Come and join us, man." Genma called.

Kakashi went to the table and took his seat. "Yo, Genma, Iruka, and…Ebisu." He raised his eyebrow. "Aren't you supposed to be looking after the Third's grandson?"

"What? I'm not allowed to come to the bar and look at chicks?" Ebisu asked in reply. He stared at Anko, Kurenai, and Hana (Kiba's big sister) who had just walked in. "Well would you look at that? All the sexiest female ninjas just walked in…"

Kakashi turned around, saw Kurenai, blushed, and turned away.

Genma elbowed Kakashi. "What do you think, buddy?" He asked with a sly grin.

"I think the women look…lovely." He said hesitantly.

"_Lovely_? Is that it? You don't think Kurenai is…_hot_?" Genma teased.

Ebisu laughed. "I heard that you and Iruka saw Kurenai and Anko _naked_. What did their bodies look like?" He asked.

Iruka coughed when Ebisu glanced at him. He did _not_ want to explain what Anko's naked body looked like. That was her business. It was a nice naked body, but Ebisu didn't need to know that. "I can't say." He said quickly.

Kakashi's face had turned red, but he said nothing.

"Aw, c'mon, what did Kurenai look like without her clothes on?" Genma asked.

Kakashi shook his head. "All I'll say is; her figure was rather nice."

"Did you fondle her—"

"No." Kakashi quickly said, still reading his book.

Genma and Ebisu turned to Iruka. He put his hands up in defense. "Don't look at me! I'm not telling you guys anything!" He said.

Genma sighed. "Alright, who's the hottest chick in the village? Besides Kurenai and Anko."

Kakashi shrugged. "I don't know, but I can certainly tell you who has the biggest boobs in the village."

All four of them said, "Tsunade." In unison.

Genma laughed. "Hell, I bet her boobs weigh 30 pounds each." He joked.

The men laughed. "Do you think her boobs would shrink if she stopped using her age reversal jutsu?" Ebisu asked.

"Probably." Kakashi and Iruka said at the same time.

"Just think of it though, if she was going to breast feed, the kid would have and _endless_ supply of milk." Genma said which cracked the men up.

"Say something, Iruka. Don't you look at those huge milk jugs when you go into the Hokage's office?" Ebisu asked.

"Not always. I used to, but after Anko and I started dating, I've kind of quit."

"That's right, you're taken. I _know_ you still look, Kakashi." Genma said.

"Who me?" Kakashi asked dumbfounded. "I don't look…"

"Liar." Ebisu and Genma said at the same time.

The Other Side of The Bar…

Kurenai couldn't help but steal a quick glance at Kakashi. He was hot, even if he did have his clothes on. Anko kept daydreaming about Iruka and when fellow jounin, Hana asked what Iruka looked like naked, Anko just had to describe him.

"Well, he's got a nice round butt; his thing's not too bad either. It's long and—"

"Okay, Anko. I think we can imagine the rest for ourselves." Hana said, looking almost horrified that Anko would sit back and really describe Iruka's naked body to them. "Well, how about Kakashi? And please don't go into as much detail as Anko, Kurenai."

Kurenai sighed. "It's big." Was all she said.

"Does he have a nice chest?"

"Yes, of course he does." Kurenai answered.

Anko gulped down a glass of sake. "Okay, who's the hottest jounin in the village? Besides our Iruka and Kakashi?"

"I don't know…Genma or Asuma." Kurenai said.

"I'd have to go with Genma. Asuma's a little too rugged for my taste." Hana said.

"I can tell you who has the biggest _thing_ in the entire village, though." Anko said proudly. "Iruka's was about one inch shorter."

Kurenai grinned. "Kakashi."

Anko nodded. "That thing was _huge_! He could put out a fire in a three story building."

Kurenai and Hana laughed. "She's exaggerating." She told Hana.

Anko pat Kurenai on the back. "We'll never have to worry about our men peeing on the toilet and the floor. With things that long, they could use the bathroom and still be in the bed with us."

Kurenai laughed. Anko was crazy, and she had the craziest sense of humor in the entire village.

Hana got up. "Well, it was a nice chat with you two, even if one of you was crazy as hell." Hana said, referring to Anko. "I guess I'll head back to the hospital now."

"See ya, we're gonna go mess with our two favorite men." Anko said, pulling Kurenai over to the table with Iruka, Genma, Ebisu and Kakashi.

"I'll tell you who's the sexiest—" Genma stopped when he saw them coming. He cleared his throat. "Well, well, if it isn't the two lovely ladies who've finally tamed Iruka and Kakashi." He smiled.

Anko raised her fist triumphantly. "I don't know how easy it was for Kurenai, but handling Iruka was a piece of cake."

Iruka blushed. "Handling you was a different story…"

Kurenai took her seat right in Kakashi's lap. "Is this uncomfortable for you?" She whispered to him. He shook his head. "How are you?"

"I'm okay, and you?"

Kurenai frowned at the little orange book that held her _boyfriend's_ attention. She pried it from his grasp and flipped through a few pages. "Kakashi, why do you waste your time reading this book when you could have the real thing?" She asked him.

He shrugged. "I don't know…"

"I know it's your favorite book of all time, but please don't read it anymore. It makes me feel like I'm not enough for you."

All Kakashi said was, "Okay."

Ebisu laughed. "Not even married yet and she's getting you whipped, Kakashi."

"Good thing my Iruka-kun isn't a porn addict." Anko said, hugging Iruka.

"It's not like I look at pictures of naked women, I just read the material. It's only a good romance story and you people think it's porn." He sighed. "Just because it has some mature sexual themes… Can I at least finish the book?"

Kurenai stood up and Anko punched in him in the nuts.

"No you can't finish that sick garbage! Tell him, Kurenai!"

Kakashi had fallen out of his seat and was on the floor holding his injured genitals. "I'm sorry, Kurenai-chan, I was just kidding…" He said, still in pain. "I'm sorry; just…don't hit me again."

Genma and Ebisu sympathized for their fellow jounin.

"Sorry, Kakashi. You shouldn't have said that last line, buddy." Genma said, and offered him a hand.

Kakashi took it and pulled himself up. He looked at Kurenai. "I'm sorry. As soon as I get home I'm burning the book, okay?"

"Are you _lying_ to me, Kakashi?" She asked him.

He scratched his head. "Um…well…not exactly, I'm not lying…maybe I exaggerated…"

They all said, "Liar." At the same time.

Kurenai lifted her leg up as if she was going to kick Kakashi in the nuts again.

He immediately held his stuff and backed away. "I promise I won't read it again, just…leave my _thing_ out of it. It shouldn't have to be punished because of my reluctance to give up reading Icha Icha Paradise."

Genma nodded. "Yeah, Kurenai, you plan on having babies with Kakashi, right? Everytime you hit him in the balls, you lower his sperm count." It was true though. Scientists could actually prove it.

"Yeah, it's a proven fact, you know." Kakashi said, as he tried to calm Kurenai down. He was already hit in the nuts by Anko, and she didn't hold back. "How about a date later on today?" He asked.

"As long as you burn that pathetic garbage you call a novel."

"I can't just throw it in the trashcan?" He asked her. He was going to have to revert to using his charm.

Kurenai shook her head and sighed. "Fine, Kakashi. I don't see how anyone could stay mad at you."

Kakashi wrapped his arms around her. "Your place at 8?" He asked.

"Okay."

Genma laughed. "That was real smooth, Kakashi. Piss your girl off, and _then_ ask her on a date."

Ebisu nodded. "You two making a sex tape anytime soon?"

"No, Ebisu. Like I'd _ever_ let you see Kurenai-chan naked." Kakashi picked Kurenai up in his arms and carried her out of the bar.

"I can _walk_, you know." Kurenai told him.

"Oh, please, you enjoy this."

"Where are we going?"

"The bookstore."

"What for?"

"So I can sell my Icha Icha Paradise book."

Kurenai nearly gasped. "Really? You'd do that for me?"

"Yeah, if I don't want to get kicked in my private place."


	9. Giving Up the Book

Chapter 9- Giving Up the Book

Kakashi had set Kurenai down so she could walk. He got tired of carrying her after 10 minutes. They walked up to the bookstore and stopped at the door.

Kakashi shook his head. "I can't do this…"

Kurenai looked at him and smiled. "It's okay, it's not like you're losing a child, you know."

Kakashi fake-sniffed. "Yes it is." He said in a fake-hurt voice.

Kakashi took the book out of his pocket and held it to his chest. "This is gonna kill me." He said as he sniffed again.

"_I'm_ going to kill you if you don't hurry up and sell that thing." Kurenai said and shoved him in the store.

Kakashi went up to the owner behind the counter and laid the book down. The owner looked up and saw the "sorrow" in Kakashi's eye. "Girlfriend's makin' ya sell it, huh?"

Kakashi nodded sadly.

"Well, I figured it'd happen sooner or later. Once you gotta girlfriend she's either make you burn it or sell it." The owner handed Kakashi seven yen. "Sorry, man, I don't know what to tell you." He said sadly.

Kakashi turned and looked at Kurenai. "You happy now?"

She smiled sweetly at him. "Yes."

They left the bookstore just in time to see Naruto bend down on one knee and propose to Sakura.

"Sakura, will you—" He was smacked in the face before he could finish.

"Naruto are you crazy? We're not even 18 yet! Besides, Hinata likes you, not me." Sakura screamed.

Naruto rubbed his sore cheek. "Huh? Hinata what!"

"She likes you, Naruto! What else? I can't believe you didn't notice! How could you not notice?" Sakura asked. "Oh wait, you're _Naruto_, of course you weren't going to notice."

"Well…do you think Hinata will marry me, then?" He asked dumbly.

"Probably." Sakura said it as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. (Which it was.)

Naruto scratched his head and took off running to the Hyuga compound.

Sakura sighed and looked around. Hundreds of people were standing around staring at her. Then she saw Kakashi and Kurenai. "You saw that, sensei!" She asked.

Kakashi nodded. "Yep, just don't ask me to baby-sit your kids." He teased and left with Kurenai. When they were a mile down the street, he started to long for his Icha Icha Paradise again. He had sold his copy of the book and now he was stuck porn less and bored.

"Are you still worried about that book?" Kurenai asked him.

Kakashi nodded. "You made me sell my only copy of it and I'll never be able to read it again."

"What are you going to do after we have kids? Do you really want them to see their father walking around the house reading that garbage?"

A look of terror came over Kakashi's face. "What! _Kids_? Us?"

"Yeah, we're going to have kids eventually, aren't we?" Kurenai asked him.

Kakashi scratched his head. "Uh…I wasn't planning on it, but… I sold my book, what else do I have to do?" Kakashi asked, trying to change the subject.

Someone slammed into Kakashi's back and tackled him. It's not even necessary to say who.

"Sensei! Sensei! Guess what! Hinata likes me!" The dumb blond screamed while on his sensei's back.

"Yes, I know she likes you, Naruto." Kakashi said lazily. "Did you know you're on top of me?"

"Oh, sorry, sensei." Naruto got off of Kakashi and jumped up and down in excitement. "Guess what, sensei! Hinata's going to marry me!"

Kakashi laughed nervously. "That's _great_, Naruto."

"Are you and Kurenai-chan going to get married?" He asked, still excited.

Kakashi looked at Kurenai and then back at Naruto. "Well, uh…maybe."

Naruto frowned. "Why not marry her now? You're both old enough!"

"Yeah, but…we don't want to…rush things." He explained. "So, you and Hinata-chan are getting married, huh."

"Yeah, I went to her mansion and proposed to her! It took her an hour and thirty minutes for her to say yes."

"That's great, Naruto…are you planning on having kids?"

"Yeah! But Hinata and I haven't really been talking about it, though."

Kakashi laughed. "That's great…I guess."

Naruto looked at Kurenai. "Are you going to have Kakashi-sensei's kids?"

She blushed. "Maybe…hopefully." She took a hold of Kakashi's hand. "We are having kids, right?" She looked pleadingly into his eyes.

Kakashi gave in and sighed. "I guess…whatever you want."

Naruto hit his sensei in the side. "You're supposed to give women whatever they want! If you don't, they'll leave you!" He said with a frown. "If Kurenai-chan wants kids, give her kids, if Kurenai-chan wants you to cook dinner, you'd better cook!" He held his fist up to his sensei's face.

Kakashi tried desperately not to laugh. "Um…yeah, but kids are a life-changing decision you know. It requires time. Plus, we're not married yet."

"And about that," Kurenai started. "How long do you plan to keep me waiting?"

"Uh…can you wait three more years?"

Naruto punched his sensei in the arm. "You can't make Kurenai-chan wait! She'll kick your ass!"

Kakashi rubbed his arm. "What's wrong with waiting?"

"You're already 30 years old, sensei! If you wait any longer your thing will get crusty!" He exclaimed.

Kakashi sweatdropped. "And since when did you become a sexual expert?"

"It's common sense!" Naruto said.

"You don't have any common sense so how would you know?" Kakashi asked.

"I do have common sense, sensei!" He protested.

"I'll see you later, Kakashi. I'll let you deal with your…student." Kurenai walked away.

Kakashi stared after her, but didn't do anything to stop her. He was left with Naruto. He sighed, stuffed his hands in his pockets and sighed. "Aren't you going to get going, too?" He asked Naruto.

Naruto grinned. "Nah, I think I'll hang out with my favorite sensei."

Kakashi sighed again. "I guess I could take you to get some ramen."

Chapter 10- Three Months Later & Kurenai's Ultimatum

Kakashi and Naruto were sitting at the ramen bar eating. Naruto stared at his sensei's bare face and poked it occasionally.

"Sensei, I have a question," Naruto started, still staring at his sensei. "How do you shave?"

"I take off my mask off and shave."

"Oh." Naruto began eating his ramen and occasionally looking at Kakashi. "How are babies made?"

Kakashi nearly choked. "Babies? Uh…well...a man sticks his part in a woman's part and everything goes from there." He explained and continued eating. "Why? You plan on making babies with Hinata soon?"

Naruto scratched his head. "Yeah, I guess. We've got to get married first, and I'm not old enough for that yet."

A lot has changed in three months time. Naruto and Hinata were officially a couple, Kakashi was being fondled and groped in several areas by Kurenai, yet somehow they manage to refrain from sex. Iruka and Anko were already married, and you can bet your ass on what they were doing in their spare time.

Naruto finished his ramen and waited for his sensei to foot the bill.

Kurenai came from behind and hugged Kakashi. "Hey, Kurenai." Kakashi said as he paid for his and Naruto's ramen and stood up. "I was just thinking about you." He lied. He had learned from Icha Icha Paradise that women loved it if you said that to them.

"Really?" She asked him sweetly.

"Uh…yeah."

Naruto followed the couple as they walked down the street. "Hey, Kurenai-chan, does Kakashi-sensei make do all the work around his house?"

"No, not really. Why do you ask?"

"Because, if my sensei abuses you in any way, I wanna know so I can turn him into the authorities."

"What? _Me_ abuse _Kurenai-chan_? It's the other way around, Naruto." Kakashi told him.

Naruto pointed at Kurenai accusingly. "What do you do to Kakashi-sensei?"

Seeing as how Kurenai wasn't going to answer the question, Kakashi decided he'd answer it for her. "She pushes me on the bed, rips my shirt off, gropes me in three different places and makes me walk around my house shirtless."

Naruto felt sorry for his sensei. "Whoa, sensei. Maybe Kurenai-chan is trying to tell you something." He suggested. "Maybe she's trying to tell you that she's ready to get married, right Kurenai-chan?"

Kurenai looked at Naruto as if he was the smartest thing in the world. "I think that was the truest, most intelligent thing you've ever said in your life."

Kakashi felt awkward. His dope student was giving him tips on his love life. And he was actually sounding intelligent. Kakashi didn't know what to do. He felt like fainting, but that's for females.

"Kakashi, you've got two more months to propose to me or else."

Kakashi was instantly snapped out of his thoughts of fainting. "Huh? Two months? How about two years…?" He asked which almost got him punched if Naruto hadn't gotten in the way.

He looked on the ground at his unconscious student.

_He won't be getting up anytime soon_ Kakashi thought and contemplated Kurenai's marriage ultimatum. _Okay, I might as well propose soon. She's getting impatient and that could've been me knocked out on the ground_… He glanced at Naruto again and shuddered. _Okay Kakashi, go find a pretty and inexpensive ring and propose_… Finally, after giving it thought, Kakashi sighed. "Okay, Kurenai. I'll propose sometime between now and next month."

Kurenai smiled. "Thank you." _The sooner we get married, the sooner I can get him in bed…_

Kakashi nodded. _She has to have a reason for wanting to get married so quickly_. He thought.


	10. Three Months Later & Kurenai's Ultimatum

Chapter 10- Three Months Later & Kurenai's Ultimatum

Kakashi and Naruto were sitting at the ramen bar eating. Naruto stared at his sensei's bare face and poked it occasionally.

"Sensei, I have a question," Naruto started, still staring at his sensei. "How do you shave?"

"I take off my mask off and shave."

"Oh." Naruto began eating his ramen and occasionally looking at Kakashi. "How are babies made?"

Kakashi nearly choked. "Babies? Uh…well...a man sticks his part in a woman's part and everything goes from there." He explained and continued eating. "Why? You plan on making babies with Hinata soon?"

Naruto scratched his head. "Yeah, I guess. We've got to get married first, and I'm not old enough for that yet."

A lot has changed in three months time. Naruto and Hinata were officially a couple, Kakashi was being fondled and groped in several areas by Kurenai, yet somehow they manage to refrain from sex. Iruka and Anko were already married, and you can bet your ass on what they were doing in their spare time.

Naruto finished his ramen and waited for his sensei to foot the bill.

Kurenai came from behind and hugged Kakashi. "Hey, Kurenai." Kakashi said as he paid for his and Naruto's ramen and stood up. "I was just thinking about you." He lied. He had learned from Icha Icha Paradise that women loved it if you said that to them.

"Really?" She asked him sweetly.

"Uh…yeah."

Naruto followed the couple as they walked down the street. "Hey, Kurenai-chan, does Kakashi-sensei make do all the work around his house?"

"No, not really. Why do you ask?"

"Because, if my sensei abuses you in any way, I wanna know so I can turn him into the authorities."

"What? _Me_ abuse _Kurenai-chan_? It's the other way around, Naruto." Kakashi told him.

Naruto pointed at Kurenai accusingly. "What do you do to Kakashi-sensei?"

Seeing as how Kurenai wasn't going to answer the question, Kakashi decided he'd answer it for her. "She pushes me on the bed, rips my shirt off, gropes me in three different places and makes _me_ walk around _my_ house shirtless."

Naruto felt sorry for his sensei. "Whoa, sensei. Maybe Kurenai-chan is trying to tell you something." He suggested. "Maybe she's trying to tell you that she's ready to get married, right Kurenai-chan?"

Kurenai looked at Naruto as if he was the smartest thing in the world. "I think that was the truest, most intelligent thing you've ever said in your life."

Kakashi felt awkward. His dope student was giving him tips on his love life. And he was actually sounding intelligent. Kakashi didn't know what to do. He felt like fainting, but that's for females.

"Kakashi, you've got two more months to propose to me or else."

Kakashi was instantly snapped out of his thoughts of fainting. "Huh? Two months? How about two years…?" He asked which almost got him punched if Naruto hadn't gotten in the way.

He looked on the ground at his unconscious student.

_He won't be getting up anytime soon_ Kakashi thought and contemplated Kurenai's marriage ultimatum. _Okay, I might as well propose soon. She's getting impatient and that could've been me knocked out on the ground_… He glanced at Naruto again and shuddered. _Okay Kakashi, go find a pretty and inexpensive ring and propose_… Finally, after giving it thought, Kakashi sighed. "Okay, Kurenai. I'll propose sometime between now and next month."

Kurenai smiled. "Thank you." _The sooner we get married, the sooner I can get him in bed…_

Kakashi nodded. _She has to have a reason for wanting to get married so quickly_. He thought.


	11. Search For the Perfect Ring

Chapter 11- The Search for the Perfect Ring

Not long after Kurenai decided to go home, Kakashi went off looking for a ring. He knew nothing about rings and his Icha Icha Paradise book didn't cover it.

He was at a jewelry store when a particular ring caught his eye. A 50 karat diamond ring. He looked at the price.

78,000 yen!

_Never mind_. He went around the store looking for a nice ring to buy for his future wife. As he expected, all the beautiful ones were way out of his budget, and he no intention of going broke for an engagement ring.

Finally, he went to the only person he knew who had done this before.

Iruka.

He caught Iruka teaching at his school and explaining the basics of being a ninja to a half-asleep class.

Without knocking, Kakashi opened the door walked in and began asking Iruka how to pick out a good engagement ring without going broke.

"You know, Kakashi-san, that after you purchase the engagement ring, you'll have to get the wedding ring sooner or later." Iruka informed him.

"Damn, this woman is trying to make me go broke, isn't she?" Kakashi sighed and heard the loud "Oooohhhh"s of the on looking school children who were wide awake now. He ignored the kids and continued his conversation with Iruka. "What should I do? You've already been through this with Anko."

Iruka glanced at his students, then dragged Kakashi outside the classroom and held the conversation there. "First of all, if you really love her, you should get it no matter how high the price is. Even so, you don't have to buy an expensive one; you could just have one custom made for a good price."

Kakashi thought it over. "So all I have to do is go to the jeweler and tell them to make me a engagement ring?"

Iruka nodded. "Yeah, but you have to be specific about it."

"Okay, so I'll just tell them to make an engagement ring and put a nice beautiful red ruby on it."

Iruka smiled. "There you go; I always knew you were creative, even if you were a bit…"

Kakashi raised his eyebrow. "A bit what?"

_A bit of a crazy and perverted jounin _Iruka thought with a forced laugh. "Ah, nothing. Is that all you wanted to know?" he asked.

"Yep, that covers it." Kakashi waved and walked off.

Iruka almost laughed. _Poor guy, he's going to be broke by the time he gets the engagement ring, **and** the wedding ring…_

Somewhere not too far from the jeweler, Naruto was looking at rings with his 16 year old "fiancée" Hinata.

"Hmm, I like that one." Hinata said shyly and pointed to a 50 karat ring with billions of diamonds on it. "..But…it's too expensive."

Naruto patted Hinata on the back. "Nah, don't worry about it! I'm footing the bill for it, so don't worry."

Naruto took his frog wallet out and begin to count his yen. He was saving up his money in case of emergencies. And this qualified for an emergency.

"Yo," The voice nearly scared Naruto out of his mind. "I see you're looking for engagement rings too, huh?"

Naruto turned around. "Kakashi-sensei! Are you looking for engagement rings too!"

A sweat drop appeared over Kakashi's head. _I just asked him that_… "Uh…yeah, actually I was. I was going to get a ring for Kurenai made custom."

"Oh. Hinata likes that ring over there. Naruto said, pointing to the most expensive one in the shop.

Kakashi scratched his head. "Isn't that a bit too expensive for you?"

"Yeah, but I'll just have to go on more missions then." Naruto was still happy go lucky until Jiraiya got slapped by a chick and landed on the glass case. Exactly where the ring was! "Nooooo! Not the ring!" Naruto screamed.

Hinata gasped and Kakashi scratched his head.

"Well, I'll see you later, Naruto, Hinata-chan." He walked towards the clerk. "Hey, is there any chance you could make an engagement ring for an inexpensive cost?"

The lady stared at him dreamily. (Like most females would) "Would you like a hot and single salesclerk to go with that?" She asked, sitting on the countertop attempting to seduce Kakashi.

He scratched his head. "Sorry, no, I'm already in a relationship with someone."

The woman looked disappointed. "Okay, fine. I can make you a engagement ring, but for free."

Kakashi raised his eyebrows. "For free?"

"Yep, all you have to do is come to the girl's bathroom and give me a strip tease."

"A strip tease? Do I look like a stripper?" He asked.

"No, but you sure would make a lot of money if you did. So will you do it? I'll make you any ring you want."

Kakashi thought about it for a moment. "What if my girlfriend comes in the bathroom and sees us? She'll think I'm cheating on her."

"Just strip down to your underwear and let me stare at you for ten seconds and then you can put your clothes back on." The lady said.

Kakashi sighed. Now he knew what women felt like at strip clubs. He reluctantly followed the lady in the bathroom and stripped…

5 Minutes Later…

Kakashi came out of the bathroom as if nothing happened and the lady followed. She had the biggest nosebleed in history.

"Do I get the ring now?" He asked.

The lady nodded. "Yeah…but can I have your number for a future booty call?"

Kakashi sweat dropped. "No…the only woman that will ever get a booty call from me is my wife."

The lady looked disillusioned, but she was still satisfied. "Okay then, tell me what type of ring you want and I'll have it made for you by tomorrow morning."


	12. Tsunade's Great Plan

Chapter 12- Tsunade's Great Plan

Kakashi woke up. Today was the day he was going to pick up his engagement ring and finally propose to Kurenai. He yawned and got out of bed.

He smelt something cooking in his kitchen. If Kurenai was in there cooking…

"Oh, Kakashi-sensei! You're awake."

Kakashi sweatdropped. "Naruto..? What are you doing?"

"Sakura-chan and I are cooking you breakfast." Naruto said. He had an apron, and even a chef hat on. "Don't you know? Today is Sensei Appreciation Day."

Kakashi got up and walked into his kitchen. "That's really sweet, but I don't exactly _trust_ you two with my food." Kakashi saw Sakura sprinkling something in his food. "What type of poison are you putting in my fried eggs?"

Sakura thought for a second. "Oh? I think it's called Roach killer—I meant salt! It's salt!"

Kakashi scratched his head. "Roach killer?"

"No, I said salt." Sakura said, grinning. "Here's your plate, Kakashi-san."

Kakashi eyed Sakura before sitting down in front of his plate. He looked it over cautiously. _My students put roach killer in my food? I thought they said this was Sensei Appreciation Day…I really must be a bad sensei_. He sighed and picked up his chopsticks.

He pulled his mask down and put a piece of his food in his mouth. He looked from Sakura to Naruto, but said nothing. He chewed it some more and decided to swallow. He did taste some salt in it. If there was roach killer in it, he didn't really taste it.

_My students are good_… Kakashi thought. _I can't even taste the poison. _"What kind of poison did you say you put in this?" He asked Sakura.

Sakura smiled reassuringly. "I only put _salt_ in it, Kakashi-sensei."

"Yeah…right." He said apprehensively. He continued to eat, waiting for the poison to kick in.

But it didn't.

After he finished the entire plate and sat there.

"What is it, Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked.

Kakashi burped. "Nothing, I guess."

Sakura and Naruto cleaned up the kitchen while Kakashi took a bath. He still had to get that ring from the jeweler. At least he wasn't going to go broke, considering he gave the woman a "strip tease". He sighed._ If Kurenai-chan finds out about that, she'll kill me… _He shook his head. _Well, she'd better not. I did it for her…and so I wouldn't go broke paying for her damn ring._

Sakura knocked on his bathroom door. "Kakashi-sensei! Kurenai-chan wants to give you a back rub!"

Kakashi's eyes widened and he stepped out of the tub, dripping wet, and buck naked. He opened the door and noticed Sakura's wide eyes.

"Ewwww! Kakashi-sensei! You could've a least covered up first!" She screamed and covered her eyes.

Kakashi looked down. "Whoops." He covered himself and ran back into the bathroom. "Where is Kurenai?" He asked loudly.

"It was just a joke to see what you were going to do; I didn't know I was going to be scarred for life!" Sakura said. "Oh my gosh, sensei!"

"Sorry!" Kakashi sank back into the tub and started relaxing again. _I really could use a backrub, though…_

In the Hokage's Office…

"He's what?" Tsunade exclaimed, knocking over some papers and her little piggy. "Kakashi can't be!"

The lady that was supposed to be making Kakashi's engagement ring stood in front of Tsunade, spreading the gossip on one of Konoha's sexiest ninjas. "It's true."

"You can't let him get married! He's too sexy to be married!" Shizune exclaimed.

"I know," The jeweler lady agreed. "But he must really love Kurenai-chan. He practically stripped down to his boxers. I told him I'd give him the ring for free if he stripped. He was really reluctant about it, but damn he was sexy."

Tsunade sighed. "We're losing a very valuable jounin, you know. He's planning on marrying Kurenai soon, and the he'll be talking about kids…and…it only goes downhill from there."

Tonton made that noise she usually makes to agree with what the humans were saying.

"We have to make sure he _never_ gets married, but how do we accomplish that?" The jeweler lady asked.

"We could threaten to beat him up." Shizune suggested.

Tsunade nodded. "True, but do you really want to have to kick his sexy ass?"

"I wouldn't, but if that's what we have to do to keep him single, then…"

There was a knock on the door.

"Come in." Tsunade starred.

It was Kurenai.

All three women stared at her. Even Tonton had a look of jealousy on her face.

Kurenai glanced at the jeweler lady, then Shizune and the Tsunade. "Is there something on my face?" She asked.

Tsunade shook her head. "No, not really. I've got a mission for you. It's a retrieval mission." She looked at the jeweler lady. "The jeweler lady lost her ring. It was very important to her. Could you help her find it?"

Kurenai nodded. "I guess so." She gave Tsunade an odd look. "Why does it feel like you're trying to get rid of me?" She asked.

_Because I am._ "Oh, I'm not trying to get rid of you, it's just that this mission is of utmost importance and since you were the first jounin to come in, I figure I could just hand it to you. Is that a problem?"

"I guess not." Kurenai turned around to leave and the jeweler lady followed. She left, but not before giving Shizune and Tsunade two thumbs up.

When the door was shut, Tsunade and Shizune began cracking up.

"That was great! This mission will take all day if the plan works!" Tsunade said, in-between laughs. "Go get Kakashi-_kun_; we've got to have a heart to heart talk with him."

25 Minutes Later…

"You wanted to see me, Tsunade-sama?" He asked, as he opened the door and went in.

Shizune resisted the urge to jump on top of him and rape him.

He nodded calmly towards Shizune. "Yo, Shizune."

Tonton jumped out of Shizune's arms and walked over in front of Kakashi. She made that strange noise and looked up at him sadly.

Kakashi knelt down and patted Tonton on the head. "I'm sorry, Tonton, but I can't. It never would have worked out right. You're a pig and I'm a human…how would I be able to…uh…well…"

Tonton sadly walked back over to Shizune.

"Aww, Kakashi. You're so hot, even animals like you." Shizune said with a sweet smile on her face.

Kakashi got up and scratched his head. "Yeah, well…it must be my six pack…" He said, before walking over to Tsunade's desk. "You wanted to see me about something?"

"Yes, your love life." Tsunade said.

"My love life? Since when did the Hokage worry about jounins love lives?" He asked.

"Since you've gotten yourself engaged to Kurenai-chan."

"How do you know a bout that? Did she tell you?" Kakashi asked.

"Kakashi-san, I'm the _Hokage_. I know almost everything that takes place in my village." Tsunade said, looking him straight in the eye. "Anyway, I'm giving you a mission. Don't get married to _anyone_. Including Kurenai."

Kakashi shook his head. "That's one mission I can't take."

"You don't have a choice." Tsunade pressed. "If you don't, I'll kick your ass and then strip you of your title as Jounin. You'll be stuck teaching little brat kids in the Academy."

"Why?"

Tsunade's eye twitched. "Because it would be very upsetting to the women in Konoha to see the Great Kakashi get married."

"I can't help that I'm in love with Kurenai." Kakashi protested.

"Oh really? Well, I can't help it if I rip that huge, thick thing outta your pants." She threatened.

Kakashi sweat dropped. "I…uh…well…I'll think about it."

"Please do, Kakashi. I'd hate to have to pull that thing outta your pants. I heard yours was quiet big. Maybe I'll auction it off and make a profit out of it."

Kakashi sighed. "I don't know, Tsunade-sama. I really love her, you know."

Tonton spoke in her own little piggy language and they all listened.

"She's right, Tsunade-sama, you should be happy for me." Kakashi said. "I would've invited you to the wedding."

Shizune shook her head. "Don't you know how upset the village women would be? They'll try to kill you and Kurenai and probably do worse. They'll try to poison your food and you'll never get a moment's peace." Shizune explained.

"Hmm," Kakashi scratched his chin. "That may be true, but I still love her."

Tsunade sighed, stood up, grabbed Kakashi by his vest, and threw him out of the window behind her. She watched him fall and hit the hard ground below. She smiled. "He looks so cute when he's falling out of a window."

Shizune shook her head. "Tsunade-sama, don't you think that was a bit much?"

Tsunade sat back down. "He's a jounin, he'll get over it."


	13. The Apology

(JBL NOTE)Whoa, a LOT of people seem to hate Kurenai, so I decided to give her an excuse to act the way she does. No, the excuse it's not dramatic, it's more of a…well, you'll read and find out, and I'll **_TRY_** to tone down the sexual references a little bit.

JBL

Chapter 13- The Apology

If there was one thing Kakashi didn't expect, it was being thrown out of the Hokage's window. His butt and head hurt. He was still on the ground hurting when some female villagers gasped and ran over to him.

"Oh my gosh! Kakashi-kun fell out of that window!" One of them screamed.

"Oh, no. Are you alright, Kakashi-kun? I'll take you home." Another one of them offered.

"How do you even know where he lives?" The first lady asked.

"I've been stalking him for two weeks now; of course I know where he lives!"

Finally, Kakashi stood up and rubbed his aching butt. _Next time Tsunade does that, I'm going to use a substitution jutsu. _

All the women around him gasped. "Oh my goodness, he's awake! Kakashi-kun _lives_!"

Kakashi raised his eyebrow. "Huh? You thought I was dead?" He asked.

"Can I have your autograph, Kakashi-kun?" A lady asked.

He scratched his head. "Well, I guess. I don't have a pen, though."

In Tsunade's Office…

Tsunade looked out of her window again.

"Is he alive?" Shizune asked.

"Yep, he's alive and getting harassed by random females."

Shizune sighed in relief. "Thank goodness and please don't do that again Tsunade-sama. He could get brain damage!"

Tsunade smiled. "I'm sorry; I thought he was going to use a substitution jutsu."

Suddenly, Naruto busted in. "Hey, old lady Tsunade! We're doing something special for Kakashi-sensei today! We cooked breakfast for him, cleaned up his house, but now we kinda ran out of ideas. Since you're not doing anything else, can you help us?" He pleaded.

"Sorry, Naruto, but I don't know what to tell you." Tsunade said. "But the next time you see Kakashi, tell him I said if he proposes to Kurenai, he's dead meat."

Naruto scratched his head. "But why? He loves her."

Tsunade sweat dropped. She knew he wouldn't understand. One, he's a boy, and two, he's a dope. "Just tell him what I said, Naruto."

"Okay, granny Tsunade, but I don't know why you wouldn't want him to get married. He's already old and pretty soon he'll be wrinkly!" Naruto protested.

Shizune fumed. "He's only 30 and that's not old!"

"Oh really? And how old are you?"

Shizune sweat dropped. "31…"

"You're a year older than Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto exclaimed. "Pretty soon, you'll be old and wrinkly just like old granny Tsunade!"

Shizune chased Naruto out of the office leaving Tonton and Tsunade alone.

Three Hours Later…

Kurenai and the jeweler lady came in. Tsunade stood up and jacked Kurenai up against the wall.

"Some villagers told me about what you're doing to that poor man." Tsunade said. "Some…_Private Investigators_ of mine caught you on numerous occasions bossing poor Kakashi around. As the Hokage and a woman of this village, I won't stand for such a sexy man to be _abused_ like that. Any questions?"

Kurenai had a look of complete fear on her face. (If Tsunade jacked _you_ up, you'd be scared too) She shook her head. "No questions."

Tsunade dropped her. "Before I fine you 20 yen, can I ask you exactly why you're so bossy lately?"

Kurenai looked around and whispered, "It's because of my period…"

Tsunade raised her eyebrows. "Oh…I forgot about that. I haven't had mine in years…anyway; just make sure you apologize to Kakashi-san."

"Okay."

Anko stormed in the room. "Yo, Tsunade! Iruka-kun and I want a vacation!" She screamed.

Iruka walked in behind her. "Excuse her, Tsunade-sama, I told her to come in here quietly, but as always, she didn't listen."

Tsunade smiled. "Oh, it's okay, Iruka. I don't expect you to be able to control that beast you call a wife."

Anko got in her face. "Who you callin' a beast, titty monster!"

"You dango stealing b—"

Iruka got in between the two women. "That's enough you two." When they finally calmed down, Iruka decided to ask Tsunade politely for vacation. "Tsunade-sama, Anko and I would like a vacation."

"Why? Are you two going to go off to the Water Country and make babies?" Tsunade asked.

"Well, Iruka-kun and I were _considering_ it." Anko said. "But we only want a vacation so we can get more…alone time."

"I see. You've got two weeks off, now go and get outta here." She smiled.

Iruka picked Anko up in his arms and walked out of the Hokage's office. "Thanks, Tsunade-sama!"

Tsunade laughed to herself and then noticed that Kurenai was still there. "Oh, you can leave if you want. We had our little…_discussion_."

As Kurenai was about to leave, Kakashi showed up. He smiled (But you couldn't be able to tell) "Hey."

"Hey, Kakashi-kun," She glanced back at Tsunade. "Um…I'm sorry, Kakashi."

"For what?" He asked.

"For being so bossy for these last ten days, I've…"

"Tell him the reason, too." Tsunade said.

"I've been…well…on my period lately and…"

Kakashi laughed. "I could've figured that! I had read a chapter in Icha Icha Paradise that explained about women's…menstrual cycles." He put his hand on his chin. "It said that symptoms of this were mood swings, cramps, headaches, backaches and that the best thing to do for it was offering the victimized female a gift."

The jeweler lady (Yes, she was still in the room) gave Kakashi a little square box. "Like I promised, it's free, but remember what Tsunade-sama said…"

Kakashi sighed and cast a sad look at Tsunade._ I can't even propose to her unless I want my equipment ripped off…_ "Kurenai…are you okay? I could always take you out to the bar if it'll make you feel better."


	14. Operation: Keep Kakashi Unmarried pt 1

Chapter 14- Operation: Keep Kakashi Unmarried pt. 1

Being the gentleman he was; Kakashi had taken Kurenai out while Tsunade and Shizune looked on in jealousy.

"Damn…how long do you think my threat will work?" Tsunade asked Shizune.

"I don't know, but sooner or later, he's going to drop down on one knee and propose. What will we do then?" Shizune asked.

Tsunade shrugged. "Beats me, but I know a way to keep his sexy ass busy."

"What?"

"Send him on tons of D ranked missions; pay old ladies to beat him up, put things in his food to make him use the bathroom more often..."

Shizune's mouth dropped. "You wouldn't, Tsunade-sama."

"I will if it looks like he's going to propose."

At The Bar…

Kakashi and Kurenai were having a few _non_-alcoholic drinks, and being pestered by Gai.

"I completely forgot to spray myself with Gai Repellant." Kakashi muttered.

"If I knew they were selling that type of stuff now, I would have picked some up on the way over here." Kurenai said as she smiled warmly at Kakashi, thinking of having sex with him.

Gai fumed as usual. "You're officially dating my rival? Has his evil influence spread that quickly?"

Gai was attempting to imply that Kakashi and Kurenai had…well, that three lettered word.

Kakashi smiled back at Kurenai (even though she couldn't see it). "Oh, Gai, did you say something?"

"Don't trust that evil snake, Kurenai-chan! He's a known porn addict!" Gai kept pointing at Kakashi, drawing unwanted attention to a casual Kakashi.

"Gai, if you must know, I've quit my porn reading since I'm in a committed relationship, unlike yourself."

Gai racked his brains for a witty remark and then came up with, "Shut up, you porn loving smut ball."

Kakashi had just signed a autograph for a little kid and then turn to Gai. "Huh? Did you say something?"

_That cool-acting smut ball! What dose Kurenai-chan see in him?_ "Yes, I said something! I told you to _shut up_!"

"Kurenai, did you hear something? I couldn't hear over the sound of Gai passing gas."

Gai sighed and Kurenai laughed.

"You win this round, smut, but it's not over!" Gai stormed off, leaving the two alone.

"How do you do that, Kaka-kun?" Kurenai asked.

"How do I get Gai to leave me alone? Just ignore him for awhile."

The worst person that could possibly show up just showered up.

"Hello, Kakashi-sensei! Kurenai-chan! Did you ever get your ri—" Naruto fell flat on his face.

"What did you do to him?" Kurenai asked, slightly amused.

"I used my 'shut the hell up no jutsu'." He explained, and noticed someone at the far end of the bar with…binoculars! "Uh…Kurenai-chan, I think we're being followed."

The person with the binoculars had taken a long sip of sake, still staring at Kakashi. Then, as if he/she was a secret agent, they picked up some sort of walkie talkie and said something.

Kurenai noticed the person too. "It isn't Gai is it?"

Kakashi shook his head. "Nope." There were lots of people in the way, but he wasn't stupid. He knew when he was being stalked.

"Look." Kurenai pointed to a big breasted lady in odd clothes. "That looks like Tsunade."

"Yeah it does. There are not a whole lot of women in the village with boobs like that—I mean, uh…" Kakashi scratched his head. "I _meant_…"

"I know exactly what yo meant." Kurenai said, but couldn't help but smile at his absent mindedness. "If that's Tsunade, then the person with the binoculars must be Shizune-chan, but why are they stalking us?"

Kakashi stood up. "Long story. I think we'd better get our asses out of here before Tsunade decides she wants to kick them."

"Why?" Kurenai got up and followed Kakashi out of the bar. "Did you do something to upset her?"

"You might get mad…" He warned.

"Were you looking at something you shouldn't have?"

"No, I was minding my business, being a good little Kakashi when all of a sudden, she calls me into her office and tells me—"

Tsunade hit 'Kaka-kun' in the back of the head, leaving a huge lump. "She doesn't need to know about what we discussed."

Kakashi rubbed his newly formed lump. "You could've told me that before I left your office."

"I'm telling you, Hatake, if you pop the question, Konoha will be dealing with a full female riot."

Kakashi shrugged. Was that bad? "And?"

"And the female population will go down, along with the amount of babies being born and soon, Konoha's population in general will too. _We_ as a _nation_ can't afford that!" Tsunade yelled.

Tsunade's incredibly loud voice caught the attention of other villagers who were minding their own business.

"Oh yeah, before I forget, is Kurenai-chan treating you better?" Tsunade asked calmly, as if she had never been mad in the first place.

"Yeah, she's treating me better and at least she isn't giving me a headache."

Tsunade sighed. "Unfortunately, I've got work to do." She went off in the opposite direction whistling.

"What is she talking about?" Kurenai asked thunderstruck.

"Uh…I think she's a bit bipolar. She says if I…uh…tell you, she'll rip my private part off."

Kurenai shook her head. "Oh really, and then what will she do with it?" She tried to resist the urge to laugh.

"She said she'll auction it off somewhere…"

Kurenai patted his back. "I uh…understand."

Then suddenly…

"Kakashi-sensei! Did you get the ri—" Again, Naruto fell flat on his face.

"Don't tell me you used the 'shut the hell up no jutsu' again." She started laughing. It was just hilarious to see Naruto running and screaming at the top of his lungs, and then fall flat on his face without a warning.

Kakashi slipped his arm across her back. "Yep and now that's _he's_ out of the way…" He was going to pull his mask down and kiss Kurenai, but was interrupted with the oh so famous line.

"There you are my eternal rival!" Gai pointed his hideous finger at Kakashi.

"Oh no, not again." Kakashi muttered. With the way his day was going, he'd _never_ have any alone time with Kurenai. "Cover your eyes, Kurenai-chan, _Gai_ is here." He put his hand over Kurenai's eyes.

"You smut ball, what are you doing to Kurenai-chan?"

"What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't' protect Kurenai-chan from your _insidious_ face?"

"My face is beautiful!" Gai exclaimed.

"Beautifully dreadful."

"At least I don't cover up half my face!"

"You should start."

"Darn it, smut ball! You win again! But this isn't over!"

"I wish it was." Kakashi sighed. "Don't open your eyes yet, Kurenai, that ugly green beast is still here."


	15. Operation: Keep Kakashi Unmarried pt 2

Chapter 15- Operation: Keep Kakashi Unmarried pt. 2

"Kakashi, can I please open my eyes now?" Kurenai asked. Gai wasn't the best looking guy to ever walk Konoha, but he wasn't the ugliest either.

"No, what kind of boyfriend would I be if I let you go blind looking at that face of Gai's?" Kakashi ushered her down the street. "Open your eyes, but don't look back."

"Kakashi-kun, don't you think you're being a little too melodramatic?" Kurenai asked. "Gai certainly isn't the best looking guy in the world, but…his face—"

"Is the most hideous thing in the village and I don't want the mother of my future kids looking at it." Kakashi finished.

Gai shook his fist angrily. "You smut loving smut ball! How dare you! My face is better than yours!" He went off somewhere else.

Kakashi heard an odd but familiar noise of a little piggy named Tonton. He knelt down and smiled at the lil' piggy.

"Aww, it's Tonton. Look, Kurenai, isn't she adorable?" He pet Tonton on the head.

"Don't tell me you want a pet pig too." She said with a smile.

"Not really, I've got Pakkun."

Tonton began speaking in her "pig latin" and they listened.

"Oh really? Tsunade-sama wants me to piggysit you?" Kakashi asked and Tonton nodded. He looked at Kurenai. "It wouldn't bother you if Tonton tagged along with us for a bit?"

"No, I guess not. As long as she's potty trained."

Tonton wagged her tail and jumped into Kakashi's arms. She made her noise and seemed rather blissful.

"She's a lot cuter than Pakkun. You think Tsunade-sama will let us keep her?"

"I doubt it."

"Hey, yo, Kakashi! Tsunade-sama wants you to fill in for Iruka at the Academy!" Genma called from Ichiraku's Ramen Bar. "She says you have to start tomorrow! That means you have to get your ass up at 6:00 in the morning, buddy!"

Kakashi sweat dropped. "I'm in charge of Tonton _and_ I have to teach Iruka's class?" _Why does it seem like Tsunade's trying to keep me busy_? He sighed and tried to remain calm.

"Oh yeah, and Tsunade-sama want you to come clean her toilet, Kurenai-chan!" Genma added before digging into his bowl of ramen.

Kurenai sighed. "I guess that means we won't be seeing each other much, huh?"

Kakashi picked up Tonton and smiled lovingly at Kurenai. "What do you mean? You can always come in and visit me at the Academy. Especially while the kids are having recess, we could have a little _recess_ of our own."

"That's true but…the kid's will—"

"Oh, it's fine. The kids probably already know about us anyway." He gave Kurenai a tight hug, squishing Tonton in the middle. "You'd better get going; you've got toilets to clean."

When Kurenai left not long after that, Genma walked up o Kakashi.

"Hey man, you and Kurenai-chan getting serious?" He asked, patting him no the back.

"Well…yes and no. Yes, but, I can't ask her to marry me unless I want Tsunade killing me." He explained.

"Darn, man, that's gotta suck. Wanting to marry the girl of your dreams, but an overly crazy Hokage won't let you."

"Yeah, she says if I marry Kurenai-chan, it'll start a riot."

"Really?" Genma raised his eyebrows. "That's _exactly_ what she told me."

Kakashi was feeling two things right now. He was feeling relieved that someone else had been threatened by the overzealous Hokage, but on the other hand, he felt bad for the guy. It wasn't a good feeling being threatened for wanting to get married.

"So we both can't get married if we value our lives."

"Yeah, I'm scared to date a girl now. If we ever get serious, I'd never be able to marry her." Genma said.

Kakashi nodded. "A lot of people just can't stand the thought of me marrying Kurenai for some reason."

"And how come when Iruka and Anko got married, _no one_ was complaining then?" Genma asked.

"Probably because they knew that if they did, Anko would kick their ass."

Genma raised his eyebrow and pointed at Tonton. "Uh…Tsunade-sama has you taking care of her pet pig now?"

"Yeah, but I don't mind." Tonton did something that resembled a blush. "You hungry?"

Tonton made that noise and Kakashi took that as a yes.

"I'll see you later, Kakashi, Tsunade wants me to vacuum her office shirtless." Genma waved and walked off.

Finally, Naruto woke up from Kakashi's 'shut the hell up no jutsu'."

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei! Did you get that ring for Kurenai-chan!" He asked, grinning ear to ear.

"Uh…yeah, I got it."

"Great, when are you going to marry her!"

Kakashi sighed. "Probably never."

Naruto stopped grinning. "Why not, Kakashi-sensei? Was she cheating on you with Asuma? Or is she leaving you for more muscular guy? Does she have 6 months to live!"

"No, Naruto, it's none of those. It's too complicated for your dense mind to understand."

"Oh, I get it! Someone's threatening you not to marry her, right?"

A little surprised that the dimwit guessed it right, Kakashi nodded.

"Well, what are you going to do?"

Kakashi shrugged. "I don't know. Tsunade thinks the women in the village will get mad if I get married."

"Won't they, sensei? I swear I saw an old lady looking at your butt when we were at that farm fixing that fence! I even saw her teeth fall out!" Naruto said.

"Those were probably _dentures_, Naruto. Do you have any idea how much I love Kurenai? And not being able to propose is killing me."

Naruto gave his sensei a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry, sensei; maybe Tsunade will change her mind if I talk to her."

"Don't waste your time. She won't change her mind, even if you tried to bribe her. Thanks anyway, Naruto, but I'm going to get Tonton some…piggy food." Kakashi sighed and walked to the grocery store.

Naruto scratched his head. _I've never seen Kakashi-sensei sad before_. _I've got to get old granny Tsunade to change her mind._ Naruto took off running to the Hokage's office.


	16. Operation: Keep Kakashi Unmarried pt 3

Chapter 16- Operation: Keep Kakashi Unmarried pt 3

The next day Kakashi had gotten himself and Tonton ready to go to the Academy. He had to teach, and he had to take Tonton along with him.

He went inside the classroom with Tonton and introduced himself.

"Yo, class, I'm Kakashi Hatake…" He paused, scratched his head and grabbed a clipboard with a pen. "I guess I'll call roll…"

"Kakashi Hatake-sensei," A kid raised their hand. "Where's Iruka-sensei?"

"He's on vacation with his wife." Kakashi answered.

A little girl raised her hand eagerly. "Are you the Kakashi Hatake?"

"Yeah…"

"Oooh! I want your autograph!" She screamed. She had to be no more than 7 years old.

"Me, too!" Another kid exclaimed.

"We all do!" Another one said.

Kakashi sighed. _Something tells me it's going to be a long day…_ "Okay. Pass a piece of paper with your name on it and I'll take roll and autograph it."

There was a loud "Okay!" Followed by the rustling of paper being ripped out of notebooks and being shuffled and passed to the front.

A little girl raised her hand. "Hey, Kakashi-sensei, is the little piggy yours?"

"No, actually it's Tsunade-sama's, I'm just piggysitting." He replied as he walked past and took up the papers.

He spent ten minutes getting the roll done, and then he officially began class.

"Okay class, what was the last thing you remember Iruka-sensei teaching you?" He asked.

"He was teaching us about being responsible adult ninjas." A guy in the front row said.

Kakashi sighed. "Okay, this is going to be tough." He muttered under his breath and began teaching. "All right, being a responsible adult ninja is basically like being a responsible adult period. You need to keep training hard, never get lazy, do as many missions as you can and always, always make sure you get married _before_ you have sex, okay? Any questions?"

A little girl raised her hand. "What is sex?"

Kakashi sweatdropped. "Uh…nevermind, don't worry about it until you reach a more mature age."

"Can you give us a _demonstration_, Kakashi-sensei?"

"No, I'm afraid not. I can't teach that type of stuff to little children. Your parents would kill me." He said, then imagining himself being beaten horribly by a flock of angry mothers. "Anyway, being a responsible adult is also knowing when to drink sake and when not to drink sake. You drink sake on the _weekends_, after a mission perhaps, but never drink sake _before_ a mission."

"Are you an alcoholic, Kakashi-sensei?" The little girl asked.

"No, but I do drink _occasionally_. Only a glass or two, but I never exceed the maximum limit of twenty glasses."

The class nodded attentively.

"Anyway, another thing about being a responsible ninja is being kind o old people. Always respect your elders. Always help old ladies cross the street…" He racked his brain for another tip. Half the things he wanted to tell them he couldn't because they were so young and inexperienced in life. "I guess that's all I can teach you about being a responsible adult ninja."

The little girl raised her hand. "Oooh! Can we pet the piggy?"

"Fine with me."

"Can you teach us about love!" A little boy asked.

Kakashi scratched his head. "Uh…you're all _seven_ and _eight_ year olds…"

"Well, can you tell us about how _you_ were when you were a _kid_?"

Kakashi sighed. "I was smart…attentive…strong, there really isn't much to say. It was pretty boring sometimes."

"What was your love life as a kid?"

"Love life? I wasn't really into having girlfriends, I was too busy going on missions, and training hard."

"Were you a chick-magnet, Kakashi-sensei?" A little girl asked.

"Well…sort of."

"What types of food did you like?"

"Broiled saury with salt and miso soup with eggplant."

"Why don't you eat a bunch of sweets, Kakashi-sensei?"

"Because sweets rot your teeth and it's not healthy for ninjas."

"Oh, well, would you let your kids eat sweets?"

"Yeah, but not a lot of it."

"Can you adopt us, sensei?"

Kakashi sighed. He was _not_ adopting kids. Not these kids anyway. They had parents. "No, I can't adopt you. I'm sure you all have loving parents and nice comfortable lives."

There was a knock on the door and the person came in.

Kurenai.

Kakashi scratched his head. "Hey." He turned to the class. "Everyone this is Kurenai-chan."

"Oooh! Is she your girlfriend?"

"Well, she's…"

"Kakashi-sensei has a girlfriend!"

"So, Kakashi-kun, how is this teaching thing going?" She asked.

"It's…okay I guess. This crowd has a knack for getting off the subject."

The kids were dead quiet, then someone screamed, "Kiss him!"

Kakashi scratched his head. "Come on kids, lets go to recess."

"Yay!"

The kids filed out of the room and to the playground.

As soon as they were out of the room, Kakashi pulled his mask down and kissed Kurenai.

There were little giggles outside the room. Kakashi quickly pulled away from Kurenai and looked past her at the nosy children at the door.

"I said it was recess, not stand at the door and watch me kiss Kurenai-chan." He sighed. "They listen as much as Naruto does."

The kids ran down the hall giggling madly.

Before Kurenai could clear the teacher's desk and toss Kakashi on it, Naruto ran into the room panting.

"Hey Kakashi-sensei, I tried to get Tsunade-sama to let you marry Kurenai-chan, but she just threw me out of the winndow anad told me to go home."

"I told you not to worry about it, Naruto."

Naruto balled his fist up and a fire came to his eyes. "I'm not giving up, sensei! And you shouldn't either! Tsunade-sama will _have_ to listen, Kakashi-sensei! Tell her you really, really, really love Kurenai-chan and you—"

"Okay, Naruto. If it means that much to _you_. I'll talk with Tsunade about…_it_."

"Alright, Kakashi-sensei! But I'm still going to Tsunade aboout it. What she's doing is wrong, and it's blackmail." Naruto said before leaving.

Kurenai raised her eyebrows. "What's going on?"

Kakashi read somewhere in Icha Icha Paradise that hugging a "troubled female" will make them forget the last thing they heard. He was hoping it'd work now.

He brought her into a Heavenly embrace. "Oh, it's nothing." He told her. Kakashi heard more childish giggles. "Dammit, kids, go to recess!" He yelled, making Kurenai jump.

"They're just _kids_, kaka-kun."

"Very intrusive, hard-headed, immature kids." Kakashi retorted as the kids scattered down the hall for the second time. "A man can't even be at peace with his girlfriend."

Tonton came in and said something.

"Yeah, I'm kind of hungry too. You coming with us to go eat?" Kakashi asked Kurenai. "We'll all go back to my place and _I'll_ cook."

"That sounds—"

"Hey, Kurenai-chan! Tsunade wants to see you in her office!" Ebisu yelled.

Kakashi had a look of disapointment on his exposed face. "That's just great." He sighed. "Tonton and I could walk you to Tsunade's office."

"No, that's fine. Wouldn't want you getting screamed at, too." Kurenai kissed Kakashi and left.

Kakashi sighed, pulled his mask back up and looked down at Tonton. "Well, then, it's just you and me, Tonton."

Tonton made her noise and followed Kakashi out of the classrom.

He was met by a nosy group of school children.

"What is it?" He asked.

"Huh?"

"What is it? You must want something if you sat out here all this time listening."

"Umm… we got what we wanted…can we go to recess now?" The kid asked.

"You can go to _detention_." Kakashi replied cooly.

All 13 kids mouths dropped. "Detention?" They all screamed in unison.

"Yep, I'll do the paperwork tomorrow." Kakashi said as he walked off with Tonton. "Have a nice day."

In Tsunade's Office…

"Ah, Kurenai-chan, you're finally here." Tsunade had an 'I'm-about-to-ruin-your-life' look on her face.

Kurenai looked around nervously. When walking into Tsunade's office, you had to be on your guard. Various things could happen. She could get jumped; she could get sprayed with mase or get gassed.

"Tsunade-sama, you wanted to see me?"

"Yes, I did."

"And it concerns Kaka-kun?"

"Yes, it does."

Kurenai gulped and waited for Tsunade to issue her death sentence.

Tsunade sighed. "Is he taking good care of Tonton?"

"Yes."

"Did he wake up early and teach the class he was supposed to?"

"Yes."

"Did he propose to you?"

"Ye—no. I _wish_ he would."

"He isn't going to anytime soon."

Kurenai's heart dropped like a ton of bricks. "Why not? Is he…seeing someone else?" She asked.

Tsunade shook her head. "Not really, but you know that maid that keeps harassing all the male jounin—"

"Is she harassing Kaka-kun?"

"No, she just wanted me to tell you to tell Kakashi she said hey."

"O…kay…but why isn't he going to propose to me?"

Tsunade sighed, and began to tell Kurenai about how Kakashi getting married will ruin the whole flow of the Universe.

Kakashi's House…

Kakashi had on an apron and a chef hat as he stirred his miso soup.

He fixed three plates. Tonton's, Pakkun's, and his own.

Pakkun stared at the food in front of him. "I'm not eating this." He said and glanced at Tonton, who was cheerfully eating away at her plate.

Kakashi looked offended. "Why not?"

"Because you could've put poison in this. Besides, I only eat Kibbles n' Bits."

Kakashi gave him a dry look. "Now, Pakkun, would I _ever_ try to poison your food?" He asked, innocently. "And look, Tonton's eating it. Nothing's happened to her."

Pakkun eyed Kakashi. "So is Tonton your new best friend? I see how easily I can be replaced." Pakkun sniffed.

Tonton frowned at Pakkun.

"What? Are you having an _affair_ with Kakashi or something?" Pakkun asked. "Kurenai wouldn't give him _any_, so he resorted to _raping_ a pig!" Pakkun rolled over on his back, laughing his ass off.

Kakashi ignored his crazy dog's allegations and started eating.

Pakkun finally started eating, still being cautious in case of poison.

5 minutes later…

Naruto barged into Kakashi's house. That wasn't anything new.

"Come quick, Kakashi-sensei! Kurenai-chan's wrecking Tsunade-sama's office and she beat up the six jounins that tried to stop her!" Naruto yelled.

Kakashi pulled his mask up and started for the door. "Oh, and could you clean up the dishes, Naruto?" He left out, followed by Tonton and Pakkun.

Naruto sweatdropped. "But I didn't even eat anything…" He muttered.


	17. The Injured Genitals

Chapter 17- The Injured Genitals

Tsunade was doing quiet a good job at keeping her cool. About twenty jounins had finally managed to hold her back.

"Tsunade, you—"

"Kurenai-chan?" Kakashi walked into the room casually even though he had ran his ass off to get here. "What's going on?"

"Your girlfriend wants to kick Tsunade's ass." Shizune said, picking up Tonton. "You might want to take her home." She suggested.

Kakashi looked at Tsunade. "You told her about it, huh?" He sighed, and took Kurenai's hand. "Look, I made miso soup back at my place. Since your _meeting_ with Tsunade is over, how would you like to get a plate?"

"He put poison in it! I saw him!" Pakkun yelled.

Kakashi remembered how well his hug worked earlier at the Academy, and so he tried his luck again. He slipped his arms around her and gave her the tightest hug he could without breaking her back.

He seemed to have calmed her down, which made the twenty jounins happy since they wouldn't have to hold her back and endure her screaming.

Kurenai hugged Kakashi back. "Did you say you made miso soup?" She asked over his shoulder.

"Yep."

Pakkun shook his head. "It was disgusting, Kurenai-chan. I saw him piss in it." Pakkun lied.

Kakashi glared at Pakkun, but turned his attention back to Kurenai. "Why don't you let Pakkun walk you to my place, and I clear some things up with the _Hokage_."

"Fine, but don't take too long." She said, as Pakkun lead her out of the room.

"You know, you're really sexy when you're not around _bozo_." Pakkun told her.

Kakashi made a mental note to kill Pakkun when he got home. He went over to Tsunade's desk and slapped his hand down on it, nearly cracking the desk. "What the hell are you doing, Tsunade? Are you trying to ruin my life!"

"No, not your life, your _love_ life. What you do besides seeing Kurenai is beyond my control." She answered.

Kakashi frowned. (But he still looked hot) "I don't care what you say, I'm going to marry her whether you like it or not, you hear me? You're the Hokage, not God."

Tsunade sighed. "That's fine, but I hate to do this to you." She stood up, came from behind her desk, and grabbed Kakashi's part. "Damn…that's quiet a big _thing_ you got there…I'd hate to _rip_ it off." She yanked it, making him wince.

She yanked it harder, this time, making him squeal.

"Okay, okay, I _won't_ propose! Just let go of my _stuff_!"

He yelled it so loud, the entire village could have heard. No doubt there would be gossip tomorrow morning.

Tsunade let go and Kakashi grabbed his stuff and knelt down. "Damn, that hurt…." He looked up at Tsunade as if he were about to cry. "You're _cruel_, Tsunade-sama. "

"Not all of the time." She retorted as she sat back down behind her desk.

Kakashi waited until his stuff wasn't sore before he got up. It still hurt, so he kept one hand over it. "Like I said, I won't marry Kurenai-chan." He limped towards the door. "Until I'm good and damn ready!" He said as he limped/ran out of the room in fear of being chased and having his private place tortured.

Kakashi ran/limped as fast he could to his house. He beat Kurenai and Pakkun by a split second.

He looked at his kitchen and noticed Naruto with a full belly and an empty pot.

"Don't tell me, Naruto, you ate _all_ of the soup…right?" He asked.

Naruto burped. "Yeah, but I'll do the dishes, sensei." He grinned.

Kakashi walked towards his bedroom. "I'm going to go lay down…"

Kurenai walked into his house, and Pakkun filed in as well. Kurenai noticed Kakashi's limp. She also noticed how oddly he was running down the street.

"Kaka-kun, are you alright?" _Dumb question she thought. Does he look alright?_

"No, my thing almost got ripped off." He called from his room.

Her eyes widened. "Oh…you poor thing. I'll give it a _massage_ if it'll make it feel better."

"That's okay; I don't need a massage…" He said. His voice was partly muffled from him talking to into his pillow.

Pakkun looked up at Kurenai. "What, you actually _want_ to touch his thing?"

"Well…kind of. Anyway, what did she say to you, Kakashi?"

"The same thing she's been saying. She doesn't want me to marry you, and if I do, my most prized possession gets torn off." Kakashi sighed. "I told her I'd marry you when I was good and damn well ready, then I took off running. You know how _hard_ it is to run after your crotch has just been pulled? I think she pulled a groin muscle…"

"Oh, Kakashi, you poor thing…" Kurenai made a beeline towards his bedroom.

Pakkun scoffed. "'Oh Kakashi, you poor thing'," He was shaking his head. "He's not a poor thing. He's a crazy, sex driven—"

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei! Pakkun's saying bad stuff about you!" Naruto yelled from the kitchen.

"That's nothing new, Naruto." Kakashi called from his room.

Pakkun glared daggers at Naruto, and chased him around the kitchen trying to bite him.

Kurenai sat down on the bed beside Kakashi. "What are we going to do, Kaka-kun?" She asked.

He shrugged. "I don't know, Kurenai-chan. We'll get married anyway."

"And so Tsunade can rip your crotch off! I don't think so."

"Yeah, I don't want that happening either, but…I know how important marriage is to you, and I know how much you want to rape me, and I know we can't do anything until we get married, but…" He sighed. "I think we'll have to leave Konoha, get married, and then come back." He suggested. It was the only idea that came to him at the time.

Kurenai nodded. "That would work, but what about when we come back and she finds out?" Kurenai asked.

"We could issue a restraining order."

"Yeah, but she's the Hokage, she can revoke the restraining order.

That left Kurenai fresh out of ideas. "Well, I don't know. Whenever you're ready, I'll say yes and we can get it over with." She told him.

"That's great, but can we wait until my balls stop throbbing?"


	18. The Surgery

(((((((Well, I updated so you can't kill me, EvilFuzzy9))))))))

Chapter 18- The Surgery

After twenty minutes of nut racking pain, Kurenai hauled Kakashi to the hospital. Being as concerned for his sensei's health as possible, Naruto went with them. Pakkun didn't want to be left home alone, so he went with too.

They checked him in, and sat down with Kakashi in the waiting room.

It would have been quiet, but Kakashi kept moaning. "Oh, it hurts…." He kept saying. "It hurts…" He had his head in Kurenai's lap and she was rubbing his head.

"You'll be okay, Kaka-kun."

Pakkun looked at them both and sighed. "He's just doing it for attention." He muttered.

Naruto got in Pakkun's face. "My sensei is in _pain_ here, and all you can say is he's _faking_ it?"

Pakkun nodded. "Yep, he seems a little _overdramatic_ to me."

"It _hurts_, Kurenai-chan…I think I pulled a muscle in it…." Kakashi fake sniffed. "It _hurts_, Kurenai-chan…" He sniffed again.

"It's okay, Kakashi. If she did make you pull a groin muscle, we'll press charges, okay, Kaka-kun?" She assured him.

Kakashi nodded and sniffed again. "It hurts…"

Finally, the doctor came in the waiting room and sighed. "Kakashi Hatake."

Kakashi didn't move. "Are they going to see me naked?" He asked Kurenai.

"I'm afraid so." She answered.

"Are they going to stick needles around my crotch?"

Kurenai wanted to laugh. It was funny how he said it. He reminded her of a little kid that didn't want to go to the doctor. "Yes, they're going to stick needles by your crotch, but I'm sure they'll put you to sleep first." She got his head out of her lap and with Naruto's help, dragged him down the hall with the doctor.

"Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asked as she noticed them. She ran over to them. "Holy cow, what happened to Kakashi-sensei!"

"He…we think he pulled his groin." Naruto said.

"Whoa! Poor sensei!" Sakura gasped. "I have patients to get to, but I hope you feel better, Kakashi-sensei!" She ran off back down the hall.

"Uh…" Kakashi muttered as he was dragged into the examining room.

They put him on the table and Naruto left. Pakkun wanted to stay so he could throw a few wisecracks at his ailing owner.

Kurenai stayed because she was concerned. If your boyfriend had pulled a groin muscle, you'd be in there too, right?

The doctor wrote something down on the clipboard and sat it down on a stool. "Okay, Mr. Hatake, it says you have an injured private part, huh?"

"Uh…" Kakashi muttered.

"You're going to have to take your pants off. Boxers too." The doc said.

Kakashi sighed. "Do I _have_ to?"

"I'm afraid so."

Unwillingly, Kakashi took his pants and boxers off, exposing his most _award-winning_ possession.

"Oh, God, it's the end of the world!" Pakkun screamed as he looked the other way.

Kurenai shot him an aggravated look and turned her attention back to Kakashi. "You'll be fine, Kaka-kun." She told him.

The doctor put on gloves and gave Kakashi's injured stuff a look. "Hmm, I'm afraid you have in fact pulled your groin muscle. You have a Grade II Groin Stain from the looks of it. You'll need surgery to fix the tear."

Kakashi shook his head. "No…no…"

"Do you want it fixed?" The doctor asked.

"Yes." Kakashi sniffed.

"Alright then. After surgery, you'll need to take it easy. That means no sex, hardly any walking, except to the bathroom, and then absolutely no running."

Kakashi nodded. "They're going to kill me…" He muttered to Kurenai.

"No they won't. I won't let them." She assured him.

"We'd like to get the surgery done right away. And there's no women or dogs allowed in the operating room, unless their doctors." The doctor told them.

Kurenai nodded and Pakkun just wagged his tail. "Be careful, though; make sure you don't cut his private off. Kurenai-chan, she'll be disappointed, but I got something that'll make up for it…"

Kurenai scowled. "Why would I sleep with you, when I'm going to marry the greatest jounin in the world?"

Kakashi grabbed Kurenai's hand. "Don't let them kill me…they're going to cut my family jewels off…"

"No, they won't, Kakashi. We're at the _hospital_." Kurenai guaranteed him. She gave him a hug. "I'll see you after they're done operating." She left the room with Pakkun.

The doctor sighed. "We're not going to cut your nuts off, Mr. Hatake; all we're going to do is fix the tear that occurred when your groin muscle was pulled." He explained.

"…"

He put a sheet over Kakashi's stuff and wheeled the bed out of the room and down the hall to the operating room.

Naruto, Kurenai and Pakkun followed the doctor to the door and waited.

"Is Kakashi-sensei gonna be okay?" Naruto asked.

Kurenai nodded. "I hope so."

Some more doctors went into the room and they waited.

Naruto began pacing up and down the hall, Pakkun went to sleep and Kurenai tried to relax.

"Aaaahhhhhh!"

The loud yell made her sit up instantly. "Oh my goodness, what are the doing to him?"

"We're coming, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto said, about to bust the door down, but was stopped by Kurenai.

"We can't, Naruto."

"They're sticking me with a needle!" Kakashi screamed. "Wait, wait! I'm not asleep yet! Owww!"

Naruto shook his head. "I feel bad for Kakashi-sensei. It sounds like they're trying to kill him."

Pakkun sighed. "Even I'm starting to feel sorry for him."

Kurenai nodded. "And we only have one person to blame for thins." She said, referring to Tsunade.

Naruto sighed. "Everytime I talk to old lady Tsunade, she tells me to mind my own business."

"Too bad she doesn't take her own advice." Kurenai muttered.

"Ah, come on, hot stuff, why can't two beautiful women like you and Tsunade get along?" Pakkun asked. It was a bad omen to flirt with your best friend's girlfriend, but Pakkun was a dog and thought that it didn't apply to him. "If Kakashi has to get his nuts removed—"

"Forget it, Pakkun. "

"Kakashi slept with Tonton, you know." He said as if he were telling her a secret.

Kurenai shook her head. "Pakkun, give up. Kakashi wouldn't sleep with a pig; he's too sexy to be that desperate."

Pakkun scoffed. "What makes him so attractive?"

"For one thing, he's a _human _and he's hot and sweet, caring, honest…well, most of the time, and he's always funny. He's also considerate." She mused.

"I'm all of that too, you know."

"You _are_ straightforward, I'll give you that." Kurenai sighed. She was being hit on by a dog for goodness sakes.

2 Hours Later…

The doctors came out of the room. There were three female doctors who came out with nosebleeds.

"We should rape him while he's still asleep." One of them joked.

The male doctor had pulled his mask off and sighed. "Man, that guy was…" He shook his head. "I'm _not_ gay or anything, but that guy had a big thing…It was hard operating on him cause we thought he would knock one of the nurses out with it."

Kurenai breathed a sigh of relief. When a doctor came out of an operating room making jokes, the surgery was usually a success. "Will he be okay?" She asked.

"He'll be fine. You can go in if you want. He'll make a full recovery in a few days."

Naruto jumped in the air. "Yay! Kakashi-sensei's gonna be okay!"

Pakkun sighed. "Good, so I can go in and make fun of him."

They ran into the operating room to see Kakashi aiming his stuff to the side and pissing on the floor.

"Kakashi!" Kurenai exclaimed. That was the _last_ sight she was expecting to see.

He looked at her with an innocent face. "What? It had to come out sooner or later."

Pakkun and Naruto had raced out of the door and you could hear barfing sounds outside.

"You wouldn't happen to have hand sanitizer would you?" Kakashi asked Kurenai.

Kurenai walked over to him, careful of the piss on the floor and the pools of blood from nosebleeds.

"How is…_it_ feeling?" She asked him, trying not to look.

"I can't feel it. I know it's there because I just peed, but…I can't feel it... it's numb." He said.

She gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Can you feel that?"

He blushed.

"I'm not even going to ask about that blood on the floor."

"I can promise you it isn't mine. There were nurses in here and they…saw me naked." He said.

"I could tell by the look on their faces that they _liked_ what they saw." She continued to resist the urge to look herself. "Anyway, the doctor said you'll be fine."

Kakashi smiled. "That's great."

"Isn't this…awkward for you?"

"What? Being here completely naked with you in the room?" He asked. "You've already seen me naked at the spa, remember? That time was pretty awkward."

"Hey, Kurenai-chan! Can you cover up Kakashi-sensei so I can come in?" Naruto asked from the doorway. "Please?"

Kurenai looked around for a blanket or something. "Sorry, Naruto, one those horny nurses ran off sand took the blanket with her."

Naruto sighed. "Well, I'm comin' in anyway, okay?" He went inside, careful of the blood puddles.

"Get out of here you pervy pub!" A nurse hurled Pakkun at Naruto.

He hit Naruto in the back, making him fall directly in the piss. It splashed, making Kurenai jump back to avoid getting piss on herself.

Kakashi sweatdropped. "Uh…sorry, Naruto."

"Gross! I'm in sensei's piss!" Naruto jumped and got out of it.

Pakkun shook himself off like most dogs do when they're wet. "Really, Kakashi, was peeing on the floor really necessary?" He asked dryly.

"Either that or pee on myself."

Kurenai laughed. "This room stinks; I hope they move you, soon."

"If I charm the nurses enough, they'll move me." Kakashi smiled.


	19. Substitute Teacher

Chapter 19- Substitute Teacher

The Next day, Asuma woke Kurenai up from a wonderful nap at 5:30 in the morning.

She came to the door in a bathrobe and very sleepy, but still pretty, face. "Asuma?"

"Hey, sorry to wake you up so early, but Tsunade-sama wanted me to tell you you have to teach Iruka's class today, since Kakashi's…you know." He explained.

"Yeah, I know…but teach the class? I can't do that." She complained.

Asuma put his hand on her shoulder. "Listen, all you have to do is show up, take the roll, give 'em lots of work to do and then take a nap."

"It's that what you used to do?"

"No, that's what my teacher used to do to us."

At 6:00 and The Class Starts…

Kurenai was face to face with 13 students. She'd do anything to run back home and go to sleep, but Iruka was gone on vacation, and Kakashi was recovering from surgery.

It struck her as odd that the students were all quiet.

"Hey…class."

"Hi, Kurenai-chan." They all said in unison.

Okay, something was definitely wrong. She'd never known kids to be so polite.

"Miss Kurenai-chan, where's Kakashi-san?" One kid asked.

"The hospital, he'll be out in a few days."

"Are you and him gonna get married?"

"Maybe."

"What are you going to name your kids?"

"…I don't know yet, we haven't thought that far ahead."

"You're pretty, Kurenai-chan."

"…Thanks."

"Can we going on a field trip to visit Kakashi-san?"

"No, we can't, unfortunately. I have to stay here and teach you all."

"What are you going to teach us?"

"I don't know, what was Kakashi teaching you?"

"How to be responsible adult ninja. Can you teach us about you and Kakashi?"

She knew that was coming. "I…guess. What do you want to know?"

"What you and Kakashi-san do when you're at home alone?"

"We talk…sometimes eat."

"Do you do that thing you adults call _sex_?"

"No, we're not married yet."

"Oh. Does Kakashi-san like little kids?"

"I don't think so."

"What do you like to eat?"

"I don't have a particular preference, but I don't mind ramen, vegetables and fruit."

"Will you be my girlfriend?"

"No, I'm already Kakashi's girlfriend."

"How about _leaving_ him for me?"

"You're and _eight_ year old."

"What? Eight year olds can't have girlfriends?"

"You're _eight_ and I'm _thirty-one_ and perfectly content with the greatest jounin in Konoha. Why would I jeopardize that for an eight year old?"

The kid shrugged. "Maybe because I'm better looking than Kakashi."

Kurenai shook her head. The kid had guts asking out an adult like that. "I _don't_ believe _anyone_ is better looking that Kakashi."

"Me neither." A 10 year old girl said. "Kakashi-san is so cool! Have you seen him with no shirt on?"

Kurenai blushed. "Well…three times."

"What did it look like!" All the girls in the class exclaimed.

"It…looked _nice_."

"Was it muscular?"

"Pretty much."

"Does he have a six pack?"

"Yeah."

"Is his belly button attractive?"

"In an odd and unusual sort of way, yes."

"How big are his biceps?"

"Big enough."

"Does he have calluses?"

"No."

"Does he smoke?"

"No."

"Why is his hair silver?"

"Because…he inherited it from his father."

"What's he like when you're around him?"

"Sweet and funny."

"Does he tell you he loves you?"

"…Sometimes."

"Why not all the time?"

"Because he doesn't have to."

"Do you have a sister?"

"No."

The bell rang for class to be dismissed, but nobody moved.

"Can we stay here and ask you more questions?" The entire class asked.

Kurenai sweatdropped. "No, I'm afraid not…"

"Why? You don't have any paperwork to do."

Kurenai sighed. There was no escaping it.

The Hospital…

Kakashi was lying in the bed, having a awful urge to get you, go to the Hokage's Tower and kick Tsunade-sama's ass.

_That's not going to happen anytime soon_… He thought.

Pakkun was sitting in a chair, holding a pretty uneventful conversation with his owner.

Pakkun sighed. "Hey, 'Kash, why do you look so sad? _Besides_ the fact that your nuts hurt."

"Have you ever fell in love with someone, but couldn't propose to her?" He asked.

Pakkun stared at him as if he were crazy. "Uh, Kakashi…I'm a _dog_, besides, us dogs _don't_ propose remember?"

"I know, I know, I'm still a little messed up from that pain medication."

"You ain't lying about that." Pakkun said, grating Kakashi's nerves. "Anyway, where do you think Miss Kurenai-chan is?"

Kakashi shrugged.

"_Cheating_ on you with Asuma." Pakkun said in a gloomy voice.

"She _isn'_t cheating on me, Pakkun."

"How do _you_ know that?"

"Because she knows I'm the best Konoha has to offer." He bragged.

Pakkun sighed. "That's the _medication_ talking."

"Pakkun, sometimes I wish you were a Human so I could beat your ass." Kakashi said a slight smile on his face.

Pakkun vacated the chair and hopped on Kakashi's stomach. "You know you're my best friend right?"

"I know."

"Best friends don't beat each other up. By the way, I'm all out of Floral Green shampoo."

Kakashi chuckled. "You're crazy, you know that?"

"I know." Pakkun grinned.

Back At the Academy…

"Kurenai-chan, who is Kakashi-san's best friend?" A little girl asked.

"His dog, Pakkun."

"Kakashi-san has a dog? Can we see the doggie tomorrow? Please Kurenai-chan?" The entire class begged.

Kurenai sighed as they all gave her 'innocent little kid faces'. "Fine, I'll ask Kakashi if Pakkun can come to class tomorrow."

"Yay! You're an awesome teacher, Kurenai-chan!"

"Why? Because I don't teach or is it because I don't give you homework?"

The kids looked at each other. "Both."

Then, one kid finally said what Kurenai chan had been waiting to hear for several minutes. "We're going home now, okay?"

"Thank Go—I mean, have a god day."

"You, too, Kurenai-chan! Tell Kakashi-san we said get well soon!"

"Okay."

The kids left and Kurenai sighed and took a seat in he comfortable chair. She was nearly scared when Asuma walked in.

"Class finally dismissed, huh?" He asked cigarette in his mouth. "The bell rung 25 minutes ago."

"I know, but they were curious about Kakashi and me."

Asuma nodded. "I'll walk you home." He offered.

"No thanks, I'm going to the hospital to see if Kaka-kun is okay." She stood up.

"Okay, then, how about I walk you to the hospital?"

Kurenai shook her head. "That's nice, but I don't need you to walk me anywhere. I'm with Kakashi, remember? You'd better back off before I tell Kaka-kun you're harassing me."

Asuma put his hands up in defense. "No, don't tell _Kaka-kun_." He said sarcastically.

Kurenai left the room and started contemplating on whether to buy Kakashi a get well card or make one herself.


	20. Tsunade's True Intention

Chapter 20- Tsunade's True Intention

It had been only 20 minutes and Kakashi and Pakkun were having a nice, civil conversation.

"Next time you go to the Bar, bring me with you. I haven't had sake in months." Pakkun said.

A nurse came in with a food tray.

Pakkun sniffed the food and wagged his tail. "Is all that for _me_? You didn't have to, you know."

"It's for Kakashi-san." The nurse told him, pinching Pakkun's cheeks.

"He isn't hungry right now." Pakkun glanced at his best friend before eating the carrots.

"That's not true, I _am_ hungry. Besides, Pakkun, _I'm _the patient here."

The nurse picked the little pug up. "Don't worry, little doggie, I'm sure you'll find something you like in the cafeteria." She smiled warmly at Kakashi before taking Pakkun out of the room.

As she left, Kurenai came in.

Kakashi was eyeing his food with a passion until he noticed Kurenai was there. "Yo."

She gave him the biggest hug she possibly could and smiled at him. "_Yo_," She replied back to him. "How are you feeling, Kaka-kun?"

"I feel like one of my nuts was ripped off, but other than that, I'm fine." He said, with a surprisingly content face.

"Your _students_ said hi." She informed him. "I had to fill in for you and they would _not_ stop asking questions. They even stayed 25 minutes after the bell rang."

"Oh really? What kind of questions did they ask?"

"Mainly about you and me…one student wanted to know what you looked like without a shirt."

Kakashi laughed. "Aw, that's sweet."

"They also said get well soon."

"Do they bother you? You can always send them to detention, you know."

Kurenai shook her head. "Not really. They want to see to see Pakkun tomorrow."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah. They wanted to see 'Kakashi-san's best friend.'" She looked at his food tray. "Are you going to eat that?"

"Yeah, you wanna feed me?" He teased.

The Hokage's Office…

Naruto had been at it for hours.

"Tsunade-sama, please! Kakashi-sensei and Kurenai-chan want to get married so they can have sex! Kakashi-sensei's getting tired of waiting!"

Tsunade sighed. "No, Naruto, they can't get married."

"Why not? It's _their_ life, why can't Kakashi-sensei be happy with Kurenai-chan!" Naruto asked impatiently. "I wanna see what their kids are gonna look like!"

Again, Tsunade sighed. "Fine, Naruto, fine. You won't quit bothering me about it…tell Kakashi he _can_ marry her."

"Yeah!" Naruto exclaimed and pumped his fist up in the air. "…But…why did you want to keep them from getting married, anyway? The _real_ reason."

Tsunade sighed. "If you want to know the truth, I was planning to save up 8,689 yen to pay for their wedding, but that damn Kakashi is so damn hasty."

Naruto smiled. "I knew you weren't just an old dried up heartless hag after all! Can I tell Kakashi-sensei you were just trying to save up enough money to pay for his wedding? It was generous of you, old granny."

"No, don't tell him that, it'll make me seem _too_ nice."

Naruto was so overjoyed that he ran out of the room and on his way to tell his sensei the good news.

Tsunade sighed and watched him go. "I still have 1,892 more yen to save up." She muttered.

"It was a nice try, Tsunade-sama. Besides, Kakashi-san shouldn't be too broke that he can't afford to pay for his own wedding." Shizune said.

"I don't know about that. Between paying for his hospital bill and his wedding ring, he might have to take up a night job stripping." Tsunade said, the mere thought of Kakashi being a male stripper was appealing to her more and more, but he was taken and he probably wouldn't strip anyway. She sighed. "Well, I could always fantasize…"


	21. Kakashi's Hospital Troubles

Chapter 21- Kakashi's Hospital Troubles

Kurenai and Kakashi were in the middle of a passionate lip lock when Naruto runs in screaming.

"Good news, Kakashi-sensei! Good news!" He eagerly looked from Kakashi to Kurenai. "Tsunade-sama said you two can get married!"

"Don't joke like that, Naruto." Kakashi sighed.

"I told you I'd talk to Tsunade-sama and make her change her mind! I finally bothered her enough and she changed her mind!"

Kakashi grinned. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah! Dead serious!" Naruto hugged his sensei so hard, you could hear ribs cracking.

"Ow, okay, Naruto, don't hug so hard, you're cracking my ribs." Kakashi said, attempting to make Naruto loosen his grip. He looked up at Kurenai, who looked completely flabbergasted. "Are you still alive, Kurenai-chan?"

Naruto immediately let go of Kakashi and bear hugged Kurenai. "Aren't you happy, Kurenai-chan!" He asked excitedly.

"Yes…I'm happy, Naruto…just _surprised_. Whatever you said to Tsunade…thank you." She hugged Naruto back.

That reminded Kakashi he had a ring in his pocket that was waiting to go on _someone's_ finger. He could propose now, or he could wait a few months until _someone's_ birthday.

"Isn't it wonderful, Kaka-kun!" Kurenai was asking him. She noticed he was staring at nothing. "Earth to Kakashi, are you still there?"

He realized she was talking to him and smiled. "Huh?"

"Isn't it wonderful? Whenever you're ready, you can propose and we can get married." She said.

Kakashi laughed forcefully, and scratched his head. "Yep…that's great."

"What's great?" Pakkun had just walked in with a full belly and his tail wagging.

"Hey, Pakkun! I can get married now." Kakashi told him.

"About time, I thought I was going to have to march down to the Hokage's Tower and _bite_ her." Pakkun muttered.

"Kurenai-chan says the kids at the Academy want to meet you."

Pakkun sighed. "What am I, a celebrity? I think they're mistaking me for Shiloh."

"No they're not." Kurenai assured him.

"Okay, Miss Kurenai, but I want some Floral Green shampoo."

"Okay." She agreed.

Pakkun somehow noticed some dango on Kakashi's food tray. The good sweet dumplings that Kakashi didn't like because they were too "sweet".

He immediately jumped on Kakashi, and then on the food tray.

"Just _one_, Pakkun." Kurenai told him. "We don't want you getting _fat_."

Pakkun looked offended. "Fat?" He looked at his stomach. "I'm not fat, am I? Dog ninja's can't be fat…" He reluctantly backed away from the dango and made himself comfortable on Kakashi's stomach.

Naruto patted Pakkun on the head. "I wanna be the maid of honor at Kakashi-sensei's wedding."

Pakkun and Kurenai sweatdropped.

"_Maid of honor_…? Don't you mean, _best man_?" Kurenai corrected him.

"Really? What's the difference?" Naruto asked.

"The difference, Naruto?" Kurenai shook her head. Naruto was smart in some areas, and completely oblivious in others. "I'll tell you later…"

The Next Day….

Today was the day that Pakkun would be going to the Academy and seeing the students. It's not that he didn't want to, it just wasn't his thing. He was a "tracking expert", not a show and tell animal.

He walked into the class with a bone in his mouth. He was welcomed by a loud, "Hi, Pakkun-san!" The little pub nearly jumped. He wasn't expecting to receive such a _warm_ and loud welcome.

"Pakkun-_san_? I like the sound of that." He muttered as he jumped on the teacher's desk and set his bone down. He cleared his throat. "Ahem, I, one of the great ninja dogs, am Pakkun. I am Kakashi Hatake's best friend and I like eating. And _biting_."

"Whooooaa."

"Can you do any tricks?" Someone asked.

"Yes, I can _talk_, that's a trick, isn't it?"

"But can you do anything else?"

"I can, but I don't feel like doing anything right now. I'm hungry, tired, sleepy…"

"Can we pet you, Pakkun-san?"

"No, but you can _feed_ me. Sushi and eggplants in a bowl of Tempura would be nice."

"Are you married, Mr. Pakkun?"

"I'm a _dog_, no I'm not married. I'm sadly single and incredibly hungry."

"Are there any more dog nin?"

"Yes, but none are as cute and cuddly as me."

The Hokage's Office…

Tsunade sighed as she flipped through the pages of Konoha's Playgirl magazine.

"Tsunade-sama! We all love Kakashi to death, but we don't have to read porn like he does!" Shizune said.

Tsunade flipped another page of the magazine. "I know, but…"

Naruto came running into the room. "Hey old lady Tsunade! Guess what!"

"What, Naruto?"

"Guess!"

Tsunade sighed. "You somehow managed to get a girlfriend?"

"I've already got a girlfriend, Tsunade-sama, but I'm not talking about that! Keep guessing!"

"I give up, Naruto."

"Okay, you won't believe it!" Naruto exclaimed, nearly making Tsunade's eardrums explode. "Jiraiya is coming to me and Hinata's wedding!"

Tsunade sweatdropped. "I thought you said I wasn't going to believe it….Anyway, that's great, Naruto, good luck with that…" Just for the Hell, she decided to ask, "When are you getting married?"

"Whenever Kakashi-sensei and Kurenai-chan get married."

"And when will that be?"

Naruto shrugged. "I don't know and neither does Kakashi-sensei. I don't think he's proposed yet."

"Aww, that's sweet. You're getting married on the same day as Kakashi-san." Shizune cooed.

"Hey, Shizune, you wanna come to my wedding with old granny and Tonton!" Naruto asked excitedly.

"Sure."

Tsunade was happy. Naruto was growing up. Next thing you know, he'll be asking her how to mix baby formula.

Back At the Academy…

"Mr. Pakkun! Mr. Pakkun! How did you become Kakashi-san's best friend in the whole wide world?" A kid asked.

"Well, it's a long story…"

"It's okay; we've got 3 more hours of school left."

Pakkun sweatdropped. "It all started…"

He explained it all to the kids and took a whole hour and a half.

The Hospital…

Kakashi woke up and sighed. It had been two days since he had first been admitted to the hospital. Every four hours, the nursed walked in, made "goo goo" eyes at him, and then gave him medication. _Grape_ flavored medication.

A nurse was in his room now, making him take his pill.

"Hey, nurse, when do you think I'll be able to get out of here?" He asked, hoping she'd say soon.

"It depends. How are you feeling, Mr. Kakashi?"

"Uh…I don't know, you keep giving me painkillers every four hours." He said, with a smile. "That gash beside my crotch doesn't hurt much. Am I permitted to walk yet?"

"No, you have one more day before--"

Kakashi hopped off the bed and walked around.

The nurse watched.

"Hmm?" Kakashi looked down and notice all he had on were his boxers with Pakkun's face all over it. He blushed sheepishly. "Hehehe, sorry, nurse-chan."

The nurse just stood there with a nosebleed.

"Com on, nurse, _breathe_." He said as he grabbed hold of her shoulders. "Oh no…"

The nurse was in a dream-like state as she muttered, "Kakashi-san…_touched _me…Kakashi-san's in his boxers…."

Kakashi sighed. "Look, nurse, I'm going to have to knock you out and dump you in the laundry, okay?" He grinned at her. "Please understand."

The nurse's nosebleed escalated when he grinned. "So…_white_…"

Kakashi stared at her with his sharingan until she passed out. He hauled her over his shoulder and found the nearest laundry cart. "Let's not make a habit of this." He said as he lugged her into the cart.

Luckily, no one was around except some male guards, and they completely understood. Sometimes women that saw too much needed to be… dealt with.

Kakashi snuck his way back into his room without being noticed by nurses. He didn't limp. Which meant he was healing properly.

He had accidentally dropped his pills on the floor and he got off the bed, bent over and tried to get it up. He was having trouble and his fingers were clumsy.

Unfortunately for Mr. Hatake, his nicely developed ass was facing the doorway.

"Oh my gosh, Kakashi-san's _ass_! It's…it's…bigger than _mine_!" A nurse screamed.

Kakashi looked at her, still bent over. "My ass? But…I've got on boxers." He muttered. "Anyway, nurse, I'm kind of having trouble picking this pill up. If you would be so kind as to—"

Before he could say anymore, the nurse (not the same one he had dumped in the laundry cart) picked up the pill for him, and was thoroughly groping his ass with the other hand.

"Thanks…uh…nurse, but could you please stop? Kurenai-chan-chan wouldn't like—"

The nurse gasped. "K-Kurenai-chan." She immediately stopped touching him and handed him his pill.

"Thanks." He popped it in his mouth and washed it down with a cup of water. He noticed the nurse was attempting to look away, but found her staring at his chest. He sighed. "Why do I have this problem with every single nurse?"

Even though it was a rhetorical question, the nurse attempted to answer. "Because…you're…"

"Quit harassing, Kakashi-sensei before he files a complaint!" Sakura yelled from the hallway.

The nurse blushed. "I'm sorry, Kakashi-san, I didn't mean to…harass…you, it's just…you're so sexy and hot and you don't' have your mask on and you well…you're in your boxers…"

Kakashi laughed. "Don't worry; I won't have you killed. All you did was grab my ass. Two years ago, a nurse tried to _rape_ me."

"I don't blame her." The nurse said.

Kakashi laughed again, this time more forcefully. "Um…Sakura…get her…_please_."

Sakura sighed. "Dangit, sensei, this is the 2nd time today! I'll have to have a talk with those nurses." She said as she escorted the nurse out of the room. "Pretty soon, I'm going to start charging you for this."

Kakashi laughed. "That's fine." He sat back on his bed and sighed. "Thank God that's over. At least for another four hours."


	22. The Cancellation of Icha Icha Paradise

Chapter 22- The Cancellation of Icha Icha Paradise

Not long after the whole nurse ordeal, Kurenai and Pakkun came in with exhausted looks on their faces.

"Yo!" Kakashi waved.

"Hey, I'm incredibly tired, how are you, Kaka-kun?" Kurenai asked as she very despairingly gave Kakashi a hug. "Those children just kept asking questions after questions.

"Ah, it's okay, Kurenai-chan, they were just curious, that's all."

"Curious? Try _nosy_."

Pakkun jumped on Kakashi and lay down exhausted. "They asked me five million questions in six hours."

"But you got through it, right? And Iruka'll be back pretty soon."

Kurenai sighed. "I guess so, but more importantly, how are you?"

Kakashi smiled. "Well, I was walking today."

"Did it hurt?"

"Nope, hopefully, they'll admit me out of here soon."

"Yeah, hurry up and get well so Kurenai-chan and I won't have to substitute anymore." Pakkun said with a smile on his face.

"I'll try." He grinned at Kurenai. "You know, Kurenai, the nurses say my _thing's_ gotten 3 inches _bigger_." He teased.

Kurenai's eyes were as big as widescreen televisions. "Kakashi, are you _serious_?"

Kakashi laughed at her expression. "Actually, once I get out of here, we could all go to the spa and I'll let you see for yourself." He said in his seductive voice.

Pakkun sweatdropped. "Kakashi, you are so lame."

Kurenai blushed. "That…sounds good to me, Kakashi-kun."

"And women are taken in by that?" Pakkun shook his head. "Exactly why us _dogs_ are _smarter_."

"Kaka-kun is _not_ lame, Pakkun, you're just jealous."

Pakkun sighed. "Maybe I am…but anyway how would you get into the male part of the spa?"

Kurenai smiled subtly. "Exactly how I did last time."

That prompted Kakashi to think back three months ago to that crazy day when Anko and Kurenai snuck into the men's hot springs and both kept staring at his "private place".

Pakkun sighed. "You two might as well get _married_ at the damn hot springs."

Kakashi rubbed his chin. "That's not a bad idea."

"And if you're going to do that, you might as well have _sex_ in the hot springs." Pakkun suggested.

"That's not a bad idea, either."

"Not to mention having _dinner_ there too….and Kurenai-chan could even have babies—"

Kurenai covered Pakkun's mouth. "That's enough, please."

Kakashi scratched his head. "Well…you have to admit, Kurenai-chan, you having our kids in the hot springs don't sound so bad."

"Kakashi, they'd drown." Kurenai said, stifling a laugh at Pakkun's silly analysis.

"Not if you get them out quick enough." He kidded.

"At least I know you're joking." Kurenai sighed.

Kakashi laughed. "Luckily, I was joking. But having sex in the hot springs doesn't sound so bad…"

"Kakashi!" Kurenai blushed.

"What? At least we wouldn't get cold. And when you get pregnant, you could always get in the hot springs to take away the morning sickness." Kakashi suggested.

Kurenai gave him an odd look.

"It's the medication." Pakkun whispered to her.

In Tsunade's Office…

"And that's exactly where _you_ come in. This is a super top S ranked mission and only a man who isn't…perverted could ever complete it. I would've asked a woman to do it, but most of them are on vacation." Tsunade kept staring at the ANBU member in front of her. "Oh and by the way, get _laid_."

The guy scratched his head. "I understood the mission, but…get laid…? I'm…well…."

Tsunade slapped him on the ass. "Sorry, but it was just so round…"

The guy sweatdropped. "If I groped your breasts, Tsunade-sama, I would be pummeled right now."

Tsunade grinned. "I'm sure you understand, Tenzo."

"Please, call me _Yamato_." He insisted.

Shizune watched as Yamato nervously left the room.

"Tsunade-sama do you always have to scare away the good looking jounin and ANBU members?" Shizune asked with a smile.

Tsunade laughed. "Yep." She opened the issue of Playgirl magazine and looked at the …_interesting_ photos. "Damn, I wish Yamato, Kakashi, Iruka, Kotetsu, Genma, and Kamizuki were in these. I wonder what they look like without their shirts on…" Tsunade pondered.

"Tsunade!" Shizune screamed. "Are you mad!"

Tsunade cast her a sharp glance. "Shhh! So what? I'm a closet pervert!"

Yamato went into the adult bookstore that sold Icha Icha Paradise novels and sighed. He was by no means a pervert, but he thought Tsunade went a little overboard with this whole "super S ranked mission". She had basically wanted him to get rid of every Icha Icha Paradise novel in every bookstore in Konoha.

He was apart of ANBU and was used to top secret missions, but this was just crazy. It was a real example of how scarce real missions were since Orochimaru and Akatsuki had been defeated.

He had three black trash bags with him and started dumping piles and piles of Icha Icha Paradise novels in the bags.

"What the heck are you doing, sir?" The shopkeeper asked. "You can't do that, sir!"

Yamato sighed. "Well, I hate to say, but Tsunade-sama sent me on a mission to get rid of all Jiraiya disgusting novels. Sorry man, it's ANBU business."

"What's your name?" The shopkeeper asked.

"Yamato." He said as he continued to throw the novels in the bag.

The old shopkeeper sighed. "Well, I guess if you were sent by the Hokage, then there's really nothing I can do."

"Don't worry, it's not just your bookstore I'm ransacking, I have to go to _every_ bookstore."

The shopkeeper sighed. "You poor man. Do you read the novels like Kakashi-san?"

Yamato shook his head. "Not really. I'm not into stuff like that."

Once that was wrapped up, Yamato went to the other bookstore and did the same thing.

(((JBL Note: For those of you who don't know who the Hell Yamato is…the only thing I could tell you to do is go to Wikipedia or read the manga and find out. He's kinda hard to explain.)))


	23. Rin's Return

Chapter 23- Rin's Return

Kakashi was eating the unsalted hospital food and tried to resist Kurenai's horny attempts to grope him. "C'mon, Kurenai, how am I going to eat with you feeling on me?"

There was a knock on the opened door.

"Hey, Kakashi-san, do you have a minute?" Yamato asked.

Kakashi grinned. "Oh, hey, Yamato! How's it going?" Kakashi asked. He hadn't seen Yamato since their days in ANBU together.

Yamato nodded. "Everything's fine, but I wanted to see you about something you might not be so happy about."

"And what's that?"

"Well," He took a step into the room. "Tsunade-sama sent me on a mission to find every Icha Icha Paradise novel in every Konoha bookstore and burn them."

Kakashi's eyes widened. He was planning to go back to the bookstore and secretly read his book. Even though Kurenai had demanded he sell his copy.

Thank God!" Kurenai exclaimed happily.

"Tsunade-sama sent you on a mission…for _that_?" Kakashi asked disappointedly.

Kurenai gave Kakashi a funny look. "You're in a _relationship_ now, Kaka-kun; I thought you didn't need your porn anymore."

Kakashi put his hands up in defense. "Oh no, I didn't mean it like _that_, Kurenai-chan, I meant it like…uh…"

"I know exactly how you meant it, Kaka-kun." Kurenai sighed. "But it's okay. I plan on reading Anko's version."

Kakashi looked at her like she was a hypocrite. "Hey! But…you said—"

"_I'm_ reading Anko's version because she's a friend and she _asked_ me to. _You_ read Icha Icha Paradise because you're a _pervert_." Kurenai rationalized. "But you're a lovable, sexy pervert."

Kakashi scratched his head and grinned. "Aww, Kurenai-chan..."

Yamato sweatdropped. Did they even know he was even there? Had they forgotten? In any case it was okay. He just wanted to tell Kakashi that if he ever wanted to read Icha Icha Paradise again, he'd have to go to another village.

As he started to leave, Kakashi called him. "Hey, Yamato, when I get out of here, Kurenai-chan, Pakkun, Naruto, and I are planning to go to the spa. You wanna come?"

"I guess."

Kakashi waved. "See you soon, Tenzo—I mean, Yamato."

Yamato nodded and left.

Then unexpectedly, Jiraiya came in. "Kakashi, I know what you're—" He stopped when he saw Kurenai. He shook his head. "What is _she_ doing?" He asked, obviously affronted.

"Kurenai-chan? She's my—"

"If you say girlfriend, I'm going to kill you! What happened to the _truce_ we made! We were going to be Konoha's sexiest _bachelors_!" Jiraiya screamed at Kakashi, who was smiling innocently the whole time.

"I'm really sorry, Jiraiya, but I kind of…fell in love and…"

"How can _you fall in love_, Kakashi! We perverts aren't supposed to fall in love with just _one_ person! Have you lost your mind? You've finally been tamed?

Kakashi just kept smiling. "Why? I can't be happy with Kurenai-chan?

Jiraiya gave him a you-know-why look. He cleared his throat. "Well, anyway, I came here to tell you something you might find interesting." He looked at Kurenai, this time, more seriously. "Would you please leave, it's between Kakashi-san and me."

She shook her head. "No, whatever you have to say to him, you can say it in front of me too."

Jiraiya sighed. Somehow, he knew she would say that. "Look, it's not about you and it's not about the fact that my Icha Icha series is no longer being sold in Konoha, it's about something Kakashi might not be comfortable discussing in front of you."

Kurenai glanced at Kakashi. "Do you want me to leave, Kaka-kun?" She asked.

He nodded. "If you wouldn't mind."

She kissed Kakashi, got up off of the bed and left the room, but not before giving Jiraiya a you'd-better-not-be-talking-about-anything-nasty look.

She closed the door behind her and Jiraiya took a sigh of relief. "How in the hell did you manage to end up with her? I thought you'd be with Ayame."

Kakashi nodded. "Yeah, well. How would I have told Ayame that I only loved her because she made good ramen?" He smiled. "But anyway, you had something you wanted to tell me?"

"There's a lady—uh—Rin, I think her name was, is looking for you. She says you two were childhood friends. She also seems to have a huge crush on you."

Kakashi frowned. "She's still alive? And she's back!"

"Yeah, she's looking for you, in fact."

"Damn," Kakashi looked at Jiraiya ruefully. "This is going to complicate things between Kurenai and me."

Jiraiya raised his eyebrows. "Oh? How so?"

"Well, for one thing, Rin used to have a major crush on me back when we were kids and by the way you're talking, she still does."

Jiraiya whistled. "Hmm, not a bad idea for an Icha Icha Paradise novel…maybe I'll call the next one, 'Icha Icha Paradise: Kakashi's in a Hell of A Lot of Trouble."

Kakashi managed a small smile. "Thanks, and I do want a percentage of your earnings for that."

Jiraiya nodded. "But…what are you going to do?"

"Set her up with Yamato." Kakashi suggested. Most women thought Yamato was just as sexy or sexier than himself.

Jiraiya shook his head. "Oh no, with the way she was looking…she even had on a shirt that read: 'I love Kakashi'."

Kakashi sighed. "Somehow…I'll have to let her down easy."

"I still don't think it'll be that easy, Kakashi, she seems like a very strong willed woman."

"Just like Kurenai," Kakashi added. "And two strong willed women in the same room together equal disaster."

"Kurenai won't be mad, it's not like you're cheating. You're not even in love with this Rin chick, right?" Jiraiya said, with a confident grin. Kakashi's delayed response made his confident smile turn upside down. "Kakashi, you really…"

Kakashi shook his head. "No, no, I don't like her like that…"

"You're having _reoccurring_ feelings, aren't you? Haven't you read my latest novel? When a woman from your past meets the woman currently occupying your life…it's an ill-fated disaster! We've got to do something!"

Kakashi sighed. "I know. Maybe Kurenai will understand, it isn't like Rin was my ex-girlfriend or something…it was a stupid one-sided relationship. She liked me and I didn't feel the same way."

"So do you like her now?" Jiraiya asked. "Be honest, Kakashi, Kurenai isn't here so you don't have to lie."

Kakashi sighed. "No, I love _Kurenai_." He insisted.

Jiraiya nodded doubtfully. "Okay, Kakashi. You say that now, but once you seen Rin in person, it'll feel like you're meeting for the first time and you'll be swept off you feet and then—"

"Come on, Jiraiya! Don't say that. We're supposed to be thinking about ways to avoid this!" Kakashi interrupted. He just hoped like hell Jiraiya would be wrong. "Is Kurenai still out there?" He asked.

Jiraiya opened the door and peeked out. "No, I think she went home or maybe she's off messing with Asuma."

Kakashi smirked. "She _wouldn't,_ Jiraiya, she isn't like that."

Jiraiya nearly choked. "Oh no! S-she's coming!" Jiraiya slammed the door shut.

"Who? Kurenai?" Kakashi asked.

"No, no! Rin!" Jiraiya screamed.

Kakashi grabbed his head in frustration. "Damn! The nurses took my clothes and my mask! And I can't—"

The doorknob turned and in came Rin.

Her brown hair and cheery attitude was still the same as they were when they were kids.

Once she saw Kakashi. Shirtless and maskless, she threw herself at him and practically held him in an ultra tight bear hug.

"Kakashi-san! I missed you so much! It's been nearly 17 years!"

Being the gentleman he was, he hugged her back. "Yo…uh…I miss you too…I guess."

She looked mildly offended. "You don't mean that, do you?"

"I…uh…of course I miss you…we were…_friends_…"

She looked into Kakashi's only open eye. (Since he closes his sharingan eye to conserve chakra) "My feelings for you never changed, Kakashi-kun," She moved closer to his face. "In fact…" She took the liberty of placing a really intimate, kiss on Kakashi only to interrupt when Jiraiya squealed.

Kakashi softly pushed Rin's face away from his. "I'm in a relationship now."

Rin's face transformed into one of hurt and shock. "With…who?"

Kakashi sighed. "Kurenai Yuuhi." He answered briefly.

Jiraiya cleared his throat. "I believe this is my cue to leave. I'll see you later, Kakashi-san." He sped out the door and closed it behind him.

(((JBL NOTE: If you don't know who the hell Rin is. She is a little girl that used to have the same sensei as Kakashi. She liked him, he ain't like her. I don't know where the hell she is now. She could be dead, or coulda gotten pissed off at Kakashi and haven't kept in touch.))))


	24. Getting Him Drunk

Chapter 24- Getting Him Drunk

Kakashi sighed. "You have to understand, Rin, I thought you were dead."

"Are you married to her?"

"No, but I'm going to be soon. I haven't proposed yet, but I was thinking about waiting two months until her birthday."

Rin sighed. "Oh, so this Kurenai woman was the one in the hallway with black hair, red lipstick, and red eyes."

"Yep. She's beautiful, isn't she?" Kakashi asked with a smile.

"Am _I_ beautiful?" She asked him instead.

Kakashi sighed. "You're…not bad." He managed. Truth was, she was absolutely gorgeous. She had really filled in in the right places since they were little kids.

"So, how are you feeling today?" She asked.

"Fine, the nurse said I'll be getting out of here soon."

Pakkun came busting through the window, scaring the heck out of Rin and Kakashi.

"Hey, Kakashi, I got here as fast as I could, I meant to tell you that R—" Pakkun looked at Rin and sighed. "I was too late."

Kakashi smiled at Pakkun. "Jiraiya already told me."

The pub looked confused. "And you aren't running for cover!"

"Well, you know, it's kinda hard to run with my _injury_, remember?"

"Well, anyway, Kurenai-chan will be back soon. She told me _five_ minutes ago."

"And you're now just telling _me_?" Kakashi looked at Rin. "You've got to get—"

The door opened and in came Kurenai.

Kakashi immediately began fretting. "Look, Kurenai-chan, it's not what it looks like, I promise, she's just a visitor who was just _leaving_."

Kurenai gave him a questioning look and then noticed Pakkun and the window he had broken. "Umm…what are you talking about, Kakashi?"

Kakashi pointed to Rin, who was about a few inches away from him. "I mean her. We're not…you know…"

"I know." Kurenai said with a smile. "But what excuse do you have for that broken window?"

Kakashi pointed to Pakkun. "He did it."

Pakkun sighed. "I was just trying to tell Kakashi that the nurse said he could leave tomorrow." He lied.

Kurenai didn't believe it, but wasn't going to press the matter further. She walked in and pointed to Rin. "She's in my spot, Kaka-kun."

"I was here fi—"

Kakashi pushed her off the bed and made room for Kurenai.

Rin got up off the floor and frowned. "Kakashi!"

"What?" He asked innocently. "I already told you, Rin. Kurenai is my _girlfriend_."

Rin sullenly left the room. She wasn't through just yet. She had a plan. A big plan…

The Next Day…

The next day, the nurse had woke Kakashi up with good news.

"Mr. Kakashi, you are free to leave, sir."

Kakashi yawned. "Really?" He asked.

"Yes, sir. We even have your clothes ready for you." She pointed to the pile of neatly folded jounin outfit.

It didn't even take 20 minutes for him to get them on, pay his incredibly high hospital bill, and go walking down the street and running into some of his fellow jounins.

"Yo, Genma, Kotetsu, Asuma. What's up?"

"Nothing much. You're finally out of that hospital. We were on our way over there to go see if you wanted to have a few hundred glasses of sake." Asuma said, lighting another cigarette.

Kakashi smiled. (He has his mask on this time). "Sure."

"Oh, we hope you don't mind, but a hot chick wanted to come with us." Genma said as he put his arm around Kakashi. "She said she's a good friend of yours, 'Kash. You know a girl named Rin?"

Kakashi sighed. "Yeah, I know her. Hopefully, I can get her interested in Yamato so she won't piss off Kurenai and start a kunoichi fight."

"It would be nice to see, though. Two sexy female ninjas fighting." Genma said with a grin. "Ain't that right, Kotetsu?"

Even with Kotetsu's nod of approval, Kakashi still wasn't convinced. "It might be nice to see for you single guys, but not me."

"In any case, we're just celebrating your release from the hospital." Asuma said. "And what better way to do that than get drunk silly."

"Okay, okay. I'll drink a few, but don't expect me to get drunk." Kakashi stated. Everyone in the village (except the kids) knew Kakashi could drink up to 20 glasses of sake without becoming completely wasted. "I have a reputation to uphold."

They walked to the bar talking about various things, but once they got inside, Kakashi asked, "Hey, Genma, didn't you say Rin was going to be joining us?"

Genma looked around. "Yeah, she said she'd meet us here. Who knows? Maybe she got lost on the way." Kotetsu suggested.

Suddenly, a pair of arms found their way around Kakashi's upper body and he was hugged from behind.

"Rin?" Kakashi asked, not really surprised. "Please get off of me…"

Rin let go of him and grabbed a hold of his hand. "I bet you twenty hundred yen I'll get you drunk, Kakashi."

Kakashi sighed. "Whatever you say, Rin."

Asuma, Genma and Kotetsu watched Kakashi's dismayed expression and Rin's incredibly perky, and cheeky smile.

"I don't mean to impose," Kotetsu said as they ordered sake. "But aren't you aware that Kakashi-san has a girlfriend?"

Rin nodded dejectedly. "Yes, I know."

"And you're still messing with him?" Genma asked. "What are you going to do, get him drunk, take him to the hotel and have your way with him?" He joked.

Kakashi gave him a look. "Don't give her ideas, Genma." He said.

Rin had a 'that's-not-a-bad-idea' look on her face, which scarred the hell out of Kakashi. She firmly placed herself in his lap.

"Come on, Rin, get up. You've already met Kurenai. She'll kick your ass if she finds you on me, you know." Kakashi told her after demolishing an entire glass of sake and ordering another. "Asuma, Kotetsu and Genma are single, can't you got mess with them?"

Rin looked them over. They were all certainly hot. "I can't."

Kakashi sighed. "Just get up…_please_."

Twenty glasses of sake later, and Kakashi burped. "That's it," He announced. "That's all I'm drinking. If I drink any more my liver's going to give me hell tomorrow morning."

Genma had already passed out, Asuma wasn't even fazed and Kotetsu was whacked out of his mind. Rin on the other hand…was still sober enough to try and get Kakashi drunk.

"Just _twenty_ more, Kakashi-kun." Rin pleaded.

Kakashi shook his head defiantly. "No. I'm a role model to little kids and I told them I never exceed twenty glasses of sake. Genma did and look what happened to him."

Genma had just fallen over out of his chair and was probably unconscious.

Asuma sighed. "Well, twenty-five's my limit; I'm getting out of here. Thanks for the invitation. See you later Kakashi." He said as he stood up and left.

Kakashi nodded. "Could you please take Rin with you?" He begged.

Rin held a glass of sake in Kakashi's face "Drink up." She insisted.

"Fine, Rin, fine. If you promise you'll leave me alone, I'll do it." One thing that had never changed was the fact that Rin was still annoying to Kakashi.

Rin grinned. "Okay, I promise." She ordered fifty two more glasses of sake and watched as Kakashi drank them all.

Rin was now at a crossroads. She could either take Kakashi to a random hotel and rape him, or she could take Kakashi _and_ Kotetsu to a hotel and have a threesome. So, she did what any one of us would do. She chose to have a threesome.


	25. The Talk at the Hot Springs

Chapter 25- The Talk at the Hot Springs

Kakashi woke up some hours later in a bed. His head hurt and his thing felt funny. _It must've been the beer_. He looked to the other side of the bed and saw Rin. _Yep, it's the beer_. He looked to the body on top of Rin. Kotetsu. _It was only the beer_.

He sat up instantly. "Oh no! _Kurenai's_ gonna kill me! _I'm_ going to kill me! Damnit, how did _this_ happen? _What_ happened?"

Rin woke up, pushed Kotetsu off of her and looked at Kakashi with a happy smile. "That was pleasant."

Kakashi looked horrified. "What happened? Did we have sex! I couldn't have, I was drunk…I _thought_ I passed out." He held his aching head.

"No, we didn't. We did everything _but_ that."

Kakashi tried to think of everything you could do to somebody that was sexual related, but wasn't sex itself.

"If it makes you feel better, _I _did most of the work. You were halfway out of your mind. I don't know who was worse. You or Kotetsu." Rin said. "At least both of you have big—"

"You mean to tell me you touched my stuff!"

Rin nodded.

"And you gave me a blowjob!"

Rin nodded again. "Among other things. It wasn't difficult since you weren't hairy.

Kakashi cringed. "But it's _Kurenai's_ job! And if she finds out…"

Kotetsu was finally starting to wake up. "Hey, Kakashi man, what happened—why the hell are you naked?"

Rin smiled at the two and starred at their incredibly huge private parts.

Kotetsu gaped at Rin and attempted to cover himself with his hands. "Did you…_rape_ me?" He asked.

"Yeah, and did you know how difficult it was?"

Kotetsu sighed. "Don't you know how risky that was? You could've gotten pregnant from this!"

Kakashi threw his hands up. "It _won't_ be my kid." He said, as he tried to make out exactly what happened. He rubbed his crotch. "Did you bite me?" He asked Rin.

"It was an accident."

Kakashi shook his head. "I'm getting the hell out of here. Kurenai's probably looking all over for me." He got his clothes on and ran out of the room.

Kotetsu sighed. "I can't believe I got _raped_. I'm a _jounin_ for goodness sakes." He rubbed his head. "And besides, I thought you wanted to rape Kakashi, not me!"

"I was, but it wouldn't be nice since he has a girlfriend already."

In Tsunade's Office…

"Have you seen Kakashi?" Kurenai asked Tsunade.

Tsunade shook her head. "No, I haven't. Have you, Shizune?"

"No, not me either."

Surprisingly, Yamato came in.

"Have you seen Kakashi?" Kurenai asked him.

"No, but Genma told me they were going to the bar to get drunk and celebrate him getting out of the hospital. He's either there or at home passed out."

"Thank you, Yamato." Kurenai left the room in search of Kakashi.

Tsunade smiled at Yamato. "So, you've come back to discuss posing for Playgirl?" She asked.

Yamato sweatdropped. "No, actually, I was just wondering if you had any—"

"Single women for you to date?" Shizune asked excitedly.

He scratched his head. "_No_, I was just wondering if Tsunade-sama has any missions."

Tsunade smiled. "Oh, there's plenty. There are several D rank missions. Let's see… cleaning my office, taking care of Tonton for a day and lots of others things."

Yamato sighed. "How about _S _rank missions?"

"There are several of them! You could come over here and give me a lap dance, you could pose for Playgirl, escort for old ladies, get married, have kids—"

"Tsunade-sama, I think I'll just go to the spa and relax." Yamato turned around to leave.

"Be careful, and try not to get raped." Tsunade said as he left.

Yamato sighed. Their Hokage was a closet pervert, and wanted to see at least half of the jounins naked. Including him. It was hard to go into her office and not be scared for your life…and virginity.

20 Minutes Later…

Yamato was at the spa and about to relax into the nice, soothing hot spring, and saw Kakashi fully clothed...

_Yeah, he's drunk_ Yamato thought as he stepped in the other side. "Hey, Kakashi, you know you're in the hot springs, right?"

Kakashi nodded slowly.

"In your _clothes_."

Kakashi nodded again. "…Trying to get rid of this hangover."

Yamato shook his head. "I thought you didn't drink more than twenty glasses of sake."

"I don't…but that damn woman made me…won't leave me alone till I did it…"

"Then what'd she do?" Yamato asked, but thought he already knew.

Just as Kakashi was going to tell him, a woman came in.

"There you are!" Kurenai sighed. "I was so worried about you."

Kakashi turned around and looked at her. "Oh, hey, Kurenai-chan. I'm a little drunk right now, so could you please come back later?"

Kurenai raised her eyebrow. "I see you're drunk, Kaka-kun…" She sighed. "Yamato-san, will you please make sure Kakashi-kun doesn't do anything…stupid." She asked before leaving.

"Uh…sure." It beat the hell out of those crazy missions Tsunade was suggesting. He waited until Kurenai was out of earshot and asked, "So what exactly happened?"

"Rin almost raped me. She already raped Kotetsu…the poor guy. I think he's getting a restraining order on her."

Yamato sweatdropped. A _jounin_ got raped? Yamato still couldn't believe it. Kotetsu was…_raped_. And Kakashi would have been next. The again, they _were_ drunk, so that was a legitimate excuse.

"Yo, Yamato, do you think Kurenai will be mad?"

"Mad that you got drunk and a woman basically had her way with you…uh, yeah, she is gonna be pretty mad." Yamato told him. "I'm no expert on women, but they don't let something like that slide."

Kakashi gulped. "If she found out, do you think she would still…marry me?"

"I don't know…she might. I guess it all depends on how much she loves you." Yamato sniffed. "You also smell like sex." He added.

"It must have come from Rin and Kotetsu. I must have been on the bed while they were doing _it_." Kakashi said.

Yamato nodded. "Hopefully, if Kurenai finds out, she'll understand that you _didn't_ impregnate Rin."

Kakashi laughed softly. "Yeah, and if she tries to pin a baby on me, it's more than likely Kotetsu's."

After he said that, the door slid back, and Kotetsu came in.

He had a deadbeat look about him. He was naked, and walked like a zombie.

Jiraiya, Genma were grinning and coming in behind him.

"Guess what, Kotetsu got some _action_!" Genma proclaimed and Kotetsu basically fell into the hot springs.

Jiraiya had a glass of sake in his hand. "Wish I was there to see it! I can't believe he got drunk and did something so reckless! I would have at least made sure I was sober enough to enjoy it!" He said proudly as he stepped into the hot springs with Genma.

Kakashi eyed Genma. "How the hell did you get over your drunkenness so soon?"

"I sweet talked one of the nurses." He grinned. "Hey man, why didn't you take your clothes off? It's more enjoyable that way. No girls are here to spy on us."

"Too tired to take my clothes off…" He said lazily.

Out of nowhere, Iruka came in…with _Anko_!

"Ah, it feels good to be back home in Konoha!" He exclaimed as he dived in the hot springs with Anko right behind him.

Every man in the hot spring tensed. A woman was in their territory. The only place men could get together and hang out in privacy had just been _invaded_!

Jiraiya got a hell of a nosebleed looking at Anko's titties, and the other men averted their eyes to other things.

"Hi, guys." Anko said. They all replied with a very forced, "Hi, Anko-chan." She frowned at that. "What? You all don't like the fact that a woman is in here? You gotta problem with it?"

Jiraiya shook his head. "No, no problem at all." He grinned.

Kakashi and Kotetsu gave her a very lazy look. "Huh?" They both asked her at the same time.

She then realized they were suffering from a hangover. "Damn, Kakashi, you look like a bat up piñata reeking of sex. What have you and Kurenai been doing, lately!"

"You mean what Kotetsu was doing and then got that awful sex stench on me." Kakashi said, looking at Kotetsu drunkenly.

"Hey, man, don't blame it on me. I was _unconscious_! The woman was basically impregnating _herself_. I didn't do anything!" He defended.

"And what are you going to do if she gets pregnant?" Jiraiya asked. "I say you break all ties with the woman. What _beast_ would take advantage of a drunken man?"

Kotetsu shook his head. "Even though my mind's blown right now, I still have enough balls to take care of my kid if she gets pregnant."

Kakashi gave him a high five. "That's right." He wobbled up and pointed to Kotetsu. "Ladies and Gentleman, I present to you; a _real_ man."

Everyone in the hot spring clapped except Iruka and Anko.

"So…I guess I've missed quiet a lot since Anko and I were no vacation." Iruka muttered.

Kakashi grinned. "Don't worry, 'Ruka, I'll tell you all about it after my hangover settles down." He said. "I'm going to go find Kurenai and hope she'll give me a massage or something." He left the hot springs with his clothes dripping wet.

Yamato sighed. "I think I'll get out of here, too."

He stood up, and being a woman, Anko couldn't help but look. "Damn, Yamato-san! What's got you so hard!" She asked.

Yamato blushed. "It happens randomly." He said, hurrying out of the hot springs.

"Damn…" Anko watched his ass as he left. "I don't know whose booty is better. His or yours, 'Ruka."

Iruka sighed. "Have you forgotten that _we're_ married?" He asked.

Anko shrugged. "I'm in a tub full of nice looking jounins…I can't help but look."

Iruka sighed again. "It was bad enough that you had to go and write about our sexual adventures…"

Jiraiya's eyes popped out of his head. "Oh really? Is it in detail?" He asked.

Iruka nodded. "Yeah, but it's from _her_ point of view."

Jiraiya immediately looked disinterested. "Never mind. I forgot girl porn existed."


	26. Stuff

Chapter 26- Stuff

Yamato dried off, got his clothes on and chased after a still dripping wet and almost still drunk, Kakashi.

Kakashi was shuffling down the street when Yamato caught up with him.

"Where are you going?" He asked.

Kakashi shrugged. "To Kurenai-chan's house. Are you coming too?"

Yamato nodded. "Yeah, I have to. Kurenai-san asked me to look after you and make sure you didn't do anything foolish." He told him.

Kakashi gave him his one-eyed look. "Dammit, Yamato, I was _raped_!"

Yamato sighed. "You were _drunk_, Kakashi. Besides, Kurenai's house is this way." He tugged Kakashi's arm in the opposite direction.

"I felt…so _violated_. Never get drunk when a woman is in the room." Kakashi said randomly as he was being dragged along.

"It's okay. I…uh…understand." Yamato assured him while he led the way to Kurenai's home.

Tsunade's Office…

Naruto was in Tsunade's office having a mature chat with her about…everything. Things he didn't know, but should.

"Okay, Naruto, I've told you about periods, penises, boobs, sex, marriage and condoms. What else would you like to know?" Tsunade asked as she went through an everything in her mind that was of importance.

Naruto scratched his head. "Hey, old granny. Can you teach me about being a great husband so I can give Kakashi-sensei some tips when he marries Kurenai-chan?" He asked excitedly.

Tsunade nodded. "No problem. Being a good husband means providing the adequate amount of money to support for your wife and fulfilling her sexual needs. You have to pay attention to what your wife wants. And most importantly, do not cheat. I repeat, do _not_ cheat on your wife. If she has any self-worth, she will most likely kick your ass."

Naruto nodded. "Okay. Thanks, Tsunade-sama. I think I'm going to go see Kakashi-sensei now."

Kurenai's House…

Kakashi had his shirt off and was being properly massaged. If Kakashi wasn't so damn sexy, Kurenai would have charged him for this.

"Oh, man…that feels good, Kurenai-chan. Can you rub a little lower till you get to my butt? My butt feels like a stiff softball."

Kurenai smiled. "Sure, Kaka-kun. That'll give me a good excuse to grab your ass."

Yamato was in the other room and tried to tone out the two's crazy, flirtatious talk. He only stayed because Kurenai asked him to. He had offered to leave, but Kurenai had insisted that he stay. He felt like he was intruding, but Kurenai assured him she'd be done massaging Kakashi and starting on dinner. It was 6:36 pm after all.

Once Kurenai was finished with Kakashi's massage, she washed her hands and started on dinner.

Yamato sat on the living room couch in the living room when Kakashi came out of the other room and sat down across from him.

Kakashi gave him an assured smile. "Don't worry; Kurenai-chan's a great cook. She makes excellent ramen, and miso soup, but she tends to burn the eggplants." He said in a slight whisper.

Yamato laughed. "Nice to know you're not drunk anymore."

"It's all thanks to my wonderful and amazing girlfriend and soon to be wife."

There was knocking at the door and Kakashi knew it could only be one person.

Naruto.

"Hey, Kurenai-chan, is Kakashi-sensei in there? He's not at his house."

Kurenai was going to let Naruto in, when Kakashi offered to do it for her.

"Yo." He said as Naruto came in and sniffed the air. "Yamato and I are eating dinner here, care to join us?"

"Yeah! Is she making ramen!" He asked excitedly.

"Nope, not today. We're having miso soup."

Naruto sighed. "Aww man, _healthy_ stuff!" He looked up at his tall sensei. "How come you don't like sweets, sensei?"

Kakashi patted Naruto's head. "Because they're not healthy and they mess up a ninja's appetite."

Naruto noticed Yamato. "Yamato-san! Do you like sweets?" He asked in hopes of hearing a yes.

"Occasionally. Kakashi's right, though, it isn't all that healthy." Yamato told him.

Naruto sighed. Grown ups were boring.

The Next Day…

The next day Kakashi couldn't even get up before Naruto somehow snuck into his apartment and woke him up.

"Kakashi-sensei! Kakashi-sensei! Wake up! Let's go eat ramen!"

Kakashi heard Naruto's incessant rambling and sighed. "Naruto, you haven't even had breakfast yet, have you?" He asked as Naruto pulled the covers off of him, exposing his boxers.

"Yeah I've had breakfast! It's 4:30 pm, Kakashi-sensei! Get up and let's go eat ramen!" Naruto yelled.

Again, Kakashi sighed. "Fine Naruto."

20 Minutes Later…

Kakashi and Naruto had managed to drag Yamato to Ichiraku's Ramen Bar.

Kakashi watched the guys make the ramen and noticed Ayame wasn't there. "Hey, where's cute little Ayame-chan?" He asked.

Teuchi (the old man and Ayame's father) smiled. "Oh, Ayame is on a vacation. She'll be back tomorrow."

Teuchi had two other guys scrambling to make three bowls of ramen.

Finally, they made Kakashi's bowl and set it down in front of him.

Kakashi didn't need glasses to see that one of the men had put his thumb in Kakashi's ramen. You can put your thumb in anyone else's food, but not _Kakashi Hatake's_. He stared at his food. "Uh…you put your thumb in my food, sir."

Naruto grabbed Kakashi's bowl. "I'll eat it, then!"

Before Kakashi could attest, Naruto had half of the food abolished. He sighed and glanced at Yamato, who was staring at the bowl in front of him as if it had poison.

Without Ayame, Ichiraku's Ramen wasn't right. It wasn't complete.

"You fools! You put a potato in Yamato-san's ramen!" Teuchi yelled at his incompetent workers.

Yamato sweatdropped. "A _potato_? That's what that is?" He asked, staring at the overly huge potato in the middle of his bowl. It was horribly burnt.

One of those guys grabbed the potato out of his bowl. That's when Yamato noticed the dead roach in his ramen. _I'm definitely not eating this_… "Hey, guys, there's a bug in my food." He told them.

Naruto began gagging. "I think I ate a mosquito!"

Kakashi looked at the two. It was times like this that he really wished Ayame was there. She would know what to do. "Naruto, Yamato, I think we should get out of here."

"Dammit! I'm' losing business because of you!" Teuchi screamed at his dumbfounded employees. "Please come back tomorrow, Ayame will be back, I promise." He told them.

They all muttered "Thank God." At the same time.

When Yamato got up, one of the guys confronted him about their pay.

He shook his head ruefully. "I'm not paying for a toasted potato and a dead roach."

"And I'm not paying for a bowl full of mosquitoes!" Naruto claimed proudly.

"I didn't eat, so…" Kakashi shrugged. As they left, he wondered what other restaurant would be nice. "Naruto do you know any other eating places besides Ichiraku's ramen bar?"

Naruto shook his head. "No, not unless we go to Kurenai-chan's house! She can cook really well!" Naruto pointed to a place almost identical to Ichiraku's ramen bar. "Oh look! I didn't know there was a restaurant called Kurenai Yuuhi's Food Bar! Wow, a bar named after Kurenai-chan!"

Kakashi gasped. "Because that is Kurenai-chan! She didn't tell me she was opening her own restaurant."

"Let's eat there!" Naruto screamed as he raced Kakashi.

Yamato followed and hoped Kurenai's restaurant was better than Ichiraku's.

Kakashi nearly broke his ass sitting on the cushioned stool before Naruto.

Naruto took the one beside him and Yamato took the one between Naruto and Shizune.

Shizune blushed after seeing Yamato and Kurenai blushed seeing Kakashi pull his mask down and openly drool.

"Hi…Kaka-kun, Naruto-san and Yamato-san. What can I do for you?" She asked them.

Kakashi pointed to the menu that hung in front of them.

"The _entire_ menu, Kakashi?" Kurenai asked.

Kakashi scratched his head. "How about…a #5, a #2, and three #9s and lots and lots of sauce."

Naruto looked at the menu. Everything on it sounded tasty to him. "I'll take #1 through #6."

Yamato nearly laughed at their orders. At the rate they were going, they'd be broke by next week. "I'll just take a #7, please." He glanced at Shizune, who had miso ramen and dango. "Is it good?" He asked out of curiosity.

"It's great," she replied and smiled at him. "How are you?"

"Fine, other than the fact that they tried to give me ramen with a dead roach and burnt potato in it at Ichiraku's Ramen Bar."

She gave him a sympathetic look. "Aw, you poor thing. Do you want a hug?"

"Uh…sure." They hugged and Shizune tried her best to cheer him up.

"It's okay…the same thing almost happened to me today. They threw dead ants in my food and tried to pass it off as pepper." She told him.

"Yeah…they're half blind I guess."

Kurenai handed Yamato his food (since it was only person who ordered one thing.) He paid her, said "Itadaskimasu." And then ate.

Naruto had his next since he only wanted #1 through #6, which was still a lot.

He paid Kurenai-chan and ate.

While waiting for his order, Kakashi was unknowingly soaking his spot with his saliva.

Naruto tapped his sensei on the shoulder. "You're drooling, Kakashi-sensei. It isn't nice to make the cook clean up after you."

Kakashi looked down and realized what he was doing. "Whoops…" He got some napkins and cleaned it up.

When his food was ready, he paid Kurenai and ate.

35 Minutes Later….

Kakashi burped. "So, Kurenai-chan, how long have you been planning to start your own restaurant?" He asked.

"Since last night." She answered. "I was going to tell you, but I wanted it to be a surprise."

Kakashi patted his finally full belly. "It was yummy, Kurenai-chan." Kakashi yawned. "That food makes me sleepy…"

A random female civilian that happened to be sitting beside him offered to take him back to her house. "Please, Kakashi-kun?"

He declined her offer. "No thanks," He pointed to Kurenai. "That's my soon to be wife."

Naruto raised his hand as if he were in a classroom. "Kakashi-sensei, how can she be your soon to be wife when you haven't even proposed yet?" He asked, burping after every five words.

Two female civilian gasped. "Oh my God! You don't have your mask on!"

Females always hyperventilated if they saw him without his mask. Kakashi sighed and somehow spotted Kotetsu with his head down and a glass of half drunken sake in front of him. "Excuse me, miss." He got up and walked over to Kotetsu. He tapped him on the shoulder. "Yo, did Rin rape you _again_?"

Kotetsu sighed. "I'm still thinking about _it_, Kakashi. That night we all got drunk and we were both helplessly harassed."

Kakashi looked around subtly. "Keep your voice down." He muttered.

"I just can't believe we were raped."

"No, _you_ were raped. _I_ just happened to be savagely fondled."

The next thing Kakashi knew, he was being jacked up a good two inches off the ground by Kurenai.

"The _only_ person who gets to 'savagely fondle' _you_ is _me_!"

Kakashi's eyes widened and he knew if he didn't say the right thing, Kurenai would kill him…well; she'd rape him first and then kill him. Either way he would be dead. "It wasn't my fault, Kurenai-chan! I was drunk and asleep!" He felt his stomach rumbling. "I promise you it's true! Now put me down please, I think I'm going to gag."

Kotetsu looked up wary eyed. "It's true, Kurenai-chan. We were drunk and the woman took…_indecent_ liberties with us. She raped me and did _nasty_ stuff to Kakashi."

"Yeah…uh…you can't blame me, Kurenai-chan, I didn't do anything wrong, but get drunk." Kakashi said with a nervous smile. "Kotetsu-san was raped, Kurenai-chan. By the same woman."

"And do you know who this woman is?" Kurenai asked.

"I…uh…well…you see, I—"

"It's a _yes_ or _no_ question, Kaka-kun."

Kakashi had two choices. He could either keep his promise to "protect" Rin, and lie to his very pissed girlfriend, or he could tell Kurenai it was Rin and spare himself the trouble.

"I didn't get a good look of her face…" He lied. It was the smarter choice, or so he thought. Even though Rin fondled the Hell out of him, he didn't want Rin to get killed by Kurenai-chan. "Are you on your period, Kurenai-chan?"

Kurenai gave him a 'you're-about-to-get-your-sexy-ass-kicked' look. The only reason Kakashi wasn't beaten down on the spot was because he didn't have his mask on.

So, Kurenai decided to answer his question. "No, Kakashi, I'm not on my period."

"Oh, so you're jealous, then. Well don't be. I love _you_ and not that crazy lady that tried to rape me." He assured her.

Kurenai sighed. "Okay…okay…"

Kotetsu barfed, but managed to do so without getting any on Kurenai and Kakashi. "If it's okay with you, Kurenai-chan, I'd like _five_ more glasses of sake."

Kurenai nodded and turned around to get his drinks, but Kakashi grabbed her wrist.

"I know you'll make a good profit from it, but don't give him any more sake. It'll fuck his body up."

Kotetsu gave him a look, and Kakashi patted him on the back.

"What kind of friend would I be if I let you _over_ -overdose on sake?" Kakashi smiled. "Besides, what if the lady comes back again and tries to rape you."

"That's right…I think I'll go home now."

"You're so sweet, Kaka-kun," Kurenai said. "But we're still going to have a talk about this."

Kakashi sweatdropped. "Yes…ma'am."

"Kakashi-sensei! Gai-san is looking for you!" Naruto screamed from the other end of the bar.

"Well, see you, Kurenai-chan." Kakashi said as he stood up to leave.

"There you are my eternal rival!"

Kakashi sighed.

Too late.

"What do you want, Gai?"

"If you don't give me 50 yen, I'll tell Kurenai-chan you an affair with Rin!"

Luckily, Kurenai was off serving other customers, so she didn't hear.

"She knows, and it wasn't an affair! It was a…it was _molestation_ for goodness sakes." Kakashi told him... "How the hell do you know anyway?"

"Anko-chan asked me to spy on you, and take notes so she could write a book about you." Gai explained.

Kakashi scratched his head and attempted to understand what he just said. Anko writing about…_him_. First it was her sexual adventures with Iruka, and now she's planning to write a novel about…_him_? Well, as long as he got a good fifty percent of the profit, it was fine by him.


	27. The Great Writer

Chapter 27- The Great Writer

As luck would have it, Anko was actually behind him, twirling his hair for no apparent reason.

"Yo." He said swatting her hand way from him. "How's Iruka?"

"He's well fed, sexually satisfied and he gets paid well as a teacher, so I guess he's doing fine." Anko said. Gai had handed her some papers and she skimmed over them briefly. "Oh man, you were raped?" She raised her eyebrows. "Kakashi…how in the world did you let that happen!"

Kakashi shrugged. "I was _drunk_, okay?"

Anko nodded. Whatever the case, it would make for a great story. "Anyway, Kakashi, I was wondering if you'd let me write a story about you."

"It depends, what is it about?"

Anko scratched her head. How do you tell Kakashi you want to write a porno book about him and his 10 (plus the 3 inches after his…uh…surgery.) inch penis? Well, she was a jounin and pretty clever, so she'd find a way to word it. "Well, I was thinking about making it about you having sex with various women."

Kakashi laughed nervously. "Oh? Am I a pimp?"

"No, you're the hoe. What's wrong with making you look like a male prostitute?" Anko asked.

"First off, Kurenai-chan will kill me, two, the women in the village might actually think I'm a gigolo, and third, Tsunade-sama might get turned on and try to rape me. Simply put, it would ruin my reputation."

Anko nodded. "That's understandable, how about making it about you having lots of hot and steamy sex with Kurenai?" She suggested.

"That works. Just give me 50 percent of the profit, and I think we have a deal."

They shook hands like two responsible adults, and then the million dollar question came up.

"Hey, Kakashi, aren't you going to split the money with Kurenai too?"

Kakashi looked at all the people happily eating their food at her bar. "Uh…nope, but I think you should ask her before you publish it. We wouldn't want you getting sued."

"Are you kidding me? Kurenai's a porn hating, 31 year old woman. She'd probably tell me the book would make her look _dirty_."

"Yeah, well, what's offensive about having 'hot and steamy' sex with me?" Kakashi asked. "Looks like we'll have to ask her about it _after_ the book is published."

Anko laughed. "That'll work. You sure she won't kill you? I don't want to be partly responsible is for the death of Kakashi Hatake."

"If she starts using her genjutsu on me, I'll just find a way to _seduce_ her…"

Anko lightly hit Kakashi in the shoulder. "Well, I'm going home to 'Ruka, and look over these notes so I can get this book written."

"What are you going to call it?" He asked.

"How does: _Kakashi and His Penis_ sound?" She joked. Kakashi shook his head. With a title like that, it would be guaranteed to sell millions of copies worldwide. "Hell, I don't know. Maybe something like… _The Kakashi Sex Gaiden_, I don't know. I'll think of something. I'll probably write about Yamato next. With a ass as big as his—"

"Anko! I'm a _man_, remember? The _last_ thing I want to hear is how big Yamato's ass was."

"Whoops….well, anyway, I'll see you later."

Kakashi reveled in the thought that he was going to be rich. All the women in the entire Fire Country would buy the book. He and Anko would split the profits and they'd both be 5 million yen richer.

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei! What's up with this book?" Naruto asked, as he held a book with Anko and Iruka in the bed in front of Kakashi's face. "And why is Anko and Iruka-sensei on the cover?"

Kakashi scratched his head and thought about it for a second. Naruto was at the age when he should know about pornography. "Well, it's about Iruka and Anko having sex every five minutes. I scanned through the book and it's actually quiet…nice."

"Ooohh! Can I read it!" Naruto asked with excitement.

"No! You're a minor!" Kakashi snatched the book away from him and opened the first page. "Hmmm….this isn't for boys."

Naruto gave him a questioning look, and Kakashi elaborated.

"For one thing, it's written by a woman, for women….or gay men."

Naruto scratched his head. "Oh…"

Something told Kakashi that Naruto still didn't understand, so he tried to put it in simpler terms. "Say Anko was going to write a…dirty book about me and Kurenai. She's writing it for _women_."

Naruto scratched his head. "Uh...oh, I get it!" He lied. "But why would she write a dirty book about you and Kurenai-chan?"

Kakashi sighed. "One day, Naruto, you'll understand…"

"Hi, Kakashi-kun."

Kakashi was too scared to turn around. He knew it wasn't Kurenai, and Anko was at home with Iruka. And that only left one person. Rin.

"Oh…hi, Rin." He said nervously.

She put her hand on his shoulder and he jumped. "Don't be so jumpy, Kakashi-kun, I'm not going to molest you again."

Kakashi took a sigh of relief.

"Next time, I'll _rape_ you."

"I'm never getting drunk again. Not until you leave Konoha, anyway."

"Who is this lady, sensei?" Naruto asked.

"She's uh…a _friend_." He told him.

"Then why do you act so terrified when she's around?"

Kakashi was going to spare Naruto the mental scarring. "Well, she's…um…"

Rin wrapped her arms around him. "I miss you, Kakashi-kun."

Kakashi tried to pry her arms away from him. "Could you stop it before Kurenai-chan notices? I don't want to get my ass kicked by my girlfriend."

"You just wait until you're drunk again." Rin teased.

"…"

"Hey, get off my sensei! He's got a girl! If Kurenai-chan sees us, she'll kick all three of our asses!" Naruto tried pulling Rin away from Kakashi.

With the help of other civilians, they finally got Rin off of Kakashi.

"Thanks." He muttered and decided to run behind Kurenai's food bar and hide.

Kurenai was stirring soup and noticed him crouching with his hands over his head.

"Um…Kaka-kun, what are you doing?" She asked him.

"Hiding, a woman is trying to rape me."

Kurenai frowned. "You mean that woman that harassed you?"

Kakashi stood up. "I _think_ so…"

Kurenai hugged him as if he were a hurt little child.

"Is she still around? I'll kick her ass for you." She said in a soothing voice.

"Oh, no, you don't have to kick her ass, just let me hide back here for a bit."

"She _molested_ you, Kaka-kun, why can't I kick her ass?" Kurenai asked.

"He couldn't tell her he didn't want her hurting Rin because she was one of his best friends when he was younger. "I…uh…you'll scare the customers away."

An impatient civilian yelled, "Hey! Leave Kurenai-chan alone so she can give us our meals! Some of us are starving, you know!"

Kakashi rubbed his head. "Okay, he's got a point." Kakashi looked around and didn't see Rin, so he assumed she had left.

Tsunade's Office… (Oh no!)

Tsunade was doing her work (for once) when Shizune came in. Tsunade could tell by the way she walked in that something was up. That's when she saw Yamato walk in behind her.

Tsunade sighed. _Damn, Kurenai has Kakashi; Shizune has Yamato…If the kunoichis keep this up, then I'll be left with that smut ball, Jiraiya._ "You're finally back, huh?"

Shizune nodded. "Thank you for walking me here, Yamato-san."

He nodded, and right before he left, Tsunade said, "Whenever you and Shizune decide you two want to have sex, feel free to do it right in front of me." Then she added, "That's an order."

Yamato sweatdropped and left.

Shizune glared at her. "Tsunade-sama are you crazy! You just want to see his—"

"Yep." She grinned. "Sorry to say, but I think Jiraiya's rubbing off on me." She opened up Anko's book titled, _Me and Iruka's Great Ass Sex_, and started reading.

After walking Shizune to Tsunade's Office, Yamato felt like going to the hot springs, but Shizune had ran down the hallway calling his name.

"Yamato-san! Tsunade-sama wants to see you." She told him.

"If it's about that sex thing…"

"It's not; she wants to see you about some ANBU business."

Yamato could hardly believe Tsunade actually had a real ANBU mission. "Are you serious?" He asked her. An ANBU _mission_ meant an ANBU _paycheck_.

"Well, that's what she said, but she looked pretty serious." Shizune took his hand and dragged him to Tsunade's Office.

"When you were here, I forgot to tell you you're needed for a top-notch escort mission." Yamato nodded and she continued, "There's this extremely wealthy kid that needs to get back to the Hidden Village of Sand."

Yamato looked around, but didn't see any kid. "Where is he?" He asked.

"_She_ is waiting at the entrance." Tsunade said. "And _she_ is only _eight_ years old. _She_ is also very…_adventurous_. Which means you'll have to keep an eye on her." She glanced at a deeply blushing Shizune. "And I believe Shizune would like to escort you to the gate."

"Tsunade-sama!" Shizune covered her bright red face.

"I…uh…have to change into my ANBU uniform first." Yamato said.

"Well, Shizune-chan can walk you to your house, then walk you to the gate and see you off." Tsunade smiled.

"What are you trying to do, Tsunade-sama!" Shizune asked.

"Get you two kids hooked up. After Yamato's mission of course. Now both of you get out of here."

Shizune and Yamato left and Tsunade couldn't help but laugh to herself and continue reading _Me and Iruka's Great Ass Sex_ by Anko Mitarashi.

Near Kakashi's Home…

Kakashi had left Kurenai's Food Bar and decided it was safe enough to go home.

However, once he got home, and went into his bedroom, Rin was going through his boxers.

"Rin? How the Hell did you get into my house!" He asked. He swore he had locked the door.

"Sorry, Kakashi, how was I supposed to know she wasn't you?" Pakkun asked innocently. "I tried to stop her but…"

"But what?" That's when Kakashi noticed the doggy bone. "Dammit, Pakkun, she gave you a dog bone!" Pakkun nodded, Kakashi sighed and Rin kept looking at Kakashi's variety of boxers.

"You have cute boxers, Kakashi-kun. Where'd you get them?" She asked.

"Uh…I'd rather not disclose where I purchase my clothes from…" Kakashi said, taking a seat on his bed. "Let's just pretend you didn't get me drunk and you didn't…molest me, okay?"

Rin nodded. "Okay."

"Since you're here, can we get something straight?" Kakashi asked. "I'm in love with _Kurenai-chan_, so you can't keep…attempting to rape me. Kurenai-chan can be very territorial when it comes to me."

Rin looked slightly sadder, but nodded. "I get what you're saying, but…"

"But what?"

Pakkun was growing disgusted with the whole scene. "Kakashi, why don't you just sleep with Rin so she'll leave you alone?" He suggested.

"Because it wouldn't be fair to Kurenai-chan. And plus, Rin's already slept with Kotetsu…well…_raped_ Kotetsu. He was as drunk as I was."

"Well, damn, that complicates things." The pub muttered. "I'm just happy I'm a _dog_."

There was a long silence before Rin said, "You still have nice boxers, Kakashi-kun."

At The Gate…

Shizune had basically followed Yamato ever since they had seen each other at Kurenai's Food Bar. She didn't have a problem with it, though. Yamato had a nice ass.

"Bye, Yamato-san. Be careful." She told him.

He nodded. "I'll…see you later, I guess." He put his mask over his face and looked at the little girl he was supposed to take to the Sand. "Are you ready?" He asked.

She nodded, took a hold of his hand and walked off with him.

Shizune watched and smiled. He looked so cute walking off with the little girl. _He'd make a nice father_…Shizune thought, and then the image of him holding _their_ daughter crossed her mind and she knew she needed a drink.

10:00 At Night…

Iruka had finally got finished grading papers and was going to bed. (Yes, he was going to be d at 10:00 pm) He glanced over to his _lovely_ wife, Anko.

"Aren't you coming to bed?" He asked, which was a dumb question since she only came to bed when she was going to have sex with him.

Anko was sitting at a desk working on her latest novel. "Why? You wanna fuck me?"

Iruka sweatdropped. "Well…I was just _wondering_, that's all."

"Why are you going to bed so early? You don't need to teach anymore, 'Ruka, we're _rich_." Anko said.

Iruka sighed. After Anko published her "porn for women" book based on their sexual experiences, money started pouring in. Not that he was complaining, it's just a bit overwhelming. "Just because we're rich, Anko, the Ninja Academy still needs teachers. If I quit, who else would fill in?"

Anko thought about it for awhile. "Hell if I know." She put her pen down and followed Iruka into the bedroom…

((((((JBL NOTE: You can find Anko's book in your local bookstores. I've got a copy, and I've had 25 nosebleeds in the last two days.)))))))


	28. Gai Repellant

Chapter 28- Gai Repellant

Bright and early the next morning, Iruka was getting himself ready for his favorite job in the whole wide world. Teaching.

Anko was still in bed muttering incoherently about something. The only part of her mumbling that Iruka actually understood was, "The sex was great, Iruka."

Iruka put on his vest and smiled at his wife. "Thanks. It's an early dismissal today for the kids, so we can uh…finish up when I get back."

"I can't wait!" Anko shouted immediately. "Have a good day." She told him.

"I will." He gave Anko a wink and left.

Later on in the morning…

Kakashi was disturbed from his peaceful slumber when Pakkun jumped on his head and demanded Kakashi fix his favorite dog food.

"Aww man, I was in the middle of a great dream, too." Kakashi mumbled.

"What, Kurenai was finally letting you read your tasteless porn?" Pakkun asked.

"No, she was naked and we were—"

"Already too much information, Kakashi," Pakkun interrupted. He was a pub; he didn't want to know about his master's sick and erotic dreams. "Anyway, I'm starving here. Care to give me my Kibbles n' Bits?"

Once again, Kakashi sighed. "Sure." He lazily pushed away his sheets off and forced himself up from his incredibly comfortable bed.

Pakkun lead the way to the kitchen and anxiously awaited his wonderful roasted chicken and vegetable flavored doggie food.

Tsunade's Office…

"You're crazy, Tsunade-sama? Jiraiya's really rubbed off on you! I swear!" Shizune screamed at the top of her lungs. "I can't believe you!"

Tsunade flipped another page of Anko's _Me and Iruka's Great Ass Sex_. "Deep down inside, Shizune, we're _all_ perverts. Hell, I didn't know Iruka's crotch was _that_ long…"

Shizune shook her head. "You have lost it, Tsunade-sama."

"Anyway, back to out discussion," Tsunade bookmarked her page and looked up at Shizune in a rather serious expression. "When Yamato-san gets back from his uh…escort mission, and you two decide you want to have sex, have it right here in front of me."

"But why, Tsunade-sama?"

"Because Yamato won't take his pants off unless he's taking a pee- pee or he's having sex."

Shizune sighed. Ever since the Konoha had been at peace, Tsunade's been heavily immersed in the private and sex lives of Konoha's sexiest shinobi. Hell, Jiraiya's perverted senses probably rubbed off on her now, after all these years. "Tsunade-sama…you should consider finding a husband instead of scaring all of the young and handsome ninja."

Tsunade sighed. "Maybe I will one day. But all the exceedingly hot shinobi are already taken."

"Not Genma, or Kotetsu, or Izumo." Shizune reminded her.

Anko burst in with the biggest grin she could make.

"Tsunade! I just had the greatest idea for another porno novel!"

Suddenly, Tsunade was interested. "You do? What is it?"

Just as Anko was about to explain her greatest idea, Kakashi came in.

"Yo, Tsunade-sama, I'm having a problem with something." Kakashi said as he yawned and thought about going back to sleep. "What's the best way to get rid of a guy with a bowl shaped haircut and really thick eyebrows?"

Tsunade laughed. "Oh, Gai? I think they're selling Gai Repellant at the store down the street. I'm surprised _you_ haven't picked any up yet."

Kakashi sighed. "I figured it'd all be sold out by now." By chance, Kakashi managed to get a glimpse of Tsunade's reading material. "What book's that? Icha Icha—"

"Nope, _Me and Iruka's Great Ass Sex_ by Anko Mitarashi." Tsunade said with a wide grin. "Are you still reading your pornographic smut?"

Kakashi shook his head. "Nope, Kurenai-kun won't let me." He said in an unnaturally happy tone of voice. "Besides, I'd rather be with Kurenai-chan than read smut anyway."

Everyone gave him a what-did-you-just-say type of look. The great perverted Kakashi just said he stopped reading his perverted smut…Hold on, I think I feel Hell freezing over…

Anko shook her head and tried to pretend he didn't just say that. "Anyway, Tsunade-sama, I just wanted to let you know that I'm currently working on a porno novel about Kakashi, and—"

Tsunade jumped up, opened her window and had a waterfall of a nosebleed.

Kakashi scratched his head. "…"

Shizune pinched her nose to prevent the same from happening to her.

After Tsunade finished, she sat back down in her Hokage chair and cleared her throat. "That's an overly brilliant idea, Anko-chan. I can't wait to read it. Is that okay with you, Kakashi?"

"Sure. I get half of the profit. I had no idea you women were so…uh…well…" He racked his brain for a good word that wouldn't get himself slaughtered, but decided to quit while he was ahead. "Uh…never mind."

"Does Kurenai care that you're about to write a book about her and Kakashi having sex?" Tsunade asked.

Anko looked at Kakashi and shrugged. "Well…we both kind of agreed to not tell her."

Kakashi nodded. "If we told her, we'd never hear the end of it. She might even try to kill me for even agreeing to it."

Suddenly, Gai busts in and points a finger at Kakashi. "There you are my rival!" He yells.

"Oh, no. It's _you_ again, Gai." Kakashi said in a very bored voice. "One of these days, I'm going to get a restraining order on you."

"I came here to challenge you, my eternal rival!"

Kakashi sighed. Why not. Maybe afterwards, Gai would leave him alone. "Fine, Gai." He followed Gai outside.

Several female civilians were staring at the two.

"Now, we'll race to the gate of Konoha."

"Is that it?"

"No, then we play fifty games of rock paper scissors."

After Messing With Gai for 50 minutes…

"So that's how it ended, huh?" Genma asked his buddy, who was working on his 15th bottle of sake.

Kakashi nodded and gulped it down. "That's how it ended. I was winning and he started making more and more threats until I nearly went deaf."

"You poor, guy, for some reason, he likes bothering you out of all of us." Genma said, taking a quick gulp of his third glass of sake. "Have you tried any of that new Gai Repellant?"

Kakashi shook his head. "No, but I should start."

"I figured _you_ of all people would have bought Gai Repellant. It works like a charm. It's only 7 yen a bottle." Genma said. "He seems to bother you the most, so I figured you'd be the first one to get it."

Kakashi raised his eyebrow. "But are you absolutely positive that it works?" He didn't want to spend his hard earned 7 yen on a half efficient product.

Genma nodded. "Yeah, it works."

That was all the persuasion Kakashi needed to get up and go to the marketplace.

The Store… (Kakashi politely asked me not to disclose the details of where he shops. He likes to have _some _privacy, you know)…

There was an entire isle dedicated to different color of Gai Repellant.

_Now why the hell didn't I see all of that before_? He thought to himself. He rubbed his chin and browsed the isle.

There were many types of Gai Repellant, but Kakashi found the one that fitted his needs. The bottle was red and rated the most effective. It was considerably more expensive, but not expensive enough to put a dent in his wallet.

As he was paying for his purchase, a few women kept staring intently at his butt. (Then again, who wouldn't?)

Luckily, the person ringing up his purchase was a female, so he got a discount because of his incredibly good looks. (Which he still wore his mask to prevent himself from getting raped…again.)

As he walked out of the store, he read the back of the bottle and grinned. He couldn't wait to test it out.

Coincidentally, Kakashi happened to pass Kurenai's Bar and Gai happened to be chastising her about how bad of an influence Kakashi was to young people.

He swore he could hear Kurenai say, "There he is, why don't you go tell him about how his evil, maniacal, atrocious, awful, smut reading ways are polluting the youth."

"I think I will!" Gai exclaimed, scaring everyone who was around. He stormed towards Kakashi, who was, for once, anxiously awaiting Gai to get close enough so he could use his Gai Repellent.

Before Gai could say 'rival', Kakashi sprayed Gai's face, making him gag.

"This isn't over!" Gai said between coughs, and ran off.

Satisfied with the results, he smiled under his mask and started on his way home. _Now they need to come up with Naruto Repellent_, he thought blissfully.


	29. Pakkun

Chapter 29- Pakkun

After that incident with Gai, Kakashi decided he'd stop by Anko and Iruka's home and check on her progress with her next novel. He had to make sure he wasn't slandered or libeled in any way.

He knew how women were. They naturally liked to "change things around" to fit their own perverse needs.

Anyways, he went to Anko's and found her "neatly" stacking hundreds of papers into two stacks of fifty.

"Is it finished yet?" He asked anxiously.

"No, I'm not finished, Kakashi. I still have 5,686 pages to go." She replied, looking at her perfectly neat stack.

"5,686…what the heck? You turning this into a bible or something!" If a book was going to more than 5,000 pages long, the possibility of there being a sequel was relatively slim. "So, no sequel, right?" Kakashi gave a disappointed sigh.

Anko scratched her head. "It all depends on how well it sells and if I get any death threats."

That was a reasonable excuse…right?

At Kurenai's Bar…

Pakkun was loitering around the place for no other reason than boredom.

He was going to order some food, but Kurenai didn't make dog food.

The pug decided to question her about her biasness.

"Why aren't you selling Kibbles n' Bits, Kurenai?" Pakkun asked her.

"Because I don't get many animal customers," she replied. "But just in case you happened to show up," she picked up a bag of Kibbles n' Bits and poured him a bowl. "I kept this in case."

Pakkun drooled over it before asking, "How much will I have to pay for this?"

"Since you're Kakashi's dog…I guess it's free."

"Why can't it be because I'm a good ninja dog? Why does it have to be because I'm _Kakashi's_ dog?" He sulked.

Kurenai laughed. "You should be happy to be Kakashi's dog. He's a very good guy."

Pakkun sighed. "I guess…but _you_ only say that because you're a _female_. If you were a man or a dog, he wouldn't be such a good guy."

"And _you're_ just saying that because you're _jealous_." She retorted, giving him that 'say-one-more-bad-thing-about-Kakashi-and-I'll-personally-kick-your-ass' type of look.

Pakkun was a pretty intelligent dog, so he got the picture.

Tsunade's Office…

Tsunade was alternating between filing her papers and reading Konoha's Playgirl Magazine. Well, she wasn't exactly reading it, more like looking at the pictures. She had never been a pervert, but after fifty plus years around Jiraiya, it had finally rubbed off on her.

Shizune was slightly disgusted at Tsunade's new habit, but decided not to make too big of a fuss about it. Instead, she made sure Tonton was properly fed and anything else that needed to be done.

"Shizune, do you think you could get a picture of Kakashi naked?" Tsunade asked suddenly.

"N-no! Why in the world would you want to violate Kakashi-san's privacy!" Shizune asked angrily. "And don't ask me to get a picture of Yamato naked, either!"

Tsunade sighed. "Then what in the world are you good for?"

The realization that there would be other women willing to be sneaking around a hot jounin's home, wait for him to get naked, and then take a picture of him, came to Tsunade's mind. If Shizune didn't want to take pictures of hot jounins, then she'd just have to find someone else who would.

"Shizune, get the entire village of females in here."

Shizune cocked an eyebrow. "Uh-oh, don't tell me you're going to—"

Tsunade frowned. "_Now_." She emphasized.

Shizune gave Tsunade a 'this-is-messed-up' type of look before she left. She didn't care how good looking Kakashi was, she'd never take a picture of him buck naked. But the thought had crossed her mind once…

"Shizune!" Tsunade snapped.

"Fine." Shizune muttered before leaving.

Kurenai's Food Bar…

Pakkun was taking full advantage of his free meal. Whatever doggie food he ordered was free because he was "Kakashi's dog".

Once he was stuffed full of food, he burped and contemplated going to the bathroom.

"Yo," Kakashi took a seat beside Pakkun.

Pakkun gave him a look. "Hi, Kakashi…can you believe Kurenai lets me get free meals because I'm Kakashi's dog? Why can't it be because I'm adorable? Or because I have a good personality?" He complained.

"What's wrong with being my dog?" Kakashi asked, being slightly affronted.

"Lots of things." Pakkun retorted.

Kakashi grinned. "But at least the food's free, right?"

"Whatever." He burped again and sighed.

"I'm sorry you had to put up with him, Kurenai-chan. He gets ill when people address him as 'Kakashi's best friend' or 'Kakashi's dog'."

"I can tell. Is there something you came here for in particular?" She asked him.

Kakashi shook his head. "Besides you, no."

Pakkun was still sitting there, listening to their "stupid human" flirting. It annoyed the heck out of him how they could be so inconsiderate. They were flirting in a _public_ place and it was considered _impolite_. Then again, Kakashi was a _pervert_; of course he didn't care about showing public displays of affection.

Before Kakashi could say something completely off-the-wall, Pakkun interrupted. "When are you two freaks getting married?"

Not expecting that question, Kakashi sweatdropped. "Oh…uh…that…well, you see, I was just trying to wait for the right time, you know. So it'd be…uh…romantic."

Pakkun gave him a flat look. "You…_forgot_…"

"No, no!" He insisted. "I didn't forget, I was just waiting a littler longer so—"

"Whatever, Kakashi! Go ahead and admit it, you forgot all about getting married to Kurenai-chan!" Pakkun squabbled, doing his best to get on Kakashi's nerves. "If you won't propose to her, I will."

"But you're a dog…"

"And?"

There was a considerable amount of silence, before Kurenai started laughing at the two. This, however, upset Pakkun.

"You can't stand there and laugh! He practically forgot about proposing to you!"

Kakashi sighed. "It's not true, Kurenai-chan, I didn't forget."

She gave him a reassuring smile. "I know."

Kakashi was a bit surprised. He would expect Kurenai to beat him up and demand a proposal, but, he just remembered she wasn't on her period... Lucky him.

Pakkun wasn't too happy that Kurenai had sided with his best friend, but he let it slide. It's not like he could have done much anyway. What was he gonna do? Bite her? Then he'd get his ass kicked. Well, he could always file for animal abuse…

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto screamed, nearly scaring the hell out of Pakkun and Kakashi. "What are you doing, sensei!"

"Nothing, Naruto, just…sitting here. Did you need something?" Kakashi asked.

"Yeah. I need you to hurry up and propose to Kurenai-chan so me and Hinata can get married too!"

Kakashi seemed a bit offended. "Hey…you can't _rush_ these types of things."

"You sure as hell can't take a lifetime either." Pakkun mumbled. By the time Kakashi and Kurenai finally got married, Pakkun would probably be dead and gone. Well, that's how Pakkun saw it.


	30. Bar Brawl

Chapter 30- Bar Brawl

Pakkun sighed and decided he'd leave the two lovebirds. Naruto's unrelenting shouting was starting to bother him.

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei, Tsunade already explained to me how babies are made, but I—"

"But you still don't get it, eh?" Kakashi sighed and started thinking how he could explain this to Naruto in a simple, yet detailed way. "Well, what exactly did Tsunade-sama tell you?"

Naruto scratched his head. "Well, she said something about men sticking their parts into a woman's buttocks and…"

"Did she mention anything about moaning and groaning, or some sort of strange sounds?" Kakashi asked.

"Yeah, I think she did say something like that." Naruto replied.

"Kakashi, I really think you should let him find out on his own…" Kurenai said softly.

"You know Naruto's perception and understanding is a bit…_off_. Knowing him, he'd probably _never_ figure it out without someone telling him…" Kakashi protested. "Besides, it's about time he learns this stuff. He's going to be marrying Hinata soon, and she might want kids…"

"Hey, what do you mean my perception and understanding is a bit off!" Naruto asked, sounding offended.

"I meant exactly what I said." Kakashi sighed. "Okay, anyway, babies are made when you, or any other man for that matter, takes their—"

Kurenai nudged him. "You aren't really going to tell him here, in front of my customers?"

Kakashi looked around, saw the heavy crowd and decided she was right. "Okay…maybe I'll tell you later, Naruto."

Naruto was obviously disappointed. "Okay…but you'd better not be lying, Kakashi-sensei."

Kakashi nodded.

Kurenai attempted to refrain herself from trying to talk Naruto out of wanting to know about the _big_ s-e-x. Sure, he was considerably older, but he was still young.

Kakashi noticed Kurenai's lack of enthusiasm about the subject, so he decided to start talking about something else. "Hey, Kurenai-chan, if you're not busy later tonight, how would you like to accompany me to the bar?"

Naruto jumped up excitedly. "Ooooh! Can I come!" He asked.

"Well, actually, I—" Kakashi was going to tell him he was too young to go to bars, but Maito Gai beat him to it.

"Naruto-san, enjoy your youthfulness while you can. Growing up is not all it's cracked up to be." Gai explains out of nowhere. "Ahh, how much I miss my youth."

Kakashi mentally cursed himself for not bringing his Gai Repellent.

"But, Gai-sensei, when can I stop worrying about my youthfulness and grow up? I wanna be a grown up like Iruka-sensei and Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto said, with somewhat pleading eyes.

Kakashi sighed. Naruto just _had _to go and get Gai started…

"You should always be concerned with your youthfulness! Even when you're going in to old age. Youthfulness is the most important thing for a shinobi." Gai explained.

"We can go now, Kaka-kun." Kurenai told Kakashi in the lowest voice she could make.

Apparently, she had finished putting everything up. She put the 'closed' sign on the front, and waited for Kakashi.

She didn't have to wait long, as he hurriedly snuck away from Naruto and Gai's talk of youthfulness, and followed Kurenai to the bar.

I was the typical bar scene. Grown men and women gathered in one place to take away the day's stresses and just relax. Not to mention, getting into fights…

Kakashi had found them a table, sat his nice ass down and sighed.

Before Kakashi could say, "You look beautiful today, Kurenai-chan.", some big, bald oaf came strutting over to their table.

"Hey, one eye," The idiot snorted. "I want that table you're sittin' at."

Being the gentleman he was, Kakashi kept his cool. "I'm sorry; sir, but my lady and I were here first."

The nice guy act didn't sit too well with the big guy, and he started getting loud. "Get up, one eye." The whole Bar could smell the alcohol in his breath.

"But there are plenty of other tables over there." Kakashi pointed to another side of the bar, that wasn't overly populated.

"I want _this_ table." The big guy pressed.

"But you're not getting this table." Kakashi told him while looking through the menu. It was getting frustrating, but he still kept his cool. (I don't know how)

The oaf was "smart" enough to snatch the menu away from Kakashi and got in his face. "I'm givin' you five seconds, one eye."

Kakashi chuckled. "You sure are a resilient one, aren't you?"

"I'm gonna start countin'…One…"

Kakashi pointed to the guy. "Hey look, Kurenai-chan, he can count." He said, sending a bit of laughter throughout the Bar. "Let's see if he can get to five."

"…Two…three…four…five!" The big guy balled his fist up and was going to attempt to punch Kakashi, but before he could, Kurenai grabbed him by the back of his shirt, and threw him all the way across the Bar and through the wall.

Kakashi gave her a disappointed look. "Aww, c'mon, Kurenai, I was gonna take care of him after a little while." He said.

"Kakashi, his breath _reeks_. Did you really want to sit there and smell that…_smell_?" She shook her head. "I'm going to go wash my hands."

"Okay." Kakashi could easily see why she wanted to wash her hands after touching that guy. He did reek of alcohol, and that wasn't the only smell radiating off the guy. It was like a mix of doo-doo, sake, rat poison and dog breath.

Like any good man, he waited for Kurenai to come back, and smiled. (Not that she could see it of course).

She somehow sensed his smile, and gave him one.

"Anyways, that was quiet a nice throw. Can you teach me how to do that?"

She shrugged. "Maybe. But what were you going to do to him?" She asked, referring to the unconscious idiot.

"Well, I was going to wait for him to try to attack me, disappear, and then reappear on top of his head. Pretty smooth, eh?"

She nodded.

Kakashi was going to tell her that she looked beautiful, but out of nowhere, Rin put her hand on his shoulder.

"Hi, Kakashi-kun! Did you come here to get raped? Again?" She asked.

Kakashi tried to play it off. "Heh heh …not really." He kept staring at the expression on Kurenai's face. It was still normal.

Then Rin pulled down his mask and gave him a kiss. "I don't know why you wear that thing, it's not like you're ugly."

"Uh…yeah." He glanced at Kurenai, expecting her to beat Rin to a pulp, but she didn't. She hardly looked angry at all.

"Let me know when you're not busy, and maybe we can have sex." Rin told him.

Kakashi fake chuckled. "You should you really stop making jokes like that in front of Kurenai-chan."

"I wasn't joking," Rin told him with a smile. "Anyway, I'll see you later." She said and walked off.

Kakashi was relieved. "What was that all about?" Kurenai asked him, her voice calm.

"Oh, uh, I don't know. She's just some crazed fan girl, I guess."

"Who was she?"

"…Kurenai, it's not what you think, I never—"

"Don't worry, I'm not accusing you of anything, Kaka-kun, I just wanted to know who she was."

"Are you going to kick her ass?"

Kurenai laughed. "No, but if she keeps kissing you like that…"

Kakashi scratched his head. "Hopefully _that_ won't happen again…"

Hinata had tapped Kurenai on the shoulder. Kakashi hadn't even noticed her she was so quiet.

"Umm, Kurenai-sensei…" She began.

"Hm?"

Before Hinata could get the words out of her mouth, a man out from outside screamed, "Hey, this woman is pregnant!"

Assuming he meant Rin, Kakashi instinctively jumped up from his chair with his hands up. "The baby ain't mine!"

When he realized it was some other woman who was…_big boned_…he immediately felt relief and sat back down.

Kurenai looked at him funny, but decided not to say anything. Instead, she turned her attention back to Hinata.


	31. Cold Feet

Chapter 31- Cold Feet

Hinata fiddled with her fingers as she captured her sensei's attention.

'What were you saying?" Kurenai asked.

"If you weren't busy, I wanted to talk to you…" Hinata replied softly.

Kurenai gave her a friendly, almost motherly smile. "Alright, but—"

"But I don't want to interrupt your date with Mr. Kakashi." She hurriedly explained, saying it all in such a rush, you could hardly understand what she said. "I mean, I don't want to interrupt your date with Mr. Kakashi." She said again, this time more slowly.

"_Date_?" Kurenai seemed surprised by the word. "Oh, this isn't a date, it's just…" Her voice trailed off.

Hinata nodded. "Oh…well, when you're not busy, I'd like to speak with you."

"Okay," She looked at Kakashi. "You don't mind if I cut this short, my student needs to speak with me."

"Oh, sure, go on ahead." He said. Kurenai was a better person than he was. If Naruto or Sakura had come to him with something "urgent", he'd tell them to bug off and wait till his "date" was over.

Kurenai gave him a kiss on the cheek and walked of with Hinata.

Kakashi sighed. He was contemplating proposing to her, but he just couldn't find the right time. He surely wasn't going to propose to her in a bar.

He sighed again. He was _supposed_ to be a _genius_, yet he couldn't even think of a good place to propose to a woman he was in love with.

Yep, Kakashi Hatake makes a lot of sense.

Tsunade spent two hours giving six girls a "briefing" about their new job. She had employed them to stalk the hottest jounins in Konoha, and then take a picture of them naked.

Shizune was utterly disgusted by the mere concept of it all, but Tsunade had insisted that it was important for the sake of Playgirl Magazine.

"…And of course, you will be paid if you get a good shot. I don't know how much the editors at Playgirl will offer you, but I'm pretty sure it'll be hefty," Tsunade told them. "Since Kakashi is the hottest man in Konoha, the first female to get a picture of him naked, I guarantee you you will be paid somewhere in the _millions_ for the photograph. If you have to, make doubles and keep one for yourself, too."

Shizune shook her head. If Kurenai found out some lady was stalking Kakashi and taking pictures of him buck naked, she'd probably kick her ass. Shizune didn't care though, it's not like she had anything to do with it. This is _Tsunade's_ plan, not hers.

"Do _not _engage the enemy," Tsunade was telling them. "Kakashi and the rest of the sexy jounins are _smart_. They'll know something's up if you keep running into them. Do _not_ let them see you. It shouldn't be too hard, but good luck."

The women were given cameras, and they set out to find the unlucky jounins. (The incredibly hot ones such as Kakashi, Genma, Kotetsu, Izumo…)

Shizune decides once again, to voice her concerns over what Tsunade is doing. "Tsunade-sama, don't you think you're abusing your power as Hokage? " Shizune asks.

Tsunade shook her head. "Not at all." She replied, nonchalantly. "If it bothers you so much, Shizune, why don't you—"

Un-expectantly, Yamato came in. He had just gotten back from his escort mission, and was about to receive his pay, when Shizune tackled him.

"Yamato-kun! You're back…" She said happily. "I missed you."

He laughed softly to himself. "It's nice to see you, too."

Tsunade cleared her throat, getting their attention. "Did you come here to get your money, or to get raped by Shizune-chan?" She asked Yamato.

He shrugged. "I suppose I can't have both, huh."

Shizune got off of him and he collected his paycheck.

Kakashi came in at the moment. He walked over to Tsunade's desk, and noticed the Playgirl Magazine on her desk.

He shook his head. "And you women fuss at us men for being perverts." He said. "Look, Tsunade-sama, I need a favor from you," Then he noticed Yamato. "Oh, never mind, Yamato-san can help me with it."

Tsunade arched an eyebrow. "Does it have something to do with Kurenai?"

Kakashi scratched his head. "Oh…uh…not really." He lied.

"What is it, Kakashi-san?" Yamato asked.

"It's uh…I'll tell you over a few hundred glass of sake…" He told him.

"Can I bring Shizune-chan?" Yamato asked.

Kakashi shrugged. "Sure."

20 Minutes Later….

Kakashi was back at the bar working on his 13th glass of sake. "And that's how it is. I can't think of a good time to propose to Kurenai-chan."

"I don't know, Kakashi," Yamato told him. "I'm not very good at this stuff, either."

Kakashi sighed. "Aw, c'mon. If you were going to marry Shizune, when would you propose to her?"

Shizune blushed and answered the question for Yamato. "Well, I'm sure if he was going to propose to me, he'd do it at a time that's romantic." She tried to think of a better way to describe it. "Like, when you and Kurenai-chan are in the _mood_ that might be a good time to propose to her."

"Oh, I see. But what if we're both in the mood and someone interrupts?" Kakashi asks.

"Well, I guess you'll have to wait for another intimate time."

"But what if we keep getting interrupted and I never find the right time—"

"You're worrying too much, Kakashi-san. I don't know much about this stuff, but it can't be too hard." Yamato said trying to calm down a now frantic Kakashi.

After demolishing 7 more glasses of sake, Kakashi sighed. "When Kurenai-chan and I get married, do I have sex with her during the honeymoon, or after?"

Shizune laughed. "That's entirely up to you two."

Kakashi took out the box he had in his pocket and opened it. "Do you think this is good enough for her?" He asked.

"Kakashi!" Shizune gasped. "That ring is beautiful! I'm sure Kurenai-chan would love it. And if she doesn't, I'll take it."

Kakashi closed the box and put it back in his pocket. "I've been carrying it around for three months."

"Aww, that's sweet. Carrying around a ring for three months and still not proposing…I hate to say it, Kakashi-san, but you must be commitment-phobic." Shizune told him.

"I was afraid that's what the problem was." Kakashi sighed. "Thing is, I kind of enjoyed being single…and I'm content with Kurenai-chan just being my girlfriend…and marriage is a big step, and—"

"Don't tell me you're getting cold feet," Shizune's eyes were wide. "All of that money your spent on that beautiful ring, you'd better propose to her."

Kakashi chuckled. He sort of neglected to tell her that he didn't have to pay for the ring at all since he gave the jeweler a strip tease… "Yeah, yeah, you've got a point."

At Anko (and Iruka's) Home…

"And that's it." Kurenai told Anko, who was sitting at a desk and writing.

"So, you're telling me that you think Kakashi's getting cold feet?"

Kurenai nodded. "Yes. "

"Maybe he's just trying to make sure you're '_the one_' before he goes through and marries you." Anko suggested. "You know how it is in the books."

Kurenai sighed. "It's a lot less complicated in the books."

Anko shook her head. "It depends on what books you read."

"What do you mean?"

"Let's see, if you read the pornographic books like mine, they tend to be a little less complicated. But those normal everyday romantic books make love seem complicated and somewhat…cheesy." Anko annotated. "My book, _Me and Iruka's Great Ass Sex_, is one of those pornographic books that make relationships seem easy."

Kurenai shook her head. "I can't believe you still write that kind of stuff."

"Did you forget your future husband used to read Jiraiya's nasty Icha Icha Paradise books?" Anko asked.

"Yeah, but he _stopped_."

"He's still a pervert, though."

Kurenai gave her that 'don't-go-there' look. "He _was_ a pervert."

"He still is," Anko replied. "I bet you, if _you_ bent over in front of him, _he'd_ look. In fact, if _he_ bent over, _you'd_ look."

Kurenai turned red, but made no attempt to deny anything Anko said. If Kakashi bent over, wouldn't you look? (Unless you're a guy).


	32. Asuma Sarutobi

Chapter 32- Asuma Sarutobi

The next day Kakashi was enjoying the feeling of his nice warm bed before a loud banging woke him up. He tossed, turned and mumbled, but the banging didn't go away.

Kakashi rolled his nice ass out of bed and went to answer his door.

He opened the door. "Oh, hey, Kurenai-chan. What brings you here this early in the morning?"

After examining her face, he could tell she had previously been crying. The redness in her eyes, make her look a bit freaky. But freaky in a sexy sort of way. (Or so Kakashi thinks).

"What's wrong?" He asks.

"Asuma's dead." She said, attempting not to cry, and failing miserably.

Kakashi gave her a disbelieving look. Asuma… Dead? Maybe this was some crazy dream where all he had to do was pinch himself and wake the hell up. He pinched himself, and nothing happened. It _was_ real then. Kurenai standing at his doorstep crying was real, Asuma being dead was real, him standing here looking stupid was real…

He took Kurenai and hugged her. "I'm sorry, Kurenai-chan." Once he had gotten her inside and seated, she began to explain to him what happened.

"I was going to the hospital for the usual checkup, when I notice Asuma in the other room. I went inside and some doctors were trying to resuscitate him, but…" She choked. "And I asked them what had happened, and they said he had gone on a mission and…"

Kakashi handed her a cup of coffee. "I'm sorry, Kurenai-chan." He was going to say: "That's how it is, we ninja risk our lives everyday and sometimes we don't make it back home alive", but he knew it definitely wouldn't make things any better.

Kurenai accepted the coffee, although still crying.

"Does his team know?" He asked.

"I-I think so. I wouldn't even have known if I didn't have to go to the hospital for a checkup."

Kakashi sighed. "Man, they must be devastated…once again; I'm sorry Kurenai-chan. I know he was a close friend of yours."

Kurenai nodded and drank her coffee.

_Well, that beats all chances of asking her to marry me anytime soon._ Kakashi thought. _And the usual Friday night out with the guys won't be the same without Asuma. I don't get to smell the awful scent of his distasteful cigarettes anymore_. Kakashi watched Kurenai cry and didn't like it. He hated seeing people cry, especially her. _I wonder if I died, would she—_

"Kakashi-kun."

"Yo."

"When you lose someone, how do you cope with it?" She asked him.

Let's see. When he lost Obito, how did he handle it? He blamed himself, he took up a handful of Obito's old traits, he never got over it, and he kept the memory fresh in his mind from that day forward. "I didn't cope with it too well at first. When I lost my father, I was a bit of a…asshole," He admitted. "I was pretty by the book and somewhat of a smartass. I was arrogant…but after Obito died, I loosened up a bit. I still never really got over it. I try to take my mind off of it."

"How should I deal with Asuma's death?"

"For one thing, cry. It's good to cry and get it out of your system. When you think about him, think about how great of a guy he was, and not about his death." Kakashi explained.

"Should I take up his old habits, too?" She asked.

Kakashi half smiled. "Unless you want a beard and to die of lung cancer, then no."

Kurenai returned his small smile and found herself on the couch, in his arms.

At A BBQ Restaurant…

Shikamaru, Ino and Chouji were eating at their favorite restaurant, but Shikamaru hadn't touched his food since it was first laid down in front of him.

Ino was eating rather slowly, but at least she was eating. "Come on, Shikamaru, eat s_omething_." She told him.

Shikamaru gave her that usual bored look and simply picked at the food in front of him. "Yeah, yeah…"

Even though he was mourning the loss of his sensei, it didn't stop him from demolishing his food. "She's right, Shikamaru. Even though Asuma-sensei's gone, we still have to eat, you know."

"Yeah, Shikamaru. If you don't start eating, I'll have to _manually_ shove the food down your throat." Ino threatened, in an attempt to lighten the very dark mood.

Shikamaru didn't really pay attention to what she was saying until she stood up and put a held a piece of BBQ on a fork in front of his face.

"Come on, Shika, open wide." She said, waving the BBQ in front of his face. "You know you want to eat it."

After five minutes of trying that, Ino began tickling him and shoved the BBQ in his mouth.

Shikamaru grumbled and chewed, while looking annoyed.

"See, Shika, that wasn't so bad." Ino told him, while sitting back in her seat and eating again.

Of course Shikamaru was still upset over Asuma's death (all of them were), she had tried to do everything she could to keep it off of her mind, (and her friends minds as well).

Asuma had been on some S-rank mission a few days ago, and they assumed he'd be back and he'd treat them to a buffet. Instead, they happen to stumble on some jounins carrying a body to the hospital that resembled Asuma.

They instantaneously followed them to the hospital and demanded to know what the heck was going on.

While all three of them were sad, Shikamaru was the most affected. He even took a drag on one of Asuma's cigarettes, only to choke, comment on the bad taste was and throw it away.

"I'm going to miss him, guys." Chouji said, breaking the long uncomfortable silence.

"We all are." Shikamaru said. "It won't be the same without him."

"I know." Ino supplemented. "Wasn't Kurenai-chan pretty close to Asuma-sensei? I wonder how she's dealing with it."

"Yeah, she was right there with us while he was dying." Chouji added.

Shikamaru stood up. "I don't want to talk about this anymore," He put his share of the bill on the table. "I'm…going home." He said, and left.

Back at Kakashi's House…

When Kakashi woke up, he found himself on the floor and Kurenai sleeping rather peacefully on his couch. He smiled in spite himself. _At least someone was sleeping comfortably._

She woke up almost as soon as he thought it. "Kakashi?" She asked sleepily, not noticing him on the floor.

"Yo."

She looked down at him. "How'd you get down there?"

"I kinda fell…"

"How long have I been sleep?" She asked.

Kakashi looked at his clock hanging on the wall. "Uh...25 minutes," He told her. "But you can feel free to sleep in my bed If you—"

"No, thanks."

Kakashi was about to ask why the hell not, but he remembered that she was upset from Asuma's death. Hell, now that he remembered, _he_ was still a bit upset about Asuma's death. "I'm sorry, Kurenai-chan, I forgot Asuma died." He said sheepishly.

She looked at him, offended. "How could you _forget_?"

He scratched his head. "Well, it's just…I'm not used to him being gone. Asuma being dead seems kinda…surreal. I still can't believe it."

Somewhat satisfied at his answer, Kurenai looked at the clock on the wall and determined she best get going. "I'm sorry if I disturbed your nap, Kaka-kun, it's just—"

"Oh, no, you didn't disturb me….I was going to get up anyway, you know." He fibbed. "You can stay here as long as you want."

"No, thank you, Kakashi. You look…tired." She neglected to say he looked "_hot_ and tired". Even though he had just woke up, he was still hot as hell. And she wasn't just thinking that because he was in his boxers and didn't have his mask on…

"No, really, you can stay if you want." Kakashi said, while yawning.

"Are you sure? You sound sleepy…"

"It's fine, really." He yawned again. "Besides, you know you want to stay here and look at my incredibly nice body." He joked.

She didn't mind staring at his body for another half an hour; it sure as hell would take her thoughts off of Asuma for a few minutes. "I don't know, Kakashi…you seem really sleepy…" _But he does have a nice body, and it doesn't look like he's going to put clothes on for another few hours._ "But wouldn't it bother you that I'm here, and you're only in your boxers?"

"Not really. I guess you've forgotten that we've already seen each other naked…_twice_, remember?" Kakashi asked.

Now that he mentioned it, she did remember. And she remembered she got the chance to see something most women would kill to see. "Yes, I remember, but…"

He yawned. "You can even join me for another nap." He suggested.

"Where at?" She asked him.

"The bed."

She raised an eyebrow. "I thought you didn't do that until you were married…"

"I said we could take a _nap_, not have _sex_…but if it bothers you, I'll take the couch."

"No, it's not that big of a deal, I just thought you meant you wanted to…"

Kakashi laughed. "Oh, no. I promise I won't rape you." He held his hands up innocently.

Convinced, she followed Kakashi to his room (which was surprisingly neat) and looked at his bed. It looked cozy. The only problem was getting in the bed, and not _raping_ Kakashi. It wouldn't be too hard. All she had to do was take his boxers off and…

Kakashi threw himself on the bed and waited for her. "I'll keep my hands to myself."

This could potentially be good for the both of them. It would take their minds off of Asuma, Kurenai could stare at Kakashi's face while he didn't have his mask on, and Kakashi could "accidentally" grope against her.

(((JBL NOTE: I'm sorry folks, but for those of you who don't know, I just gotta spoil it. Asuma actually dies in the manga. With me being a huge Kurenai fan, I'm going to hate to see the look on her face when they get back to the village and she finds out Asuma's dead…))))


	33. Painting Old Granny's Office

Chapter 33- Painting Old Granny's Office

Kakashi and Kurenai had been sleeping peacefully for a good hour and thirty minutes, before Naruto started banging on the door.

"Open up, Kakashi-sensei!!! Let's do a mission or something!!"

Kakashi groaned and looked at Kurenai, who hadn't budged. (Surprisingly, since Naruto has a big mouth)

He knew if he got up, he'd wake her up. But it was either he wake her up or Naruto's loud voice.

"C'mon, Kakashi-sensei!!! Open up!! Let's go on a mission, it's 11:02 in the morning!!!" Naruto yelled.

_Dammit, Naruto_… Kakashi shook his head and was somewhat disappointed in Naruto's timing.

That last tirade woke Kurenai up and she yawned. "What was that, Kaka-kun?" She asked drowsily.

Kakashi sat up and sighed. "It's Naruto…" He replied.

"Aren't you going to let him in?"

Kakashi gave her a pleaful look. "Do I have to?" He asked, childishly.

Kurenai nearly laughed. "It's up to you. I could see why you don't want to let him in, but I think he means well."

Kakashi sighed.

"C'mon, Kakashi-sensei!! I know you're in there!! And I bet you're in there raping Kurenai-sensei!!!"

"And after all this time, he _still_ thinks I'm _raping_ you." Kakashi muttered, and got up to go to the door.

He slightly opened the door.

"What do you want, Naruto?" He asked.

"Let's go on a mission, Kakashi-sensei! Please? Like we used to do three months ago!!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Look, Naruto, we don't need to go on missions, I'm not your teacher anymore."

"Yeah, well…maybe so, but you're still Kakashi-_sensei_." Naruto scratched his head. "But anyway, let's go on a mission!! If you're done raping Kurenai-chan, she can come too!!"

Kakashi sighed. "I don't know, Naruto. Maybe tomorrow…"

"Why not?"

"Because Kurenai's feeling a bit under the weather and I'm trying to cheer her up." He explained.

"Oh, really? What happened?"

Kakashi shook his head.

"Hey, Kurenai-chan!! Kakashi-sensei says you're not feeling too good, but maybe if you come on a mission with us, it'll make you feel better!!" Naruto yelled. "And why are you still in your boxers, Kakashi-sensei?"

"Because I was still sleepy before you came and _interrupted_."

Kurenai came to the door. "Did you call me?" She asked Naruto.

"Yeah, you wanna go on a mission with me and Kakashi-sensei?"

"What kind of mission?"

"Kakashi-sensei's favorite type of mission: D-rank mission picking up trash off the ground. So will you come with us?"

Kakashi looked at Kurenai.

"I…guess…if it doesn't bother you two." She looked at Kakashi. "Are you going to do this mission in his boxers?"

Kakashi scratched his butt. "Sure, I'll do it in my boxers, if it makes you feel better about…" His voice trailed off as he tried to avoid mentioning Asuma around Naruto. (Since he obviously didn't know).

"What is it, Kurenai-chan? Are you on your period or something?" Naruto asked her, which earned him a sharp look.

"No, Naruto, that's not it…she's just…not feeling well. It must've been the food she ate yesterday…" Kakashi lied.

Naruto grinned. "Oh! I understand now!! Well hurry up and take a bath, Kakashi-sensei, so we can go start our mission!!"

Kakashi looked at Kurenai. "You still want me to do it in my boxers?" He asked with the sexiest smile in the world.

"No, I don't want _you_ getting raped."

"As long as _you're_ the one raping me…" He said seductively.

Naruto raised his eyebrow. _Kakashi-sensei is a freak_… He pushed his sensei back into his house. "C'mon, Kakashi-sensei! Take a bath so we can all go on the mission!!"

Kakashi nearly fell on his butt. It was _way_ too early in the morning to be getting pushed…

After Taking a 25 Minutes Bath…

"Come on, Kakashi-sensei!! Hurry up!!" Naruto kept yelling. "How long does it take you to put on your mask!!?"

"Don't be so rude, Naruto." Kurenai told him.

"I'm sorry, Kurenai-chan, but…Kakashi-sensei's taking a long time and…"

"It's only been twenty-five minutes and besides, what kind of D-rank mission would be so great that you'd actually _want_ to do?"

"We get to clean old lady Tsunade's office!" Naruto replied excitedly. "We get to bug old granny for a mission! Isn't that great?!"

Kurenai sweatdropped. "Are you kidding me? You're actually excited about _that_?"

"Yep!" Naruto jumped up and down for five straight minutes until Kakashi-sensei got his clothes on and ready to go…

Tsunade's Office….

Tsunade was tapping her fingers on her desk reading about drugs in a page of Playgirl Magazine (Yes, they actually have articles like that…or close to it. And don't you dare ask me how I know….)

"Hey, Shizune, Yamato-san's in an anti-drug ad. It says: '_How would I ever explain to the Hokage that I didn't rescue my teammates because I was in the forest getting high_'." Tsunade laughed. "Nice huh? Yamato-san doing anti-drug ads telling folks not to do drugs…"

Shizune excitedly walked over to Tsunade's desk and peered at the ad in the magazine. "He's _shirtless_…"

"This is _Playgirl_ we're talking about. Even the men in the _ads_ are half naked." Tsunade said, staring at the ad. "If only they could've gotten him to take his pants off…"

Shizune frowned. "Tsunade-sama!"

At that moment, Kakashi, Kurenai and Naruto came in. Naruto a bit more elated than the other two.

"We're here, Tsunade-sama!!" Naruto exclaimed excitedly. "What do we clean first?! The floor, the walls, the furniture….?"

"_You_ could start by sweeping the floor." Tsunade pointed to the corner of the room. "The paint's over there, so feel free to get started."

"We're painting the whole room?" Kakashi asked.

"Yep, afraid so." Tsunade replied.

Naruto grabbed a broom and started sweeping. "Hey, Tsunade-sama, after I'm done sweeping and stuff, can I start painting?" He asked excitedly.

"Sure." She answered, without looking up at him.

Kakashi and Kurenai grabbed some of the loose furniture and moved it into the hallway. (Don't want to get paint on the furniture, do we?)

Naruto had the time of his life sweeping Tsunade's room. He acted as if it was the most fun he'd had in days.

Once he had finished sweeping, which was taking longer than Kakashi and Kurenai would have liked, they could finally start painting.

Kakashi handed Naruto a paintbrush. "You do know how to use it, right?" He asked him.

"Yeah, Kaka-sensei! I'm not _that _stupid!" Naruto proclaimed boldly, which made Kakashi sweatdrop. "Since we have to paint the whole room, can I paint the floor?!"

Kakashi shook his head. "Not yet, we have to paint the walls first. You don't want to be walking in wet paint, do you?"

"Okay…so which wall do I get to paint?" He asked.

"Which wall do you _want_ to paint?"

Naruto pointed to the wall closest to Tsunade. "I want the wall by old granny Tsunade."

Tsunade sent him a sharp look at the "old granny" part.

Tsunade watched Kakashi pour the paint into three buckets and masterfully stir the paint. She then imagined a 50 year old Kurenai telling a 49 year old Kakashi that the outside of their house needed repainting. She then had a swift image of Kakashi falling off a ladder and breaking his back. She shook herself out of it and tried not to laugh. It was cruel to laugh at a 49 year old man breaking his back, but still…_Kakashi_ falling off a ladder and breaking his back would be _humorous_.

By the time Tsunade was done snickering, Kakashi, Naruto and Kurenai had all began painting, each starting on a different wall. It reminded her that she had her own work to get to, and she started on a big pile of papers that needed filing before the day was done.

Four Hours Later…

While Kakashi was painting, the smell of the awful goo was starting to get to him, even through his ever trusty black mask. He glanced over at Naruto, who acted as if he was having the time of his life, and Kurenai…she just looked hungry; like she hadn't eaten in days.

Shizune had noticed, and asked Kakashi if he wanted to take a break and go get something to eat with Kurenai.

"Uh…I'm okay, it's just the paint is kind of…"

"Stinky!" Naruto shouted. "Why does it have that funny smell to it, Kakashi-sensei?!"

"Because it has things like petroleum, alcohols, distillate, ketones, esters and glycol." Kakashi explained, knowing full well Naruto didn't understand half of what he just said. "Mix that altogether and you get the odd smell you smell now."

"Oohhh…" Naruto said, as if intrigued. "I get it now." He half-lied. He looked pleadingly at Tsunade. "Can we take a break, Tsunade-sama?"

Tsunade shrugged. "Fine." She had put aside her Playgirl Magazine and started stamping documents and putting them in piles.

Kurenai sighed. "I'm starving." She emphasized.

"Let's eat ramen! Let's eat ramen!" Naruto screamed, putting his paintbrush down and running to his sensei.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow at Naruto's lack of thoughtfulness. "That's all well and good, Naruto, but you're supposed to ask the lady what she wants to eat." Kakashi corrected him.

"Sorry, Kakashi-sensei," Naruto looked at Kurenai. "What do you want to eat, Kurenai-sensei?"

Kurenai shrugged. "Ramen sounds good, I guess. Are you paying?" She asked Naruto.

"Umm…Kakashi-sensei says guys are supposed to pay for the lady, but since you're _his_ girlfriend, _he_ should pay.

Kakashi laughed and scratched his head. "Yeah, I did say that, right?" He slipped his arm around Kurenai's waist and brought her closer to him.

"Kakashi, can I talk with you for a minute?" Tsunade asked. "I'll make it quick."

Kurenai and Naruto walk out, waiting for him outside.

Once they leave, Tsunade starts.

"Kakashi, I appreciate what you're doing." she tells him.

"Oh, the painting? It's fine, I just—"

"No, I mean what you're doing for Kurenai-chan. Trying to take her mind off of Asuma's death. That's sweet." Tsunade said.

Kakashi scratched his head in embarrassment. "Oh, that…yeah, well, what's a good boyfriend for? After all, we will be married sooner or later."

"Speaking of getting married, when are you two getting married?"

"Hmmm, I was going to propose today, but Asuma-san died and it would be kind of insensitive to propose to her today."

"Hurry up and get married so I can pay for it. You know how hard it is not to spend all that money on gambling?"

Kakashi chuckled. "Well, I'll try." He waved and met up with Naruto and Kurenai outside of the Hokage's office.

"Did she beat you up, sensei?" Naruto asked.

"No, she just wanted to thank me for accepting the painting mission." He said, once again slipping his arm around Kurenai's waist and following Naruto to Ichiraku's Ramen Bar.


	34. The Big Debate

Chapter 34- The Big Debate

The whole way to Ichiraku's ramen Bar, Naruto had been a mile ahead of them, singing a new ramen song he had made up.

A mile behind Naruto, were Kakashi and Kurenai. You know how grownups are. They like to walk miles behind kids so they can carry on their little "intimate" conversations. "You know, Kurenai-chan, you're beautiful…" Kakashi cajoled.

_Somehow_, Naruto heard that. "Don't believe him, Kurenai-chan! Kakashi-sensei's just saying that because he wants to have—"

"Shut up, Naruto!" Kakashi yelled at him. He looked apologetically at Kurenai. "Sorry, you know Naruto…he's always trying to _accuse_ me of stuff…"

"You don't have to apologize. I know how crazy Naruto is. For some odd reason he thinks you're a rapist."

"Yeah, that's Naruto for you. " Kakashi said, trying to resist the urge to run up and strangle Naruto.

"But anyway, you said I was beautiful…do you mean it?"

"Of course. Why would I lie to you?" He asked. He wanted to say she was hot, but renounced because most women preferred to be described as _beautiful_ instead of _hot_.

"Oh really? And what about Ayame-chan? Or Shizune, or Tsunade-sama? Are they beautiful too?"

"Uh…yeah, in their own way, I guess."

"Oh? And what about Tsunade-sama?"

"Well, what about her? She's got a…uh…unusually big rack…but you're not bad either…uh, um…not that it matters though…"

Kurenai gave him a baleful look. "Oh really, Kakashi? So you're saying men don't really care about how big a woman's breasts are?"

"No…most men don't…_I_ don't. Most mature men like me don't care, but idiot perverts like _Jiraiya_—"

"'Idiot perverts like Jiraiya', eh, Kakashi? Is that how you talk about your favorite author of all time?" Jiraiya asked, scaring Kakashi silly.

"Where in the world did you come from?" Kakashi asked, but noticed they had just walked past a strip bar. "Never mind."

"I heard your conversation and I must say I disagree." The Sannin said.

"You heard our conversation? Geez, were we talking that loud?" Kakashi asked, scratching his head.

"I'm a _Sannin_, remember? But anyway, to answer your question, Kurenai-chan, yes, the size of a woman's titties matters. If a man tells you otherwise, he's lying."

Kakashi frowned at this statement. "Ah, c'mon, Jiraiya, that's simply not true…" Kakashi protested. "That's not true, Kurenai-chan."

"Yes it is!" Jiraiya exclaimed. He turned Kakashi and Kurenai around and shoved them in the strip bar. "You want to see the perfect female body?"

"Not really, no." Kurenai said, wanting desperately to get out of the place and go meet Naruto at Ichiraku's Ramen Bar.

Jiraiya pointed to a slim, but big breasted lady that was half naked and had the most superficial face one could ever see. "Now _that_ is a perfect body. I'd give it a perfect 10. Wouldn't you, Kakashi?"

"I think Kurenai-chan's body is better." He admitted. "Excuse us, Jiraiya, but we're not exactly into places like these."

They turned to leave, but Jiraiya stopped them. "Ah, Kakashi, what the hell has happened to you?! You're acting like a recovering porn addict!"

"Probably because I _am_ a recovering porn addict."

"But Kakashi, you used to be one of my most loyal fans!! Ever since you hooked up with Kurenai-chan, you've been—"

Kurenai gave him a keep-on-talking-and-you'll-get-your-ass-kicked' look.

"Will you ever go back to your smut loving self?" Jiraiya asked pleadingly.

"Nope, I've got Kurenai-chan; who needs your porno novels?" Kakashi said. "Anyway, Kurenai-chan and I will catch you later, Jiraiya." Kakashi took Kurenai's hand and walked out with her.

Jiraiya rushed out after them, and he continued his superficial "bigger is better" rant that _everybody_ knows is pure bull.

"It's true, though. Just look at Tsunade! She has the biggest titties in the village! That's the most attractive thing about a woman!" Jiraiya yelled, trying to get his frivolous point across.

"No, Kurenai-chan, don't listen to him. Big breasts are a nice asset, but it's not _mandatory_." Kakashi remonstrated. "Ask Kotetsu, or Yamato-san, they'll tell you the truth."

Ironically, Jiraiya saw Yamato and Kotetsu at a dumpling shop, and decided to drag them into the big debate.

The two were happily eating dumplings when Jiraiya stormed in followed by Kakashi and Kurenai.

"Please tell Kakashi that we men do care about how big a woman's breasts are! He thinks it doesn't matter, but it _does_! Doesn't it?!" He asked, earning himself odd looks from the two jounin.

"Actually, Jiraiya-sama, it doesn't matter. Not to us, anyway." Kotetsu answered.

"I agree. Shizune's breasts aren't big, but she's still beautiful." Yamato told him, which made Jiraiya want to pull his hair out.

"No! You're supposed to agree with me!!" Jiraiya griped. "What's wrong with you people?!"

"We have a little something called _modesty_." Yamato said.

"And class." Kotetsu added.

"What is this? 'Team up on Jiraiya day'?" Jiraiya complained. He sighed. "Fine, forget it."

"Looks like we win," Kakashi grinned. "Well, with that fact proven, I guess we can go join Naruto at Ichiraku's."

They turned around to leave, and saw a very stuffed and disappointed Naruto.

"What's taking you two so long?" He asked them sourly.

Kakashi laughed at how easily they had gotten distracted. "Oh, well, we stopped to talk to Jiraiya, and we lost track of time."

"Forget you two, I'm going back to old granny's place to start painting again." Naruto said, and walked off.

Kakashi scratched his head. "Ah, well, guess we'll have to make it up to him somehow."

"Sure, but let's worry about that _after_ we're done eating." Kurenai suggested.

"You still want ramen?" Kakashi asked her.

"Sure."


	35. Another Big Debate and Gai

Chapter 35- Another Big Debate & Gai

Kakashi and Kurenai were happily enjoying one another's company and eating ramen, when Kakashi decided to bring up the "Big Debate". Well, a different form of it.

"Hey, Kurenai-chan, since you know how we men feel about boobs, what exactly do you women think about our…uh…"

Kurenai nearly choked on her ramen. "What do you mean?"

"I mean…would you still love me even if I didn't have a big…well…"

Ayame couldn't help but catch that last part. She _pretended _she didn't hear anything while making more ramen.

Kurenai looked around at the other customers who "pretended" not to listen to their conversation. "Do you really think we should be having this conversation here?"

"I don't see why not." Kakashi retorted.

"I do. For one thing, we're in _public_."

"That didn't stop you from asking about big boobs earlier." He said. "Now, answer my question. What do you women think about our penises?"

Kurenai hit him in the shoulder. "Kakashi!"

Ayame, who was minding her own business, overheard the crazy question; and couldn't help but butt in.

"If you don't mind, Mr. Kakashi-san, I'd like to answer that question."

Kakashi shrugged. "Be my guest, since _Kurenai-chan_."

"Personally, I think penises that are _too_ big are scary."

"Oh? And how big is too big?"

"Umm…anything longer than 15 inches."

Kakashi looked down. "I'm only 13 inches…."

"Really? That's the same size Yamato-san is."

Kurenai and Kakashi turned around to see Shizune standing behind them with a perverse look on her face.

"Have you and Yamato-san had sex?" Kurenai asked her.

"Not yet…we haven't been dating that long." Shizune said. "But I saw him naked once, and I couldn't help but get a ruler and measure him."

Kakashi scratched his head. "Uh…I asked the simple question of 'what do women think about our penises' and somehow, _Yamato_ got into this."

"Usually, _modest_ women like Kurenai and I don't think about penises, but pervs like Anko—" Shizune began.

"What about 'pervs like Anko?'" Anko yelled, scaring them shitless.

"We were just saying how pervs like Anko think about the 'p' word 24/7." Shizune said.

Anko frowned. "No I don't! Maybe a little on the weekends 'cause of Iruka…"

"Kakashi wants to know what we females think about penises." Kurenai said.

"I think they're lovely. As long as the guy shaves his pubic hairs." Anko said. "Who'd want to have sex with a guy that has pubic hairs? What does he want _us_ to do? _Comb_ it and put it in a ponytail or something?" She ranted.

All the women at Ichiraku's Ramen Bar clapped. "Amen!" Some of them yelled.

Kakashi sweatdropped. "Uh…Shizune, what do _you_ think?"

"I don't think about it!" She proclaimed. "Unless…all of the jounins have a meeting and Yamato happens to have something sticking out of his pants." She admitted.

Kakashi shook his head. "Alright, how about this question: would you still love a guy even if his penis wasn't huge?"

Every woman besides Anko said yes.

_She's almost like Jiraiya_ Kakashi thought to himself. "Anko…you're officially crazy."

"Why? Cause I won't date a guy with a little penis?!" She said. "Oh yeah, I've got your book done. You're gonna love it!" Anko told Kakashi. "You have to read it, give it the 'o.k.' and I can send it to our publisher."

"A book…? What's it about?" Kurenai asked.

"Oh, uh…you'll have to wait and see." Kakashi said with a smile. He was cleverly thinking of a way to change the subject. Fortunately (or unfortunately ) Ebisu showed up.

"Hi, Kurenai-chan."

Kurenai gave him a suspicious look. "Uh-oh, you must want something." She told him.

"Actually, I was wondering if you wanted to dump Kakashi, and date me instead. Ebisu said pushing up his shades.

Kakashi started chuckling, and two seconds later, everyone else started laughing.

Ebisu frowned. "I'm _serious_!"

"Yeah, and that's what makes it so funny." Kurenai said. "I don't know who's worse. You or Gai, but at least Gai's not a pervert."

Ebisu sighed. "_Kakashi_'s a pervert! But nobody hates him! You women flock to him like he's some sort of god."

"Because Kakashi's a _modest_ pervert." Kurenai corrected him.

"So, he's still a _pervert_!!"

"But he doesn't look at women naked, he just reads perverted material. But he _stopped_, right Kakashi??" Kurenai said.

"Of course…um…well, I haven't relapsed _yet_…" He answered. The book that Anko had written was perverted, but he'd have to read it before she sent it out to their publisher.

Anko grabbed Ebisu by the ear and yanked him. "Look, Ebisu, if you really want to date somebody, _Tsunade-sama_ is single."

"I know, but she's past the child bearing age…but Kurenai-chan's 31 years old and she looks great." Ebisu explained. "And she's incredibly hot."

Kakashi sighed. "Ebisu, for a guy who peeps on women all the time, you should know better than to call them 'hot' to their face."

Ebisu raised his eyebrow. "Oh? What's wrong with that? It's a compliment."

"Most _classy_ woman like Kurenai-chan would rather be called beautiful."

Ebisu sighed. "You mean I'll be a 40 year old virgin?!"

"Unless you join Jiraiya at the strip bar down the street." Kakashi suggested.

Out of nowhere, Gai showed up. Kakashi nearly fell out of his chair at the sound of his name being yelled.

He covered his ears. "You're voice is just as ugly as your face." He felt around in his pockets. "Damn, I left the Gai Repellant at home." He muttered.

Kurenai lightly shoved Kakashi for his rancor. "Don't be so rude, Kaka-kun."

"But his _face_, Kurenai-chan…why don't you get on him about his face?" He asked childishly. "See, he's already scaring off half the customers."

Gai pointed his finger at Kakashi, who reacted as if he was being shot.

"Oh, Kurenai…he…he…pointed at me." He raised his hand to hic chest. "I think I'm gonna…die…I feel the Gai germs…everything's going black…"

Taking a bit too seriously, Ayame gasped and started screaming.

Anko, Shizune and Kurenai didn't know whether to fall on the ground and laugh, or tell Ayame that Kakashi was only kidding.

Anko choose to laugh while Kurenai and Shizune tried to explain that Kakashi was only joking.

"I'll get you one day, Kakashi!" Gai exclaimed.

"One day, I'll get you a face mask."

Kurenai gave him a 'be-nice-to-the-crazy-idiot' look.

Kakashi sighed. "You know, I've always been wondering if this would work on someone other than Naruto." He did a few fancy hand signs.

"You want to fight, my eternal rival?!" Gai shouted. "Let's take this somewhere where Kurenai-chan doesn't have to see you get beat—"

There was silence.

_Welcomed_ silence.

"What in the world did you just do to him?" Shizune asked.

"I call it the 'Shut the Hell Up' jutsu." He grinned. "He won't be able to talk for a good 20 minutes."

"How many times in a row will it work?" Anko asked.

"I don't know…"

Gai realized he couldn't talk, so he pointed at Kakashi and mouthed the words, "I'll get you one day" and disappeared.

Everyone sighed in relief.

"Thank you, Kakashi." Anko said. "I'm gonna go home to 'Ruka and have sex."

Kakashi nodded. "Have fun."

"I think I'm going to go find Yamato-san." Shizune said aptly. "Have you seen him lately?"

"Oh, yeah, Tenzo's with Kotetsu at the dumpling shop." Kakashi said. "Oh, and tell him I said hi and if he's not busy tomorrow, we can chill at the Hot Springs."

"Thank you, Kakashi-kun, I'll tell him what you said." Shizune nodded respectfully and left.

Kakashi was going to excuse himself to go take a tinkle, when Kurenai said: "To answer your question from 20 minutes ago, yes, I'd still love you even if you didn't have a big…" she pointed to the thing in between his legs.

By now, Kakashi had already forgotten his question. And she couldn't have answered his question when he _first_ asked it?

(((JBL NOTE: Remember back in Chapter 13 when I said I'd try to tone the sexual references down a bit….I LIED. Jiraiya talked me out of it.)))


	36. You're Back

Chapter 36- You're Back

At the Dumpling Shop…

Yamato was being prodded by Jiraiya about how "old fashioned" his views were. Yamato should've been smart enough to make up an excuse to leave like Kotetsu did.

"How can you say we don't judge women by their boob size?!" Jiraiya exclaimed.

Yamato shrugged. "Because we don't, really. You do because you're superficial and you can't see the important things in a relationship."

"Yamato-san!"

He noticed Shizune running to him. Good, it was a good excuse to get himself from this crazy conversation with Jiraiya.

"Hey, Shizune-chan."

As usual, she hugged him and damn near tacked him. "How are you?"

"I'm fine….and you?"

Jiraiya cleared his throat. "Look, since you two are getting all lovey-dovey, I think I'll just go back to the titty bar."

"Gross, Jiraiya…there's all types of whores with diseases over there." Shizune scolded him. "And knowing you, you probably _already_ have one by now."

"Hmph, no I don't, I'm a _virgin_." He pouted as he crossed his arms.

Both Shizune and Yamato sweatdropped.

Jiraiya + Virgin Lie. That's pretty much common knowledge.

"Ah, c'mon! Don't act like you've never had sex with some pretty girl before, Yamato." Jiraiya said, accusingly.

"I haven't."

"Oh? Not even with some hot broad you're supposed to be protecting on a mission?"

"Nope."

"How can you and Kakashi remain abstinent?!"

"Unlike you, ero-sannin, we think with our heads, not our libido."

"There's nothing wrong with sex! It's human nature!"

"Sure, there's nothing wrong with sex, but _mindless_ sex is a different story."

"Mindless sex."

"Going to strip bars and having sex with people you hardly even know."

Jiraiya fumed. "Well…I'd rather have mindless sex than be a grown virgin."

"And I'd rather be a virgin than sleeping with various women I don't know."

Realizing his verbal and moral defeat, Jiraiya backed down. "Damn you, Yamato and your 'sexually correct' ways."

Back to Ichiraku's Ramen Bar…

They had finished paying for their meals and they were now walking down the street, with Kurenai clinging to Kakashi's arm.

"Thank you, Kakashi-kun, for cheering me up." She told him.

"No problem, what's a boyfriend for?" It suddenly crossed his mind that this might actually be a good time to propose.

As soon as he was starting to wiggle his arm loose from Kurenai's grip, he was knocked over by Jiraiya, who was running (possibly faster than Sonic the Hedgehog) from Shizune.

He was so terrified that he didn't even look back.

_Ah, there goes the romantic mood_ Kakashi thought as he got up from the ground. He turned around to se who the woman Jiraiya was running from. Shizune was panting and waving her fist in the air. _Yep, the romantic mood is officially gone_…

"Are you okay, Kakashi?" Kurenai asked him.

"I'm okay. I think Jiraiya stepped on my butt…"

"I'll _massage_ it for you later…"

Kakashi nodded in agreement and watched Shizune continue to run after a long gone Jiraiya. She rounded the corner and was out of view.

Just then, Yamato, who was also out of breath, tapped Kakashi on the shoulder. "Have you seen Shizune-chan?" he asked.

"Yah, she went that way." Kakashi said as he pointed to the corner. "What did Jiraiya say to get her all wound up?"

"He made a stupid comment about her breasts."

"Figures." Kurenai muttered. Being outwardly perverted was always the cause of Jiraiya's trouble.

"I'd better catch her before she decides she wants to kill him." Yamato said before running off.

Kakashi looked at Kurenai and she looked at him.

5 Minutes Later…

Kakashi walked Kurenai to her home, and was _just about_ to propose to her when Hinata showed up.

"Um…Kurenai-sensei, I'd like to speak with you…if it's okay with Kakashi-sensei." She said shyly.

Kakashi gave her a reassuring smile. "Sure, go on ahead. I'll just go home and barricade my door shut so Gai can't unexpectedly show up."

"Be careful, Kakashi, and don't give Gai such a hard time, okay?" Kurenai gave him a hug.

"What?! Give _him_ a hard time? What about _me_? He's the one always stalking me." Kakashi whined. "I don't do anything to him, Kurenai-chan."

Kurenai sighed. "You're like a big child, Kaka-kun." She finally let go of him, gave him a wink and went inside her home with Hinata.

Kakashi couldn't even get a mile from Kurenai's house before he ran into Iruka.

"Hey, Kakashi-san, do you mind filling in for me tomorrow?" He asked.

"Fill in for you? You mean you want me to substitute for you at the Academy?"

Iruka nodded. "Yep…unless you and Kurenai-chan have something planned."

Kakashi scratched his head. Other than find the right time to propose to her without getting interrupted, he wasn't really busy. "Sure, I'll fill in for you, Iruka. Please tell me you have lesson plans this time."

Iruka chuckled. "Last time you subbed, I forgot to leave the lesson plans, and you did great."

Kakashi sighed. "Yeah, and everyone was getting me incredibly off topic."

Iruka laughed. "Don't sweat it, Kakashi; the kids thought you were awesome."

"Probably because I let them get away with stuff."

Iruka patted Kakashi on the back. "I really owe you for filling in for me on such short notice. Anyway, when are you and Kurenai-chan getting married?"

"I…uh…well…"

"Don't know yet, huh? Well, be sure to let me know. I guess I'll be seeing you around." Iruka grinned, and walked off.

The last thing Kakashi was expecting was to baby-sit brats at the Academy, but it wouldn't kill him just this once.

He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked to the bookstore.

He was contemplating on whether to pick up his porno habit again or to drop it for good. Jiraiya's sick novels had been pulled off the shelves (literally by Yamato) a while back.

When he entered the bookstore, the old man behind the desk immediately recognized him.

"I thought you knew that Jiraiya's novels were banned from Konoha's bookstores." He told him.

Kakashi grinned. "I know, and I'm not here for that."

The old man gave him an 'I-can't-believe-it' look. "You've got to be kidding me! You're not going to buy any…porn?"

"Nope. I've got a girlfriend now, so there's no need for porn anymore." Kakashi explained. "I was kind of wondering if you had any books about how to propose and how to be happily married."

The old man scratched his head. "You…certainly are an odd man, Mr. Kakashi…and yes, we do have some." He maneuvered over to the non-fiction part of the store and pointed to an entire row of proposal and marriage tip books.

"There you go, sir."

Kakashi scanned the rows of books and found a particularly interesting title. "_How to Propose and be Married to a Smoking Hot Kunoichi_". He opened the book and skimmed through some pages. The author went as far as to draw highly detailed pictures. He glanced at he author's name. _Masashi Kishimoto…hmm, the guy sounds familiar_…

"Seems informative enough. I think I'll take it." Kakashi said, pulling out some yen to pay for the book. He handed it to the old man. "Keep the change." He said as he walked out.

As soon as he exited the store, he was bumped into by Sakura.

"Excuse me, sensei, I didn't mean to run into you…literally." She apologized. "What are you up to, buying more porn? Does Kurenai-chan know?"

Kakashi chuckled. "Already accusing me of things, eh, Sakura?" I'm not reading porn, it's a self-help guide."

"For what, Kakashi-sensei?"

"Proposing."

"Aww," Sakura hugged him. "That's so sweet, Kakashi-sensei! I can't wait till you and Kurenai-chan get married!!"

"Uh…thanks, but what about Hinata and Naruto's wedding? Or have you forgotten about that?"

"I haven't forgotten. Hinata and I were just talking about it 10 minutes ago. She says Naruto's incredibly anxious and he can't wait. She also said that Naruto wanted to get married the same time you did, which is sweet."

Kakashi nodded. "Yep. Only problem about that is I'm not exactly rushing to get married, here." He started walking to his home, and Sakura followed.

"Kurenai-chan and Hinata are about to be happily married to the man of their dreams and I'm still single." She moaned.

He placed a hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry, Sakura. You're young, smart; beautiful…you have tour whole life ahead of you. Just keep training and live your life."

"Thank you, sensei, but do you think I'll ever get married?" She asked.

"With a forehead that big, I highly doubt it."

They both turned around quickly to see Sasuke with his hands in his pockets and a smug look on his face. Instead of his tasteless Orochimaru garments, he had reverted back to his black suit.

Despite his obvious joke, the look on his face was unsurprisingly serious.

"S-S-Sa…" Sakura stammered.

"_Sasuke_, you mean." He "corrected" her. "It's hard to believe you forgot my name."

Sakura stood there in bewilderment. "You're _back_."

"Yeah. I told you and the dobe I was coming back after I killed Itachi." He said.

"And did you?" Kakashi asked.

"Of course."

Sakura embraced Sasuke with a hard hug, and he winced. He didn't want to admit to her that it felt good, so he tried to pry himself from her grip. "Get off of me."

Sakura let go of him, and struck him right in the jaw. The impact of the blow made him fall on his ass. "That was for betraying Konoha and leaving us…for leaving _me_." She emphasized.

He rubbed his jaw, amazed at her newfound strength. "Yeah, yeah, I got what I wanted, Itachi and Orochimaru dead, but I'm back now, aren't I?"

With her amazing strength, Sakura secretly had a quick thought about _raping_ Sasuke, but it quickly came to pass when he got up from the ground.

"How about a quick sparring session? I'm curious as to how much you've actually grown." He told her.

Sakura's eyes widened. "Gladly, if you agree to go on a date with me." She grinned.

He cleared his throat. "Oh, well, never mind…" Sasuke quickly said, scratching the back of his neck.

"It's nice to know you're not so cold-hearted anymore." Sakura told him.

"Yeah, I actually had the chance to do some soul searching after killing the two ass-clowns. That's what took so long."

Kakashi had already read one chapter of his newly purchased book, before he decided to say anything. "How about coming over to my place and we can catch you up on all the latest Konoha gossip?" He offered.

Sasuke nodded. "Alright, sounds good to me."


	37. Sasuke

Chapter 37- Sasuke

10 Minutes Later at Kakashi's House…

"Hmph, so the dobe is finally getting married, huh?" Sasuke said, making his self comfortable on Kakashi's cozy couch. "I can't believe she didn't grow out of liking that idiot already. And _you're_ getting married to _Kurenai_? That's _funny_."

Kakashi raised his eyebrow. "Why is that so funny?" He asked.

"The last time I saw you, the last thing you were thinking about was some woman."

"She's not just 'some woman', I love her." He emphasized, and then nodded towards Sakura. "Don't _you_ love _Sakura_?" He teased.

Sasuke frowned. "Are you kidding me?"

Sakura didn't take too kindly to that 'are-you-nuts' look on his face. "What are you trying to say, Sasuke!?" She stood up and got in his face. (Even though she wasn't really mad)

Sasuke didn't say anything, which only frustrated her more.

Kakashi noticed this. _She gets more and more like Tsunade-sama everyday_ he thought. "Hey, Sasuke, does Naruto know you're back?"

Sasuke shook his head. "No, I managed to sneak into Konoha without being spotted by that dobe, can you believe that?"

"Maybe Naruto was at Hinata's house." Sasuke suggested. "But don't you want to see him?"

Sasuke sighed. "I'll see the dobe later. I don't feel like hearing his excessive screaming right now."

"I know what you mean," Kakashi agreed. "But he'd still be pretty happy to see you."

Sasuke nodded in agreement. "Hopefully, he won't punch me in the face." He said, giving Sakura a look.

She smiled innocently. "Whoops…"

Tsunade's Office…

Tsunade was handling her paperwork (for once), when Shizune exploded into her office.

"Tsunade-sama!" She exclaimed. "Guess what just happened!"

Tsunade sighed. "Was it something…unexpected?"

"Well…sort of."

"Did it have something to do with you and Yamato-san?"

"Yes."

"Let me guess, the two of you are getting married?" She assumed.

"Not quiet…but I wish."

"You two had sex last night."

"I really wish, but no."

"I give up."

"Anko agreed to write a book about me and Yamato-kun! Isn't that great!!?"

Tsunade rubbed her chin. "What type of book?" If it was one of Anko's usually porno type books, she'd definitely be buying it once it came out.

Shizune's smile faded. "Oh gosh…I forgot to ask…what type of books does she usually write?"

Tsunade almost didn't want to answer. She was a little afraid of what she'd say if she told her Anko was planning to write a "porno" based on her and Yamato.

So, Tsunade did the smart thing. "Oh, Anko primarily writes children's books." She replied.

Shizune frowned. "But I thought she wrote some pretty graphic books about her and Iruka having sex…"

Tsunade shook her head and continued her work.

Kakashi's House…

Sasuke and Sakura had left and Kakashi was still reading his book.

It was pretty informative. It suggested that he take Kurenai to some nice fancy restaurant and propose after they ate.

It didn't seem like a bad idea, but it was too _traditional_. He wanted to do something that was a bit more…unexpected and spontaneous.

He decided to drop it and think about it again tomorrow.

11:32 That Night…

Sakura had _finally_ gotten what she wanted. Sasuke was back!! (Yay!! I guess…) It was a long time coming.

He sat on the other side of her bed, half-naked and soaked in sweat.

"Don't tell anybody about this," He told her. "That means don't go bragging about this to Ino, got that?"

Sakura nodded. "Alright…I guess it would be kind of harsh telling Ino that you gave me an orgasm on your first day back." She smiled.

"Yeah, yeah, maybe now you'll quit nagging me."

"Are you kidding me? You mean the only reason we just had sex was so I would stop nagging you?!" Sakura fumed. (Well, kind of)

"Yeah, actually—" Sakura tackled him off the bed and on to the floor.

"Sasuke, you jerk!"

The sudden realization that she just called him a "jerk" hit him like of ton of bricks and he started to laugh.

Sakura was on top of him, about to hit him, until he started laughing. "Sasuke, you're…_laughing_."

"Yeah, and you called me a _jerk_." He said, laughing harder. "Since when did you build up enough guts to do that?" He asked.

She still couldn't get over the fact that Sasuke Uchiha was…_laughing_. "You're _laughing_…" She said again.

He immediately stopped. "And you won't tell anyone about that either." He threatened, in a serious tone, which instead, made Sakura laugh.


	38. Indecent Proposal

Chapter 38- Indecent Proposal

Kakashi woke up the next morning feeling great. He quickly got himself up and went to the spa to continue his ideas on how to propose to Kurenai.

He had agreed to meet Yamato at the Spa to relax and felt pretty confident that Kurenai would show up.

As he sat relaxed in the hot spring with Yamato, he kept contemplating on how to propose.

5 whole minutes of silence went by before Naruto burst in saying, "Guess what, sensei! Sasuke's back!"

Kakashi nodded. "I know, I saw him yesterday."

"What!?" Naruto frowned. "How come he came and saw you first?!"

Kakashi shrugged. "I don't know. It kind of looked liked he was searching for Sakura."

"Why? Does he like her or something?"

Again, Kakashi shrugged. "Who knows?"

Sakura's House…

Sasuke managed to roll himself out of bed (Sakura's bed) and slipped his clothes on.

He tried to be sneaky about it, you know, like in the movies, but unfortunately (or fortunately, whichever way you want to look at it) Sakura woke up.

"You have sex with me the _entire_ night and you still have enough energy to wake up and _attempt_ sneak out." She muttered sleepily. "Where are you going?"

"To get something to eat," He replied. "And don't dare say you can cook something, since we both know that's a lie."

_Well, at least he remembers I can't cook_….she thought. "Okay, then…can I come with you?"

"So, you can nag me while I'm eating? Forget it."

"If you won't let me come with you, I'll tell Ino how good in bed you were and then _she_ won't stop nagging you." Sakura blackmailed.

The last thing Sasuke wanted was Ino hounding him about why he had sex with Sakura and not her.

The Spa…

"Why didn't you tell me, Kaka-sensei!? I had to hear it from Tsunade-sama!" Naruto yelled.

Kakashi sighed. "It was too late at night and I was busy."

"Busy doing what? Raping Kurenai?"

"No, Naruto…she wasn't even at my house last night."

Bothering Kakashi was getting old, so he decided on going to find Sasuke.

When Naruto left, Kakashi breathed a sigh of relief.

"Kakashi-san, don't you get tired of giving that poor boy a hard time?" Yamato asked, quiet amused at their interaction.

"Not really. Giving Naruto a hard time brightens up my day." He smiled. "You're lucky you don't have students to teach. Especially loud mouths like Naruto."

Yamato laughed. "I guess so, but he seems like a good kid."

"He is," Kakashi admitted. "When he's not accusing me of rape."

Not too long afterwards, Kurenai came I with Shizune, who gave Kurenai a doubtful look.

"Are you sure it's safe to be in the _men's_ section?" Shizune asked.

"I didn't think it was such a good idea either, but Anko dragged me in anyway. There's a good side to it, you get to see our male counterparts naked." Kurenai explained, as she waved to Kakashi.

"Hey, Kurenai-chan," He noticed Shizune, but tried to avert his eyes from her. She was naked after all. "So, Yamato…" He stopped when he noticed his friend's nosebleed.

He tried to cover it up. "Sorry, it's just…I've never seen her naked before."

Kakashi laughed. "No need to apologize to me. It happened to me too the first time I saw Kurenai-chan naked."

As the two women approached them, Kurenai took her rightful place in Kakashi's lap—or, tried to.

"Kakashi…what is that?" She asked.

"Well, it's…my...uh…_private part_."

"Is it supposed to be sticking up like that?"

"Not normally, but…"

"Can you do something a about it?"

"Not really…it happens occasionally…it's completely involuntary." Kakashi was a bit amused by Kurenai's lack of knowledge about the opposite sex's genitals, but then again, it's not like she thinks about those types of things.

"So…can I sit in your lap without your private part sticking me in the butt?" She asked.

He smiled. "You might not want to try it now…it's kind of…hard."

"Could you explain please?" She asked.

He was beginning to wonder if Kurenai ever took any Sex Ed classes. "Well, my private part is…uh…well…erect."

"Okay….and what does that mean?"

"It means I'm…well…It means I'm sexually stimulated."

"And how can you make your _thing_ soft so I can sit in your lap?"

Kakashi scratched his head. "I don't know…"

So, Kurenai came to the conclusion that she was safer sitting beside Kakashi, instead of on him.

He cleared his throat and stood up. "There was something I wanted to ask you…will you marry me?"

She tried to look him in the face, but his 'very special 13 inch friend' was directly in her face. In the midst of starring at "it" she totally missed his question.

"Uh…Kurenai-chan?"

"Oh, what? You said you wanted to ask me something…"

Kakashi sighed, realizing the problem was his 13 inch private part in her face, he covered it up with his hands. "I asked you if you would marry me."

Her eyes lit up. "Are you serious?"

"Of course I'm serious… it's not everyday that I go asking beautiful, red-eyed jounins to marry me."

While still sitting down, she gave him a hug.

He nervously laughed and noticed Jiraiya looking at the two.

"Damn, Kakashi! I didn't think you liked that type of stuff." He said.

Kakashi gave him a confused look, until he noticed what it looked like. "Oh, no, Jiraiya, she isn't giving me a blowjob, she's just…uh…hugging me and grabbing my butt." He said, as if it made the situation look any better.

"Damn…you two should make a porno video…Kurenai-chan has some nice boobies…"

Kakashi ignored that last statement. "You didn't answer my question, Kurenai-chan, are you going to marry me?"

"Yes."

Again, Kakashi laughed. "Hey, Jiraiya, I'm getting _married_!"

"Nooooo!!! That means I'm losing my biggest Icha Icha fan!" Jiraiya cried. "But…congrads."

Kakashi wondered why Yamato and Shizune were so quiet and soon found out why.

They were making out and Kakashi smartly refrained from watching.

"Kakashi-kun, when are we getting married?" Kurenai asked.

Kakashi shrugged. "I don't know, but you might want to get up, I think I've got to pee."

Kurenai stood up, but immediately covered herself once she saw Jiraiya looking.

"You know, Kurenai _Hatake_, it does look like you were sucking his nuts right?" Jiraiya asked. "You know, from the side perspective…"

"Jiraiya, you perverted punk!!" She screamed, getting out of the hot spring and running after him.

Somehow, watching her chase after Jiraiya, reminded Kakashi he promised Iruka he'd substitute and teach his class. "Whoops…" He muttered.

Ichiraku's Ramen bar…

Sasuke and Sakura were eating out at Ichiraku's.

Sakura kept inching closer to Sasuke, who hardly noticed.

"You know, Sasuke-kun, it was nice of you to take me out for breakfast." She said.

Sasuke groaned. "I only did it so you would keep your mouth shut about…what happened."

Someone tapped him on the shoulder and he was just about to tell them to bug off, until the person spoke.

"Sasuke? Is it really you?"

Ino.

He decided to be sarcastic. "No, it isn't, it's—"

"It really is you, Sasuke!!" Ino hugged him from the back. "I missed you!" She noticed Sakura. "You're eating with _her_?"

Sasuke shrugged. "Yeah, so what? It's not like she can cook or anything."

Ino quit hugging him and frowned. "Are you two a couple now?"

Sasuke didn't say anything and Sakura wasn't about to miss the opportunity to rub it in Ino's face.

"Of course! Why do you think Sasuke-kun came all the way back to Konoha for?"

Ino laughed. "He doesn't want you and your big forehead!"

"And he doesn't want you either, little miss piggy!" Sakura yelled.

Normally, Sasuke would tune out the "silly little fan girls fussing over him", but this time for some reason, he found them to be amusing. He decided he'd play along and let them fuss.

"You know, Ino, when I came back, I didn't expect you to be so…_cute_." He teased.

Ino perked up and smiled. "Really, Sasuke?"

_No_, he though to himself.

"Sasuke, you jerk!" Sakura punched him in the side and sent him flying.

Ino stared at Sakura, and then the long trail of upturned dirt that Sasuke made. "Whoa…" She muttered. "Remind me not to ever steal your boyfriend…" She soon regained her composure. "Did you just call _my_ Sasuke a _jerk_?!"

Sakura's eyes widened. "Oh my gosh…I _did_…" _This is the second time too_.

Sasuke rubbed his sore ribs and looked at Sakura. _Damn, her strength is crazy….remind me not to do that again…_

The two women rushed over to him.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke…I didn't mean to…" Sakura apologized.

Ino scoffed. "Sasuke doesn't want you, all you'll do is _abuse_ him!"

"And you'd probably _rape_ him all day!" Sakura retorted.

"Rape him!? That's something _you'd_ do! You're the one with the scary strength!"

Sasuke listened to their bickering and how ironic it was. Sakura didn't exactly rape him last night. All she did was push him on her bed and asked him if he was still a virgin. That _somehow_ led him into taking their clothes off and fucking. He _accidentally_ told her he loved her and he _accidentally_ forgot to wear protection. He didn't care though. Even if she did get pregnant, he'd just marry her and raise their kid. _Whoa, marry her? What the hell am I thinking?! That lady must've put something in my ramen…_ Sasuke thought.

The Ninja Academy…

A classroom full of students were dead quiet for once. "Where's Iruka-sensei?" One kid asked.

He didn't get a answer from his fellow classmates, but from Kakashi walking through the door, hand in hand with Kurenai.

"Yo, class. Iruka-san won't be here to day, so I'll be substituting."

The class all looked at each other and cheered.

"Yay!! Kakashi-sensei's going to teach us!!!"

Kakashi sweatdropped. _Uh-oh…_


	39. Sasuke, You Jerk

Chapter 39- Sasuke, You Jerk

Kakashi could look at the kids and tell they wouldn't get their work done. Why did he even bother substituting for Iruka? Every time he did, he always ended up teaching them something that either wasn't on the lesson plan, or had nothing to do with being a ninja.

What made it worse, was that _Kurenai_ was there with him, and the kids tended to ask somewhat…personal questions.

Class hadn't even officially started yet; and a snobby looking kid had raised his hand. "Uh, Mr. Kakashi-sensei, can I ask Kurenai-chan a question?"

"Nope." Kakashi said, taking a seat in Iruka's comfy "teachers chair". "She doesn't have anything to do with class."

"But why can't Kurenai-chan teach class? She's beautiful, and it'd be cooler listening to her teach instead of you." The kid protested.

Kakashi sighed. "Alright, kid, have it your way." He got up from Iruka's chair and motioned for Kurenai to sit down. "Kurenai-chan will teach class today since she's 'beautiful and it'd be cooler hearing her voice'." He says, folding his arms and leaning against the wall.

"Are you sure?" Kurenai asks before hesitantly sitting down in Iruka's chair. Kakashi gives her a soft nod before she faces the class. "Hi class, today we'll be talking about…" she looked at the papers on Iruka's desk. No lesson plans, just a bunch of tests.

The same kid raised his hand. "Kurenai-chan, can we talk about you and Kakashi instead of this ninja stuff?"

Kurenai smiled. "I guess so."

Kakashi sighed. _How did I know this was going to happen_? _I just hope Kurenai-chan, doesn't want kids…_

A 7 year old girl raised her hand. "Mrs. Kurenai-chan, is Kakashi-san good in bed?" She asked, making her fellow classmates laugh and Kurenai blush.

"I …well, Kakashi and I aren't married yet, and we're not doing anything…inappropriate yet." Kurenai explained…sort of.

"But sex isn't inappropriate." The girl said. "That's how grown ups show how much they love each other."

"Yes, but Kakashi and I are waiting until we're _married_."

The snobby kid raised his hand. "Kurenai-chan, why are you so beautiful?" He asked, making her blush.

"I don't know…I guess it's good genetics…"

Kakashi gave the kid a look. Was he really going to let a 7 year old brat flirt with his fiancée? The kid probably couldn't even _spell_ flirt.

"Hey, kid, the next time you try to come on to my fiancée, we're going to have a man-to-brat talk." He said, making the kid gulp.

"Y-Yes sir, Mr. Kakashi-sensei" The kid sank into his chair. "It won't happen again."

Kakashi secretly smiled at the kid's cowardice. Good thing he had his mask on, or else his huge grim would make the kid think he wasn't serious.

"It's okay, Kakashi, the kid was only being sweet." Kurenai tells him.

Kakashi, offended by Kurenai taking the brat's side, says, "But Kurenai-chan, that's _my_ job."

"Act like an adult, Kaka-kun, the kid is only _7_." Kurenai smiled at him. "Don't tell me you're jealous of a 7 year old." She quips, making the entire class laugh.

Kakashi sweatdropped. "Alright, kid, go to detention." He tells the snob.

"But I didn't do anything!" He protests.

"Yes you did, you _laughed_."

"But…they laughed too…"

Kakashi walked over to the snob, picks him up by his arm and walks him down the hall to detention.

"How long do I have to stay in here?" He asks.

Kakashi thought for a second. "Oh, well, until I decided to come back down here and tell you you can leave." He says, exiting the room and walking back to the classroom.

---Ichiraku's Ramen Bar…---

Sasuke, Ino, _and_ Sakura were still at Ichiraku's. Sure, Sasuke's ribs still hurt like hell from being hit by Sakura, but he'd get over it…one day.

Ino had her arm around Sasuke ever since then, supposedly trying to make him feel better.

"It'll be okay, Sasuke-kun, I won't let monster strength abuse you." Ino told him.

Sasuke removed her arm from around his waist. "I can take care of myself, you know, I don't need you or anyone else protecting me." He remarked, eating his 3rd bowl of ramen.

"Gee, Sasuke, I didn't know you became a ramen fan since you've been gone." Sakura said, inching closer to him.

"I'm not," Sasuke told her. "I'm just hungry, that's all."

"Yeah, I guess having sex all night works up a guy's appetite, huh?" As soon as Sakura said it, she clapped her hands over her mouth while Sasuke gave her a 'damn you woman' look and Ino's jaw drops. She decides to play it off. "But I was just kidding of course."

Ino looks from Sasuke to Sakura and back again. "Sasuke, did you two really…?" She shook her head. "No, you're just making that up, Sakura. Sasuke would never have sex with you."

"Or you," Sasuke added, finishing his 3rd bowl of ramen. The quick image of them all having a threesome popped into his head, but it left as quickly as it came. He was thinking about stocking up on condoms just in case he and Sakura _accidentally_ had sex again. He didn't want to _accidentally_ get her pregnant and _accidentally_ have to marry her.

"Are you done, Sasuke?" Sakura asked, feeling the sudden need to get away from Ino.

"Yeah." He says, paying for their food and getting up.

Ino looked at them funny. "And where exactly are you two going?"

"We're uh…going shopping, right Sasuke?"

"Yeah…" _For condoms_…

Ino sighed. "So you two really are dating now, huh?"

"No way!" Sasuke proclaimed, a little more loudly than he meant to. "It's just…I don't have anything better to do." He lied.

"Then I'll come with you two." Ino suggested.

"Wouldn't you rather spend time with Shikamaru or something?" Sakura asked.

"I don't know…maybe you're right. He's still kind of sad about Asuma's death." Ino said. "Maybe I should go and cheer him up."

"Exactly." Sakura added hastily. "And send him my regards." She slipped her arm around Sasuke and walked off with him.

Ino watched them walk away_. I don't care what Sasuke says, those two must be dating…_

---Tsunade's Office…---

Tsunade was "happily" doing her work while Shizune stood over her shoulder with Tonton.

"Any progress?" Shizune asked.

Tsunade sighed. "Sort of. Have you checked on _Anko's_ progress?" She asked. Ever since Anko had announced she was writing an erotic novel about Kakashi and Kurenai, she had personally kept tabs on the progress.

"I'm not sure, Tsunade-sama. Last time I checked, she was almost done. She had 89 more pages to do." Shizune answered. "I wouldn't advise rushing her."

Tsunade put a stamped document to the side. "Yeah, I know, but I'm getting anxious. It's been awhile before I had a good, interesting read."

"What about Playgirl?" Shizune asked.

"It's nice when I need a good nosebleed." Tsunade replies, right as Jiraiya walks in unannounced. "What brings you by?"

Jiraiya sighs. "My biggest fan just proposed to Kurenai Yuhi."

"That's great!" Shizune and Tsunade exclaimed in unison.

A look of disappointment came over Jiraiya's face. "No, it's not great, my biggest Icha Icha fan is going to _settle down_ and make babies with one of the hottest Kunoichi in the village!"

"And what's wrong with that?" Shizune asked.

"Well…Kakashi won't buy my books anymore, and when he gets Kurenai pregnant, she'll be overweight and miserable…" He pouts. "She'll be unbearable to look at."

Tsunade cocked her eyebrow. "And what if I decided to tell Kurenai what you just said?"

"No, no, no I wasn't serious! I was just joking! Kurenai-chan would be sexy even if she's 300 pounds overweight." Jiraiya got on his knees and pleaded. "Don't tell her! She might try to kick my ass!"

"I really doubt she'll have to try." Tsunade joked.

Jiraiya sweatdropped. If only they knew that Kurenai had already beaten him up earlier that day.

---Konoha Mall…---

Sasuke walked with his hands in his pockets alongside Sakura. Sakura had dragged him through isles and isles of clothing.

She picked up a bright red dress and held it against her frame. "Does this make me look slim, Sasuke-kun?"

"I guess." Sasuke replied. _Was that a trick question?_

She frowned. "What do you mean, 'I guess'?!"

_Yeah, definitely a trick question_. "I meant exactly what I said."

"Sasuke you—"

"Jerk." He finished for her. She was making it her own personal catchphrase for him every time he did something that was seemingly…apathetic to her feelings. "You keep shopping, I'm going to go pick up some things."

Sakura's expression softened. "You're going to buy something? What?"

He tried to hold back a smile. "You'll see." Sasuke turned around and walked towards the back of the store where they kept their condoms. He had heard that those "Trojan: Warming Sensation" was the best. The problem would be trying to find something that was his size…

He was in the isle, browsing around, when he came across "Trojan: MAGNUM". He picked up a box and read the back. "_The Trojan Magnum is larger than standard size for extra comfort_" It read. At least Sasuke wouldn't have to worry about it not being too small.

He kept eying the Warming Sensations. _Hell, it wouldn't hurt to just get both of them_…He grabbed both the Warming Sensations and MAGNUM and headed for the nearest counter.

He paid out 16 yen and walked back over to Sakura with a slight smile on his face. "Hey, let me know when you're ready to get out of here." He told her.

"What will we do then?" She asked.

"Go back to your place, I think I left something over there." He lied.

Sakura gave him a 'why the hell are you so happy all of a sudden' look. "Okay, Sasuke-kun. I think I'm done." She said, handing him the red dress and an armful of other clothing. "Wasn't this fun?" She asked him.

He smiled and looked at his bag of condoms. "Kind of."

Sakura tried to sneak a peek at his bag. "What'd you get?"

"You'll see when we get to your place."

---Ninja Academy…---

Kurenai spent at least 35 minutes answering nosy little kids' questions. Kakashi had disapproved of the idea of them answering questions about their personal life, but she didn't see and harm in it.

"Mrs. Kurenai-chan, what are you and Kakashi-san going to name your kids when you have them?" Some kid asked.

Kurenai looked at Kakashi. "Well? What are we naming them?" She asked.

"Oh, we're going to name our son 'You're Going to Take Birth Control Pills' and we're going to name our daughter 'I'm Gonna Wear a Condom Everytime We Decide to Do It'." Kakashi said.

Kurenai raised her eyebrows. "Kakashi, be serious." She told him.

"Well, Kurenai-chan, I didn't really think we had to have kids…" He said.

"Why not?"

Kakashi scratched his head. "Well, I…kids would uh…make me feel _old_." He admitted as the kids laughed at his embarrassment.

"Kurenai-chan, when are you and Kakashi-san getting married?" A kid asked.

"I don't know we haven't set a date yet." Kurenai said, looking at Kakashi. "Have you even planned that far ahead?"

Kakashi scratched his head. "Yeah, well, I was getting to that…"

---Sakura's House…---

"Well, we're finally here, Sasuke-kun. What exactly did you say you left here?" Sakura asked, hanging up the new clothes she purchased from the mall. "And what exactly did _you_ get?"

"Take your clothes off and we'll find out." Sasuke said, entering Sakura's bedroom with the two boxes of Trojans. "So, which one you wanna try out first?"

Sakura turned around and looked at the two boxes. "Sasuke-kun! Are those…_condoms_?!"

Sasuke gave her a flat expression. "No, they're instant grits." He retorted sarcastically. "Just in case you decide to rape me again…"

Sakura grabbed the Warming Sensation box. "I didn't rape you, Sasuke. You were a _willing_ participant of what happened last night."

Sasuke sat down on her bed. "Yeah, right. You practically _shoved_ me on the bed last night."

"Sure, but you _willingly_ took your clothes off." Sakura said, opening the box and tossing him a pack.

"That was an _accident_." Sasuke told her, trying to suppress a smile from forming across his face.

Sakura dropped down in his lap. "Next you're going to say I impregnated myself." Sakura was kind enough to open the condom pack for him. "Here, you're the one with the …um…" She intelligently changed the topic. "So, what are we now? And don't you dare say we're friends with benefits."

Damn, Sasuke hadn't really thought about all of that. He had just come back yesterday and they…did it, he hadn't really thought about their relationship. "We're…friends…I guess."

"Sasuke, we had _sex_ yesterday. Doesn't that make us a little more than friends?" Sakura asked, with a hint of hurt in her voice.

Should he admit that he really hadn't planned on having sex with her yesterday, and it kind of just…happened? Should he tell her he hadn't really put much thought into their relationship? He sighed, shrugged and said, "I guess that makes us lovers."

Sakura got out of his lap and stood up. "So, when Ino or Kakashi-sensei asks us are we dating, what do we say?" She asks.

"We tell them no."

"Then what are we doing, Sasuke? Besides having sex?"

They were dating…in a sense. They had known each other for years and Sakura had been pursuing him since they were in the Academy. He did have growing feelings for her, and he did miss her nagging him when he was with Orochimaru. He missed her, and was glad to be back, but did that mean he loved her? He _did_ have sex with her yesterday, and that's not something he did with random girls. He _did_ say he loved her, and he would hardly ever admit that.

"Are you going to give me an answer, Sasuke?" Sakura asked.

"I guess we're…dating." He said, hoping this conversation would be over so they could get it on.

"Do you plan on marrying me, Sasuke?"

_What? No Sasuke-kun?_ "I haven't really thought about—"

"Then besides coming back to Konoha and having sex with me, what have you been thinking about?"

This was getting old, and he was starting to lose his patience. "I don't know yet, Sakura! I just came back _yesterday_; I don't know what the hell to think. I didn't plan on having sex with you yesterday, all I know is that it felt good, and if it makes you feel better about it, we'll get married!" That last bit _accidentally_ slipped out. "I mean…"

"I know exactly what you mean, Sasuke-kun." Sakura said, jumping in his arms.

He raised his eyebrows. One minute she was fussing at him about him not taking their "relationship" seriously, and now she was on his lap again, hugging him.

"Will we really get married, Sasuke-kun?"

Sasuke sighed. "If that's what you want…I swear you girls are bipolar. One minute, we're about to fuck, the next minute, you're fussing at me for nothing and now you're back happy again. I guess I should've picked out some damn PMS medication too."

"Sasuke, you jerk." Sakura muttered, in a somewhat softer tone than usual. "But maybe you should have gotten some PMS medication; it's getting close to that time of the month."

"Hell, like I know what kind to get you." He said, picking up the condom that had fallen to the floor. "Are we still going to…?"

Sakura was just about to say yes, when a loud banging on her door interrupted.

"Hey, Sakura-chan!!! Let's go out for ramen!!"

Sakura sighed. "Oh, no, Naruto…"

"Just tell the idiot you're busy." Sasuke said, annoyed that Naruto was ruining their moment.

"I think we should go eat with him. If you're not too busy tonight, we can…"

Sasuke sighed in frustration. "Damn…why does the idiot always have to interrupt things?"

"Because he's _Naruto_." Sakura said, scurrying to answer the door. "What is it, Naruto?"

"Let's go eat ramen together!" He suggested happily with a grin. "Sasuke and I were in the middle of something…why don't you invite Hinata, and Sasuke and I will go with you. Does that sound okay?" Sakura asked.

Naruto's face lightened up with excitement. "Yeah! That's right!! Tell Sasuke-bastard to meet us there!" He said, rushing off to Hinata's house.

Sakura closed the door and walked back into her bedroom. "Naruto wants us to meet him there. He's bringing Hinata along."

Sasuke nodded. "Fine. I guess I'd better put this away." He said, lifting up the open condom and putting it in his pocket. "I guess I have to hold your hand now when we're in public so you won't have another PMS attack."

Sakura gave him a 'do you want me to punch you' look. "Sasuke, you jerk, I'm not PMSing…"

"I can't tell." He stood up and grabbed Sakura's hand.

"It's about time you stopped acting like an asshole." She said, noticing how easier he was to talk to now than he was when they were younger.

"That's the same thing Naruto told me yesterday." Sasuke said, with a slight smile.

---The Academy…---

"Kurenai-chan, does Kakashi-sensei have a happy trail?" A kid asked. "And if he does, what color is it?"

Kurenai was beginning to wonder how these little kids knew about such things. Sex, happy trails…exactly what does Iruka teach them? "No, Kakashi doesn't have a happy trail…he shaves, thank God."

Kakashi watched the time go by. Two minutes and he'd be able to get out of this crazy place. Kids asking about his happy trail, what kind of underwear he used, and if he shaved; what kind of questions are those?

He endured 2 more minutes of crazy, off-the-wall questions, while his fiancée answered them.

When the kids stormed out after the bell rung, Kakashi breathed a sigh of relief and turned to his fiancée. "You have any plans?" He asked knowing the answer.

"Not really."

"Well how about I take you out to lunch?" He asked, taking her hand and walking out of the classroom.

"Sure, Kaka-kun, just promise me Naruto won't come and interrupt."

He laughed nervously. "It's Naruto we're talking about; you know I can't promise anything."

((((JBL NOTE: SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING, BLAME SCHOOL. ANYWAYS, FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW, I'M GONNA GO AHEAD AND SPOIL IT FOR YOU. KURENAI AND ASUMA WERE MARRIED AND SHE'S PREGNANT WITH HIS KID. TOO BAD ASUMA HAD TO DIE…))))


End file.
